about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    EmilyBMalone@gmail.com

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    1/2 Marathon - 1:57:39

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    A Look Back.



A House is Not a Home.

In my 30 years, I have lived in a lot of different places.  But I spent the first 17 years of my life under one roof of a house that I absolutely loved.  As we grew up, and days and years went by, my mom worked hard to constantly make our house the best home it could possibly be – pretty wallpaper, sentimental furnishings, warm paint colors, a family room addition.  It was big and spacious, had gorgeous natural woodwork, a backyard fantasy land built just for us kids, and housed all my favorite childhood memories.  Our house was a true labor of love. 

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I was 15 when my parents got divorced, and our house suddenly became a place of worry and uncertainty.  My dad left, my older sister went to college, and suddenly the big house that was once so full of love, suddenly felt very empty and hollow.  In the year that followed, our lives and lifestyle changed dramatically.  My mom did everything in her power to keep our world familiar and safe, and through it all, I clung hard to the one thing that felt consistent to me – our house.

With Rebecca away at college, and Sarah still just a toddler, there was a new team running the house – me and mom.  We were an unstoppable force together, and through those tough years we shared just as many laughs as we did tears.  But after a year of struggling and working around the clock together, we faced the reality of what would inevitably need to happen.  We had to sell our house. 

Through a little soul searching, I have realized somewhat recently that being separated from my childhood home provoked a strong emotional reaction, causing a lot of mistrust and anxiety that has followed me into my adulthood.  Only 17 at the time of our move, I clung to that house as if it was the last bit of “family” that I felt I had left.  I can still vividly remember the day the papers were signed, sitting on the back porch crying so hard I could barely breathe. 

The next house I would live in is the house that my mom still has today.  It is the house where I learned to let go of the past, and redefined my understanding of love and of the word family.  Looking back, I realize that ever since my first move, I have always had deep emotional connections to the places where I live.

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When Casey and I left the first house we lived in together, I was so happy to be moving into our next (much nicer) home.  But at the same time, I had a really hard time physically leaving the house for the last time.  I stood in the dining room where Casey had proposed to me earlier that year, feeling like by leaving the house I was leaving that memory behind.  Of course that wasn’t true, but it was hard to walk away from a moment that was so special to me.

Our second house in Cincinnati still holds a very special place in my heart.  It was the kitchen where I taught myself to cook, and eventually where I decided to take the leap and go to culinary school.  (I still miss that kitchen!)

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That same house was our home on our wedding day, when I gathered with my best girlfriends, sisters, and mom – and put my wedding dress on in our upstairs bedroom. 

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I cried when we left that house too, sad to leave behind all the memories of wonderful times and personal growth had under that roof.

Our current house has been my favorite.  It is where we picked out our first set of real grown up furniture piece by piece…

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And where it still seems like yesterday that I stood by the side of the bed whispering to Casey in the dark, “wake up, I think I’m pregnant!”

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But as much as I have loved the places I have lived, my hope is that when we leave our current house, I won’t cry and long for what I’m leaving behind, but instead treasure the memories and know that I am taking them with me.

And I will look forward to NEW firsts – the house where we will bring a baby home, the kitchen where I will learn to make baby food, and the couch that we will snuggle on together in all our new found free time!

For some reason in my 17 year old mind, losing my childhood home made me feel like the last piece of my family was being taken away from me.  Many homes and states later, I have clung to that pain and feeling of loss with each and every move.

I finally came to this realization when I was dealing with intense crippling fear regarding our move to Seattle.  What was I so afraid of?  Why was I clinging to our current home so fiercely?  And then memories of being 17, crying on my back porch, and feeling that first loss all came flooding back to me.

It took me until age 30 to finally understand that a house is really just a house.  But a home is family, love, and memories – and that is something that, no matter the distance, you never leave behind.

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198 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Megan     at 5:25 pm

I understand, that must have been a rough time for you and it’s stayed with you so long. But you’re right, you have to look forward to your next move, it’s like a blank sheet, and you have to make it your best. Praying for you with this move!

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Katie @ Nourishing Flourishing     at 5:28 pm

What a touching post. Best wishes to you as you enter a new house and a new season of life! :)

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Emily @ happyaspie     at 5:28 pm

You brought tears to my eyes, Emily. Thanks for sharing. I also had a very hard time (several years worth of ups and downs) transitioning from my childhood home to college and to now living on my own. Feeling homesick is one of the most unpleasant emotions for me but I’ve learned little by little that it’s just a feeling and I can get past it. Best wishes on your move!

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Meaghan     at 5:29 pm

As I read through your post I found myself thinking the same thoughts. My parents divorced when I was 10 and when we left the house I had grown up in, I thought my world was over. Ever since then, I have clung to the houses/apartments/dormrooms I’ve lived in and now I feel like I understand that it is the memories, not necessarily the physical house and I need to remember those, but not hold on to everything. Anyways – thank you for sharing :)

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Callie     at 5:29 pm

What a beautiful post. My parents are actually about to put my childhood home on the market – they have lived there for 24 years so it’s the only house I really remember. I can’t imagine all the emotions that will come when they leave that house – so many memories! I can’t wait to see what your new home in Seattle will hold for you. So many wonderful milestones I’m sure!

