about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

    Contact Emily

    For general inquires, contact: EmilyBMalone@gmail.com.

    For partnerships, contact: dailygarnishads@mediakix.com.

    Looking forward to chatting with you!

    Search

    What’s Cooking?

    Personal Bests

    5K - 23:28

    10K - 52:35

    15K - 1:38:14

    1/2 Marathon - 1:57:39

    Marathon - 3:50:58

    A Look Back.



Coming Home.

On Thursday afternoon, I was hit by a car.  Life changed in an instant.  I spent the rest of that night, and really most of the next day in a fog.  I boarded a plane to Ohio because I didn’t know what else to do.  Even just minutes after the accident, I was sobbing and worrying about strangely trivial things – “call the dogsitter, call the airline, I need dry sweatpants!”  I kept telling everyone I was fine, and simply lucky to be alive.  Now days later, I realize I was simply still in shock.

I arrived in Ohio still in a haze, and suddenly plunged into being surrounded by everyone that I love most.  I was distracted from the pain and fear by wedding schedules and celebratory events.  For those few days, I tried to smile and enjoy the moments, but I just didn’t quite feel like me.

I arrived home early Monday morning, and have been in this spot on the couch ever since.

IMG_2228 (640x480)

It’s certainly not a bad setup.  The dogs are thrilled to have someone encouraging extra laziness, and they have each declared which side of me they will each snuggle on.

IMG_2229 (473x640)

I have a nice view of the street from my window, and it helps me feel connected to the world outside.  Before the accident, I spent a lot of time outside.  Casey and I walked to coffee shops and worked during the day, I took the dogs for lots of walks, I went for long runs and bike rides that made me feel alive.  I am so SLOW to get anywhere now, so my outdoor world is mainly limited to my window.

IMG_2232 (480x640)

You have all been so wonderful and left me inspiring and emotional comments, tweets, and emails.  You have told me that I have handled this so well and that I’ve been unbelievable graceful.  I’m afraid that perhaps my gracefulness is wavering…

A few people emailed and warned me that the mental effects of accidents can be equal to or more damaging than the physical effects sometimes.  I feel like as I laid there on the side of the road being pelted by rain, something crawled inside of me and stole my spirit.  I just don’t feel like me anymore.

One of the things I pride myself on is honesty, so I’m not going to sugar coat my struggles.  I am having a really hard time.  As soon as I entered my front door yesterday and landed back in my world, the reality of my situation set in.  I spent most of yesterday alternating between sobbing and sleeping, and I struggled to maintain as much as a normal conversation or meal.

Last week I was training for a marathon and ran 20 miles.  Today, showering and going to the bathroom are events in my day.  My beautiful home that I love so much is suddenly an obstacle course with three staircases.  My clean and shiny kitchen is a teasing reminder that I have eaten mostly cereal and sandwiches since I have returned.  I told myself that if I put on mascara it would help me to stop crying, but instead I just have black streaks down my cheeks.

Please understand, I am SO grateful for the health that I do have.  I realize how much more severe my injuries could be, and I know that I am so crazy fortunate to even be alive given the circumstances.  But you know what?  I’m also really pissed off.  And I’m intensely depressed.  And I’m allowed to be.  At least for a little while.

I am doing my best to find the joy in the little things.  I got a package today from my BF Lindsey – a big see through umbrella with yellow polka dots, so that no car can ever claim to not see me again.  It brought a much needed smile to my face.  :)

IMG_2237 (640x480)

And when the smiles have faded and the sadness sets in, it is nice to have such warm and furry reassurance right next to me.

IMG_2231 (480x640)

I feel like a piece of me has changed, and I wonder I will feel like myself again.  I am petrified riding in cars, and hyper-aware of my surroundings.  I keep waking up sweating at night, and have visions of the front of the Tahoe coming towards me.  I stared at my Marine Corps Marathon deferment page for 20 minutes today before closing the window.  I just simply couldn’t do it.

IMG_2236 (640x447)

I know that this will pass.  Eventually my leg will (hopefully) be normal again.  And while I’m telling you about the sad parts, there are other things I can focus on and celebrate.  As if I didn’t already love Casey enough, he has been an unwavering source of support.  On top of working full time, he is bringing me coffee and snacks, changing my bandages, listening to my tears, and letting me work through this as slowly as I need to.  Hopefully it won’t take too much longer.

In the meantime, I am trying to find silver linings and find new outlets to explore with my limited mobility.  I truly cannot thank you all enough for the way you’ve supported me through both the ups and the downs.  While one stranger robbed me of a lot, thousands of other “strangers” have brought me smiles, advice, and so much love.  I hope someday to be able to return the favor to each of you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

232 Comments so far
Leave a comment

shorty     at 4:15 pm

When my Grandmother died in June I felt so different too. I was soooo sure I would never be the same again. I know how hard emotions can be but hang in there. It might take awhile but at least you are allowing yourself to just be. I will continue to pray for you:) You are a wonderfully beautiful lady who will only be better on the other side:) To the other side we go!!!
Sarah

[Reply]

Erica Dickson     at 4:17 pm

Getting hit by a car while walking/running someplace is seriously one of my biggest fears. I can’t believe this happened to you! I’m so sorry! You’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

And you absolutely have a right to be pissed off. I know I would be, especially while training for the marine corp marathon. You’ve worked so hard and you’re amazing.