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Evan Thomas     at 5:30 pm

I love this post. I’m pretty terrible at change, and fortunately for me I’ve lived in the same house since I was 3 so it’s all I really now. Even when it comes to college I’m choosing to live in the same building next year as I do now because I like how homey it feels. But I also know sometime will come when things start to change and I’ll have to get ready for that, even if getting ready means listening to The House That Built Me and crying my eyes out. I like the idea that home and memories are people and not a place.

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Emily Malone Reply:

That song destroys me. Especially the part about the dog. I often wonder if when the new family at our house redid the backyard, if they left him there. :(

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Evan Thomas Reply:

I lost my dog the same week I first heard this song. I can usually keep it together until that line and then the waterworks start.

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Gwen     at 5:30 pm

Beautiful and so true.

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Jenn from Much to My Delight     at 5:30 pm

I always knew you were a great chef, and a great blogger, and a great runner, but until this post I don’t think I realized what an adept writer you are. This was a lovely post, and I think a lot of people will be able to identify with those feelings. You have many amazing memories ahead of you to create in your new home!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks so much! :)

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Ashley     at 5:31 pm

Ummm, holy amazing post Emily!! This was so beautifully written, and I enjoyed reading every word of it. I’ve made realizations like that as well. I’m so happy you were able to piece it together and turn it into a positive outlook for the future. Wishing nothing but the best for you + the family!! xoxo

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R @ Learning As I Chop     at 5:31 pm

That cooking school kitchen is gorgeous! I know this new home will be great too

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Freya     at 5:32 pm

Oh this is such a lovely post :) I really hope your new house gives you great memories :)
I’ve lived in the same house since I was 2years old (I’m almost 21 now) and its been mixed – it was the scene of my childhood, my parents arguing, my parents divorcing, the place where I was depressed and sad as a teenager and developed an eating disorder..but it’s the place where my horse lives, and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s gonna be hard to leave!

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Freya Reply:

*it’s – I’m tired!!

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Timmery     at 5:33 pm

Thank you so much for sharing these feelings. It sure makes sense that a house is just that…a house. A home is what you make it while you are there.

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Lisa     at 5:33 pm

Reading this made me a little teary. I’ve had some very similar thoughts lately as we’ve been searching for a new house. Our townhouse is where Jeromy and I became a family, where I got ready for our wedding with my closest friends and family and where we found out that I am pregnant. I know I am going to be sad to leave this house, what makes me feel better is that we’ll still own the house and have another family renting it from us. I think I’ll really cry when we sell it, but that is years down the road. You are absolutely right–a house is just a house but a home is where your family lives :-)

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Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun     at 5:33 pm

I don’t think I have ever felt that connection to a house yet. My home growing up was not a happy place and I moved a lot before moving into my current home with my husband. I know it will be hard to leave this house when that time comes though because its where we will have spent time raising our kids.

I’m so excited for the upcoming changes and experiences you get to make in your new home. They will likely be the most cherished.

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Sarah for Real     at 5:35 pm

That was beautifully written! Got me all tear-y eyed.

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Casey Reply:

Me too!!!

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Rachel @ Fit Fun and Fabulous     at 5:35 pm

You are such an incredibly beautiful writer. I felt like I was passing through each of your residences as you wrote about them. I don’t comment alot but I always read your posts. They are so wonderful!

We are also moving soon and I am dreading it. But it is from an apartment to a house just so we have the extra space for our future family that we plan to start soon. It will be the house we live at when we get married and (hopefully) bring a baby into the world. I should fix my attitude a little! This post definitely helped to start it.

Thanks!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Rachel!

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Maryann     at 5:37 pm

Emily,
So wonderful of you to share this part of your life. My son is 30 and I separated from his Dad when he was 3. I won’t go there but we always look back and remember but it’s what is ahead that we should focus on. Forgiveness from the past and longing for the future. I am remarried to a wonderful man for 20 years this year when I will also turn a young 60 in November.
What a new life you have ahead new baby, new house, new job for Casey. All wonderful things you will cherish.
Blessings,
Lancaster CO PA Gal

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Nienke at Revel     at 5:37 pm

Oh Emily I love this post! It is so sweet and honest, and I totally know what you mean :) It’s crazy that a physical building can be so important to us!

I’m looking forward to watching you make a home of your new ‘nest’.

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Anu     at 5:38 pm

Wow, such a touching and powerful post. You brought tears to my eyes. Wish you all the best in creating your home in your new house.

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Lauren     at 5:38 pm

This post brought tears to my eyes (and I’m embarrassed!). I grew up in two homes, and my parents are going to sell their current home which I consider my real home. My boyfriend and I are also thinking of leaving our current (rental) home and it makes me so sad because I think of it as where everything started. Oh well, I guess life moves on?

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Emily Malone Reply:

I have thought that every house was my “defining” moment, and with every one life only seems to get better.

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Erinn     at 5:39 pm

Amazing post Emily. Having lived in a variety of different homes as a child and now as I’m older, I can completely relate. I am going through a transitional period as well, but I feel the tiny, 1 bedroom apartment where my fiancee and and I live, and the memories and traditions we’ve cultivated is the perfect spot for right now. Someday we will move on, and it will be time for new amazing memories. Wish you all the best for the future and the baby. Seattle will love you!

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Heather     at 5:41 pm

LOVE this post. I am super sentimental. I moved several times as a small child, but then lived in teh same house formt he time I was 8 and its the same home my parents still live in. The thought of them one day selling it is devestating.
We moved a month ago, but still havent sold our old house (which was my huband and my first house together) and I know even though tis empty its still “mine” but once I am in it for the last time I know I will bawl like a baby! Our new home is bigger and nicer, but the old one is the one we became a couple in, our first home as adults, it was sucha good little house and we were there over the first 4 years of our marriage. Ok now I am sad!
I think you have a good attitdue about your move!

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Cindy @ The Flipping Couple     at 5:41 pm

I’m blinking back tears (in my cube!) from reading this. I’m actually the opposite of you, though. I lived in 9 houses before I was 18, so while I had a lot of wonderful memories of houses I was never deeply attached to any of them. And I still get a “bug” to move every 2 years. : ) But I love the concept of a house meaning so much. That’s a powerful memory and one to cherish. But you’re so right – it’s the home that really matters. And that can be in any four walls, anywhere in the country.

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Erinn Reply:

I know exactly how you feel, same situation when I was a kid. This is the first time I’ve felt (sort of) settled but I’ve been searching for that “home” pretty much my whole life.

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linda     at 5:42 pm

This is such a beautiful post. Although I am a very happy emptynester now, I still get tears in my eyes when I drive through the neighborhood where my children grew up. Memories provoke such strong emotions. Best wishes to you on your move.

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Abby     at 5:44 pm

What a beautiful post. This is so true. I wish you and your lovely family all the best! I am just at the beginning of having my first home with the one I love and distance is going to pull us apart for about 6 months starting in July. This post just made me realized that it will be so worth the wait to actually build some new experiences in a new place when we get to be together again!

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Amber from Girl with the Red Hair     at 5:45 pm

This post is totally making me tear up. I HATED our most recent basement suite. Our landlord was a jerk, it was teeny tiny, the water wasn’t always hot. Hated it.

But it was where my fiance proposed. Down on one knee in our teeny, tiny living room. For that reason, and that reason only, I was really sad to leave that place.

This is a really great post. I like it a lot :)

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sarahMTSBB     at 5:46 pm

you’ll make seattle home too, don’t worry. if i can pick myself and my dog up and move to nc where i knew know one on my own, you & casey & the dogs can make the move together. it’s always stressful, of course, but you are doing what feels right for your family. it’s brave and strong. good luck! :)

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alison     at 5:46 pm

What a lovely post. I’ve never had that emotional attachment to a home before. I moved quite a bit as a kid and for the past 14 years, I’ve been an Army wife. For me, home will be where ever my husband and daughter are. With that being said, I think I’m much more attached to things in my home because we move so frequently. When we’re in a new place, I can’t wait to unpack and see my things because they bring comfort and certainty.

Best wishes as you get ready for your big move!

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Kristy@RunTheLongRoad     at 5:48 pm

What a great post Emily! Well said! I remember crying hysterically when my parents sold my childhood home.

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Nicole of Raspberry Stethoscope     at 5:48 pm

Beautiful post. You’re so awesome.

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Jenny     at 5:51 pm

Beautiful post. My sister now lives with her husband and 3 children in the home I grew up in. When I left (I was the youngest), it seemed so still and silent, but when I go to visit now I see the joy a new family brings to a house.

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Chelsea Raynes     at 5:51 pm

What a great post! When I was 15 my parents moved us from Southern California to Virginia and on our last day at our house in CA I broke down and hid myself in my large walk in closet in my beautiful pink bedroom. I knew I had to leave my house which had so many memories and love. I hated it and fought it. I knew I would hate my new home in VA. However 3 years ago when I had to move out of the VA home because I was getting married it made me so sad. Seven years I spent at that VA home that I’d just knew I would hate, but the night before my wedding my spent had my last nights sleep there and it made me very sad. Homes have so much emotion in them.

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SaraRM     at 5:51 pm

What a wonderful post. There is so much truth and heart in this, I just want to reach out and give you a hug! You are an amazing woman and will be an amazing mom!!! Here’s to new memories in new places…

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Alissa @ Still Unwritten     at 5:51 pm

Emily, you are so right. A house is just a house but it’s the people and memories and laughter and tears that make a house a home. No one understands this more than a military family – a new home every two years and sometimes your furniture isn’t even your own! I feel ya girl and I know that Seattle holds a beautiful wonderful life for your family!