Wallow all you want for as long as you need to. Just remember that it does get better and you will get to run that marathon one day.

[Reply]

Ashley     at 9:06 pm

<3 you girlie!! xo

[Reply]

jessica     at 9:17 pm

Emotions can definitely be just as hard, or harder, to deal with than the physical aspects of an accident. I wish you the speediest recovery. Keep your head up!

[Reply]

Dee     at 11:30 pm

{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}

[Reply]

Amykinz (Foodie4Healing)     at 12:35 am

You are amazingly strong. I admire you. You ARE allowed to feel sad and angry and depressed. Your whole world just changed. Thank you for being real. Hugs!

[Reply]

Madelyn     at 10:58 am

I’m just now getting caught up on reading… I think that you are simply amazing. You are still trying to find the positive and the silver lining, and still searching every day for the good coming out of this, and that’s not an easy thing. Not a lot of people have the same drive and determination you do. It will take time, but hopefully you’ll feel back to a new and better normal. And we’re all here supporting you. Would you care for a visitor this weekend? I’d love to stop by and say hello if you’re feeling up to it. HUGE HUGS!!!

[Reply]

Jenny     at 11:01 am

I am praying for you! I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. looks like your pup is good company though : )

[Reply]

Rachel     at 2:42 pm

I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Getting hit by a car is truly horrifying. I hope you heel fast and that the depression passes. I have a friend that was hit by a car, in the cross walk, I think maybe 2 years ago? Much worse though, she was ok, but had to live in the hospital for a while and then was in physical therapy for a long time after that….and then my other friend was hit by the light rail train. She was luckily ok too. Again both could have been worse, but still I know its a horrible thing to have happen to you. I hope you heal fast and start to feel more yourself soon.

[Reply]

Karen     at 11:34 am

Thank you so much for your honesty. The mental challenges are really so daunting, and just because they’re not visible doesn’t diminish the size of the wounds.

You have been so generous in your support of others, and it’s our turn to support you now. Take good care of yourself and remember that lasting recovery takes time. You are an inspiration – take whatever time and space you need for You. Warmest wishes, Karen of Canada

[Reply]

Emily @ The Front Burner Blog Reply:

Thanks Karen! :)

[Reply]

Aggie     at 1:48 pm

:( I hope you are doing ok.

[Reply]

Gabrielle     at 8:34 am

This post is so sad, but so totally understandable, and I get angry reading it, that this woman took something from you, your newfound joy of being able to walk everywhere. This may not be the time for it, but have you confronted her for some sort of compensation? I hope at the very least her insurance is paying for all your medical bills and the Percocet you can’t take because it makes you sick. Lawsuits are ugly, but I feel like at the very least you need to be compensated monetarily for this suffering you are now experiencing. There was a person at fault for all of this, and it is not you.

[Reply]

Emily @ The Front Burner Blog Reply:

Thanks Gabrielle! I am frustrated too. We’re definitely exploring all of our options.

[Reply]

crystal     at 10:48 pm

your strength is unbelieve!!!! Stay strong! You’ll be good as new in no time

[Reply]

Cindy Robinson     at 2:14 pm

Awe, I wish I could give you a big hug. I’ve been thinking about you alot and wanted to let you know that you have helped me become a healthier person. I’m even considering quitting drinking. I’m making better food choices, and started running. Although I’ve never been physically hurt like you, I’ve been struggling mentally for about a year or so now. So, big hugs, and get well wishes from the Sunshine State :)

[Reply]

Emily @ The Front Burner Blog Reply:

Thanks Cindy – that means a lot. :)

[Reply]

Kelly     at 5:42 pm

I have worked in the mental health field for many years and it sounds as though you are experiencing the effects of trauma. I strongly encourage you to go talk to a professional, even if just for a short time. You will be amazed at how they can help.

[Reply]

2010: A Year In Review | Daily Garnish     at 10:56 am

[…] I was hit by a car while crossing the street, which left me with a really banged up knee, and some pretty fragile emotions.  Even so, I headed to Ohio to be a bridesmaid for my new sister in law just two days after […]

Run For Your Life. | Daily Garnish     at 4:36 pm

[…] Friday marked exactly three months since I was hit by a car.  In the weeks that came after that, I struggled a lot with depression and the emotional damage caused by the accident.  In a […]

TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

(required)

(required)




    Welcome.

    A resource for healthy recipes, cooking tips, and inspiration for active living. Welcome!

    @DailyGarnish

    running shoes

    On Facebook.

    Categories



© 2017 Daily Garnish
All content is protected by copyright. Please do not reproduce in any form.
Blog design by Splendid Sparrow