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Alaina     at 5:53 pm

What a lovely post. I was definitely hurting when I moved at age 7. Whole new town, whole new school. It was daunting. I ended up growing up in that town and I’ve lived in the same state my whole life. We’ll see what happens when my husband and I start to look at areas to live outside of MA. :-)

I hope you have many more wonderful memories in Seattle.

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Brittany @ a healthy slice of life     at 5:53 pm

What a beautiful post! I reared up reading it (pregnancy hormones?)
I have fond memories attached to my first house that I lived in from age 2 until college. I tend to get attched to places, too, but am tryin to embrace that it is the peoplebthat matter, not the place :)

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Brittany @ a healthy slice of life     at 5:54 pm

**teared up
Darn you autocorrect!

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Kate (What Kate is Cooking)     at 5:56 pm

This is so sweet! I’m 21 and have lived in the same house when I was 5. I was talking to my parents this morning while watching House Hunters, and they really want to move- the only reason they haven’t is because my dad doesn’t want to risk leaving his job. Ironically, they want to move to Seattle :) I would be so sad if they sold this house because I’ve spent most of my life here, but at the same time, memories can be created anywhere :)

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hippierunner     at 6:03 pm

So sweet. I love your writing!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thank you!

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Tamicka     at 6:05 pm

I know what you mean. Until I was around the age of 10 I have great memories of the two homes I lived in. To this day I still remember all the fun things I did and the awesome memories. But I moved around a lot then and nowhere felt like home. that is until this last year. Year five of living in the same building with my fiance I arrived home after the holidays and declared “I’m home” I realized home is where we were together and all the love and memories we made together would always “move” with us no matter where we go.

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Laine     at 6:08 pm

You totally had me sobbing with this post!

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Sana     at 6:09 pm

I have lived in the same house for the past 22 years, I don’t even know how I will feel when I have to move for the first time. You are going to make soo many new memories in Seattle!

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Julie (A Case of the Runs)     at 6:10 pm

I know I will be sad to leave my current house, too. So many memories. But making new memories in a new place is pretty fun, too, I’m sure. And yes, you have some super-exciting things that will happen in your new place, too.

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Katherine     at 6:18 pm

I really love this post. My parents still live in the house that I was brought home to as a baby and since I now live in California and that house is in SC, it’s bittersweet when I go back to visit because there are so many emotions wrapped up in being in that house. I think about it all the time. My husband moved around a lot, so he doesn’t have that connection to place that I have with my parent’s home. I am pregnant right now and was so overly emotional when I visited a few weeks ago. It was hard for both of us to understand. I do know that the house we bring our baby home to will not be our house forever and that’s a whole other thing to process. Again, thanks for this post.

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Emily Malone Reply:

This won’t be our forever house either, and that makes me sad too. Why does that seem to matter so much? Funny.

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Rianne     at 6:19 pm

What a wonderful post, Emily! I was very touched by your words because I have moved a lot throughout my life and often feel somewhat emotionally crippled by “homesickness.” I sometimes even have very vivid dreams about my old houses and apartments…sounds weird, I bet. I have been coming to the same realization as you. A house is the shell that holds my home…my man, my cats, and family. Thank you for sharing! Great writing as always! Just think of all the amazing memories you will create in Seattle. xoxo

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Rianne Reply:

PS – I made your strawberry jelly surprise muffins today. Holy yum!

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Jessica @ The Virtual Scrapbook     at 6:24 pm

Aw, I love posts like this. You’ve had been steps in every home! Excited for your next step in your next home!

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Susan T-V     at 6:34 pm

I can so relate to this post. We lived in different homes growing up, and my husband and I have been in our current home for 20 years – and I totally dread the day we will have to move. It kind of feels like this house is my life, but this was a great reminder that it’s not. Thank you.

You guys will do fabulous in Seattle!!! I bet if someone told you 5 years ago you would be a chef and writing a blog for thousands and publishing articles in magazines you would have shuddered at the thought!! God has a wonderful plan for your life !

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Emily Malone Reply:

So SO true! :)

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Lauren (PB&G)     at 6:35 pm

This was a very beautiful, moving post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and words. Here’s to many exciting adventures in your new home!

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Marie     at 6:36 pm

This was a really beautifully written post, and like for many others, brought tears to my eyes! Really lovely.

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Amy     at 6:37 pm

Wow. This is nearly the exact same story I would tell about losing my childhood home (except my parents divorced when I was 13 and my mom sold the house). Your post had me bawling. I remember being about 4 years old, playing in the dirt watching the foundation of that house being built. I drove by it about a year ago, and while I have such great love for that house, it also brings back feelings of knowing that is where my family fell apart. Pretty tough stuff. Thanks for writing this, Emily, and good luck on your move!

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Lucy @ The Sweet Touch     at 6:38 pm

Thank you for sharing this story. I think I’m a lot like you in that I always struggle with change. However, my husband reminds me that we’ve never looked back and thought, “Oh, I wish we didn’t do x or why did we move to y?”

Cheesy but true, home is where the heart is. I admire you for stepping outside your comfort zone – so far it has brought so many good things your way!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Totally agree! It feels so tough at the time, but I never look back with regret.

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Jillian @ Reshape Your Life     at 6:49 pm

This post brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel. Although my parent’s divorce was extremely amicable (I’m very lucky), when we had to sell the house I grew up in, I crumbled. I was sad and angry. I too had very emotional connections to places I lived until I moved halfway across the country, although I think we’re both Pisces so that might play a big part in our sensitivity. ;)

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Kelli H     at 6:53 pm

I totally know what you’re talking about in this post. When I was 16 my parents decided to move away from the house I had grown up in without even discussing it with me. I was so sad and upset that they just decided to move our family without discussing it as a family. Of course now that I’m older I realize that I completely over reacted (I didn’t talk to them for 2 months!). There is definitely a strong emotion when it comes to childhood homes and where you grow up. Since that move I’ve found it easier to move on and look forward to the future when I move now. I think you’ll do the same. :)

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Haley     at 6:56 pm

Thank you for this post, Emily. I really appreciate the way you’re always so eloquent with what you’re experiencing.

My husband and I are getting ready to move into our next house, too, but we haven’t found it yet. I’m sort of feeling the same way about moving, except more excited because we really don’t have enough space in our current place and this move will bring EXPANSION! I’m focusing on that! =)

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Tina     at 7:01 pm

I’ve moved over 15 times in my life, and I really hope that one day I can get to a point where I feel safe in a place and can really settle and get comfortable. I feel like I’ve lived a life in boxes.

I really hope that you guys find the perfect place when you move! I know it can be difficult to adjust to a new place, even if it’s gorgeous, but I’m sure you’ll do just fine. :)

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Gabrielle     at 7:06 pm

I can relate to this post, a lot. The house where I lived with my mom, and where she lay ill with cancer before being whisked to the hospital never to return (I was 17), and where my father (parents separated when I was 6) moved in with me, only to be diagnosed with metastatic cancer himself (!), was sold when I was 30, after it being in my family for 16 years, and to this day, it exists in my dreams. I often wake from dreams where I am back there, packing up, moving back in, or moving out. In the dreams I have “stuff” there, still. Practically a literal metaphor.

But enough about me, I’m excited about your new place, and can’t wait to read all about it and see it. Love being allowed into your life, Emily. :)

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Mimi     at 7:08 pm

What a beautiful post! I moved around quite a few times before graduating high school. Even though we weren’t in a single house for very long, I felt a deep connection with each of them — And, as we pulled away with the moving vans following us, it was always sad.

But, I’ve learned in time that there are better things ahead.

You’ll do wonderfully on your journey!

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Renee     at 7:27 pm

This post made me cry =/ I can relate. My husband is in the army so we move all of the time. In my 25 years I’ve moved 21 times, and am getting ready to move again. I always have a huge sense of sadness and loss to leave another house, friends and city behind.

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Emily Malone Reply:

The friends and city part I am still learning to deal with – that is the hardest part of moving to me. Always starting over…

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erica     at 7:28 pm

such a beautifully written post! and it comes at a perfect time for me, as my parents have recently been thinking about selling the house i grew up in…it’s been difficult for me to think about letting go of that house…

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Claire     at 7:31 pm

Brought tears to my eyes- I totally understand the attachment issue, but I love how you said you are looking forward to NEW things. As always, the best is yet to come :)

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Miranda @ Working Mom Works Out     at 7:31 pm

Great perspective, Emily.

I think it’s easy to cling to what’s familiar, especially when pregnant. You guys will be fine. It’s a whole new adventure. I’m super stoked for you!

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Lauren     at 7:36 pm

I cried a little after reading this post, but tears of joy for you and Casey! Such amazing things are happening in your lives, and you’re so right, the house doesn’t mean anything compared to the memories that you guys will create in your new home. :)

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Nina     at 7:43 pm

I totally cried reading this. I am having the same feelings as we prepare to move across the country to North Carolina from San Diego. I’m not so much tied to our apartment as I am to my city, my family, and Southern California culture. Thank you for reminding me that family, friends, and the Pacific Ocean are always in my heart and only a plane ride away…

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Kath     at 8:00 pm

<3

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Cynthia (It All Changes)     at 8:10 pm

This post really struck home with me. I’ve never lived in any house or area more than 5 years yet have strong attachments to places. It’s taken me awhile to realize that it’s the people and love I’m remember in each place and not the place itself.

You will have so many new memories to build and create and I can’t wait to read about them.

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Lauren     at 8:19 pm

Beautifully said. I love this post :o)

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Sarah     at 8:21 pm

I love your blog and I really hope it continues for a very long time, but in my opinion you could be a novelist not just a blogger. And I’m not talking about a a cook book or a food book, I think you could write a really great novel or memoir.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Wow – thanks! :) Such a great compliment. I wonder what I would write about, hmmm…

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Sarah Reply:

Write about your life! You do it so well in blog posts like this and a lot of women seem to relate and be interested in it.

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Tami     at 8:25 pm

My mother sold my childhood home (that my father built) when I was in college so I didn’t think much of it but then the house was for sale again a few years later (I had since married had baby #1) with baby #2 on the way…..there was an open house and I thought it would be a good idea to go to it. I cried and cried and wept like a baby, biggest mistake ever. So much of the inside had changed- it’s been 6 years and I am still not over it

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Emily Malone Reply:

My childhood home was for sale recently too, and I almost went through it. I had a feeling it would be a bad idea though. Even now I hate driving by and seeing that they ripped out all our landscaping and changed the yard!

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Sarah     at 8:27 pm

What a beautiful post. The house I own now is the place I’ve lived in longest since I was 13- 4 years this June! After bouncing around between families (divorce, too), houses, apartments, and then dorms and roommates, it was a special day when we bought this house. It was mine and no one could take it away. A house is a powerful thing.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Agreed.

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caitie     at 8:27 pm

Very cool that you have one BIG memory in each of your houses! Your next house will be your babies FIRST house. How neat is that!? Thank goodness for memories!

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abby     at 8:42 pm

Perhaps I am cold hearted, or perhaps I simply learned it at an earlier age, but I have never felt particularly sad upon moving homes, dorm rooms, apartments, etc. Each place served its purpose for that time of my life, and the great memories remain with me. For example, I loved my freshman dorm room and roommate, but one year of sharing a room with someone was enough! I loved my first apartment, nice area of town, and most importantly, cheap, but it wasn’t necessarily well built and it totally lacked character. My current home is an apartment in an old house near my law school. It has loads of character, but fits only one person and has no dishwasher or washer dryer (I’ve been spoiled), but it serves as a relaxing place to come home to after being at the library and class all day. And if and when my boyfriend and I get married, it will mean a new home together, and one with a dishwasher. I don’t love moving, in fact, it’s sort of a pain! But perhaps it just goes back to the fact that you can’t stand in the same river twice, and a home is only part of one chapter in the story of your life. My parents recently informed me that they are going to sell the home I grew up in. I was not sad, but rather happy that another family can enjoy the bedrooms, the awesome finished basement, and the huge back yard. I only hope they enjoy it as much as my brothers and I did.

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Alyson     at 8:42 pm

Beautiful, beautiful post.

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Jess (In My Healthy Opinion)     at 8:43 pm

I’m tearing up so much! This was absolutely beautiful. I am so sentimental as well, and already feel that when my husband and I move from this apartment someday, I’ll be so sad. This made me think lot, and you’re right — it’s the company you keep that makes a house a home. Wishing you wonderful new memories in your newest home! :)

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Nicole @ Vegan in the House     at 8:45 pm

I love looking at pictures of rooms in houses, I always take pictures of my kids rooms when they are doing homework or playing so I will have a picture to help me remember an ordinary day in our lives.

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Emily Malone Reply:

I LOVE that. :)

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Gabi     at 8:46 pm

Beautiful story. How brave of you to share such a personal experience. Wishing you the very best in your new Seattle home!

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Carrie     at 8:51 pm

My parents moved from my childhood home when I was 18, and this describes EXACTLY how I’ve felt with every move ever since. Awesome post. Best of luck with the move!

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Laura     at 8:53 pm

I loved this post and I feel a lot better about my upcoming move because of it:)

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Stephanie     at 8:57 pm

This brought tears to my eyes and I now realize that this has been a struggle for me as well. We are looking at moving out of our first home due to a job change and it has been really hard for me to let go. I think you have truly helped me move on.

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Carolyn     at 9:00 pm

What about your Charlotte home?

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Emily Malone Reply:

My Charlotte home was wonderful too!! So many great memories there, although I actually hated the house itself.

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tiffany@napanotes     at 9:03 pm

Emily I feel like we are walking very similar paths right now. I, too, am pregnant – with twins – experienced infertility – had a bad bout of morning sickness till my 16th week – am moving to a new house – cling fiercely to my homes -and my parents are also divorced. Every home I’ve lived in as an adult has felt like my security blanket and I so empathize with what you are going through. Thanks for a very touching post. Good luck with your move and congrats on working through the real issue about leaving. Life is an adventure … and what an adventure it will be with your new baby and hubby in Seattle!

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Emily Malone Reply:

We are twins!! (Although I am pretty sure I only have one in there…)

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Kathi     at 9:08 pm

Emily,

You don’t know how much this touched me today. We just put our house up for sale on Wednesday and I has been so emotional for me. We have lived in this house 15 years and my children who are now in college grew up here.
My husband is currently working two hours away so he only comes home a few days a week and I just decided one day that I didn’t want to do this any more that I wanted to be with him and that we should put it up for sale. I didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be.
We have our first showing tomorrow and my heart began to race just thinking about it.

Thanks again for the wonderful post I really needed to read it.

Kathi

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Emily Malone Reply:

Oh wow! Home is where your husband is. :) You won’t miss the house once you two are back together under one roof! Good luck with your showings!

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Karolina     at 9:10 pm

I get chocked up every time I have to move. It’s sad to love a place where so many great memories exist. it’s helpful to put everything into perspective and realize that a home is just walls. The memories, people, love, laughter, joy, and heartache can follow you wherever you go…

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AMANDA (tomboythatwearsmakeup.com)     at 9:11 pm

Well said!

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Brittany     at 9:27 pm

I definitely cried reading this post, what the heck self?! I’m having similar feeling moving from Lafayette to Austin, Texas and it’s only a 6 hour move! But moves can be so exciting, too!

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kellyo     at 9:36 pm

Beautiful…!

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Tess     at 9:36 pm

This post brought tears to my eyes. I was seventeen when the house I had grown up in was destroyed in a fire, and I went through a similar process of bitter grieving for the memories I felt had somehow been robbed from me. It really is a blessing to come to the realization that no matter where your house is, that feeling of home never has to go away. I’m so excited for you and your growing family, and I know you will make your new house a beautiful, warm place for the new baby to make his or her own memories!

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Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher     at 9:36 pm

Beautiful sharing :)

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Jess@atasteofconfidence     at 9:54 pm

This is a great post. My parents are older and going to retire soon and are thinking about moving out of my childhood home, and I can’t bear to see it be sold!

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chelsey @ clean eating chelsey     at 9:55 pm

This post made me cry when you wrote about bringing a baby home. New life is beautiful!

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Jodi     at 10:10 pm

beautiful post Emily – lots of love and luck on your move and your growing family.

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Gina     at 10:25 pm

Oh.my.gosh! This is so similar to what I experience with every move!

A few years ago, I got divorced. I had to move out of the first house I had ever owned. The house where I stood in the bathroom for a very long minute looking at the positive pregnancy test in total disbelief that turned into total excitement. The house my babies came home to. The house where I celebrated my children’s birthdays. The house where I spent hours and hours painting walls. The house where I overcame my fear of tall ladders so I could paint shutters. It goes on and on.

I broke down when the movers came. I just sat on the back deck and cried as they carried out the furniture that became “mine” in the divorce.

I moved to an apartment for 3 years. That apartment was where my kids and I got our fresh start, away from the abuse and alcholism (yep…another similarity). Both of my children were potty trained in that apartment. It was the place I came home to when I was numb after being told my job was eliminated, but it was also the place where I took a leap of faith and went back to school for another degree to start a different career. It’s the home where I had hours and hours of conversation with my boyfriend about life. It was pretty much the place where I learned about who I was.

But now…now I’m engaged and will be married this summer. My fiance and I bought a house together a few weeks ago. As hard as it was to leave my apartment (Yes, I cried…a lot.), I’m so excited to be in this house. I know we are going to have so many wonderful memories here. I also know it will be painful to leave if we ever decide to move. (Hopefully we are here forever, but who knows.)

Anyway, your post had me in tears as I could relate with everything you were saying! Having to leave a house I loved under the circumstances I was leaving hurt so much because I so desperately wanted to hold on to anything I could. I didn’t want to lose anything more than I had already lost.

You are right though. A house is just a house. You’ll still have all the memories wherever you are.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Now you have ME in tears! I know exactly what you mean when you say “it’s the place where I learned who I was.” :) Congrats on your engagement!

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Jessica     at 10:32 pm

This post was so touching and so perfect for me to read! We are selling our current home. The home we bought when my husband was deployed in Iraq, the home that we brought our daughter to, where she crawled for the first time by the kitchen and walked for the first time in the living room. I have had that feeling of it being hard to leave.
I, too, feel that a home is where your family is and where memories are made!
Here’s to new memories in new homes!
Congratulation on the baby! Being a mother is the most amazing experience.
Enjoy!

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Kayla     at 10:33 pm

Absolutely beautiful.

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Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga)     at 10:56 pm

I have moved tons…about 12 times in 10 yrs or so. I am no stranger to feeling unsettled and know the feeling…and of missing houses,even tho they are just bricks and morter, they hold memories and I have missed some over the years.

I am happy you guys are going to make your new house a home…all 3 of you :)

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Meagan     at 11:16 pm

That makes me feel much better about my parent’s moving from their house to a new house in another town. I’m really going to miss that house. I lived there for the first 18 years of my life! I’m going to miss them more though.

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Nellie     at 11:19 pm

Love your post! Although I have been living away from my childhood home for years now, it was heart breaking when my parents sold the only “home” I have ever known in Seattle in January. I have also come to terms that it was just a house, though magical and special to me, and my home has shifted, now I have my own with my husband.

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Melissa     at 11:32 pm

Hi, I just came over to your blog from The Fitnessista. What a touching and poignant post, thank you for sharing this!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Welcome! :)

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Tracie     at 11:32 pm

Beautifully written!

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Cait     at 12:57 am

I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I’m a long time reader. I just had to say that I think this post is beautiful. You are an amazing writer, which really sets you apart from much of the blog world (at least in my eyes). I will continue to read your blog because it is interesting, but also because it is so well done… You should be published all over the place, and many congrats to you and your new family… :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thank you so much! :)

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Clare Reply:

I agree with Cait :-). So many of your recent posts have been really beautiful.

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Kiran     at 1:24 am

I can truly relate to your story. But you are right, a home is better than just a house :)

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Allie (Live Laugh Eat)     at 1:30 am

This was a beautiful post, Emily. I think I shed the most tears on Daily Garnish (a good thing!). I’m gonna take a wild guess and say Miranda Lambert’s The House That Built Me is a fav :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

One of my favorite songs! :)

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Marie-Sophie     at 3:07 am

This post made me cry so hard … I had to go through an ugly parents’ separation and divorce, starting 2 years ago, at age 28 but still very painful. This uncertainty, this fear and pain that you carry with you, no matter where it shows .. I know that feeling.

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Mari     at 4:01 am

That was a beautiful and insightful post, and totally had me in tears.

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Tracy     at 7:07 am

I enjoyed your post. As I read it and looked at the picture of the table setting, I couldn’t believe it. The plates in the picture were the same ones I had when I was I very young girl (50 years ago!). I hadn’t thought of them in so long but knew them as soon as I saw them. Memory is a strong thing. Even as you move through life, from home to home or phase of life it stays with you, and reminds you of things long forgotten. Thanks for the memory, and good luck with the move.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Oh wow! My mom LOVES those plates – she has collected them from antique shows over the last few years to complete the set.

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Erin (Travel, Eat, Repeat)     at 7:13 am

This post really hit home. When people ask why I want to move into my own apartment so badly and make it a HOME to stay in for more than just a year or two, it can be hard to explain but this post perfectly sums it up.

I’ve moved nearly 20 times if you count both of my parents’ homes and my own adventures. While I don’t feel like I missed out on anything, half of my stuff was always in another place. I never had everything in one place and while my mom’s house was always ‘home,’ a part of me was missing.

Thank you. This really hit my heart today.

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Emily Malone Reply:

You are most welcome! :)

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Kat @ Big Apple Little Kitchen     at 8:05 am

This post made me cry like a baby. In my 27 years, I’ve lived in 10 different houses. I like change, so moving doesn’t really bother me that much (getting used to it!?) but I too have very strong feelings for each of my houses. It’s the milestones live through in each that make the home.

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Amy     at 8:06 am

Beautiful post, Emily… thanks for opening up to us. Hope the move goes smoothly :)

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Staci Ainsworth     at 8:26 am

This was such a wonderful post. I struggle with letting go of our home because it does have so many memories but I know, when the time is right, we will move and, wherever we go, there our home will be.

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Nicole     at 8:45 am

Gosh-this post is making me cry. It’s beautifully written! :)

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Jen G.     at 9:00 am

What a gorgeous post! I understand those feelings that changing location can bring. I still get teased because when we moved from my early childhood home at 9 (to a house 1 mile away!), I cried for months. I used to struggle to say goodbye to family cars! At almost 28, I still don’t like change, but am at least able to reassure myself that change is necessary for growth.

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Amy     at 9:04 am

This is such a beautiful and insightful post. And such great timing because just last night I was thinking about how I fealt when I left my first “real” apartment for the first time. I hold sentimental attachment to so many random items because they remind me of memories, but your post has reitterated that the memories are still firmly within me, and not contained in items. Best of luck to you as you continue to build new memories.

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Lizzy @ runbakerace     at 9:06 am

This is a great post! I always tell my hubby that if he moves me or gets transfered, it really doesn’t matter..home is where he is :) Hope you have a great move. Part of my family lives in Seattle and LOVES IT! A great place to grow up.

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Katie @ cooklaughmove     at 9:13 am

What a great post! I can’t say I’ve ever experienced those feelings towards a house, but I have towards a car!

When hubby sold his car, I cried! I was so sad to see it go, so many memories from our the onset of our relationship were connected to that car!

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Katie @ cooklaughmove Reply:

It reminds me of Miranda Lambert’s song “The House that Built Me”. EVERY time I hear the song or see the video, I start crying! So touching!

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Emily Malone Reply:

That song destroys me!

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Sarah @ The Pajama Chef     at 9:17 am

beautiful & true!

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Jen Correa     at 9:36 am

Beautiful post. I can relate on so many levels.

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Stacy @ Stacy Eats     at 9:38 am

Wow such a great post. You had me in tears!

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Elizabeth@The Sweet Life     at 9:53 am

what a beautiful and sincere post! thanks for sharing.

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Rachel Jacobs     at 9:54 am

That is beautiful and absolutely touching. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

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Michelle @ Turning Over a New Leaf     at 10:00 am

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I definitely have sentimental attachments to every place I’ve lived. I lived in the same house between age 4 and 17 (when I moved away to college), and after I graduated I started working for my alma mater and living in town. Since I’ve graduated I’ve moved four times. I only graduated 2.5 years ago.

My first apartment was a tiny 500 sq ft 1 bedroom. It wasn’t practical for long-term, or for an eventual two people, but it was special to me because that was my very first place and the only place I’ve lived alone. And my husband proposed to me in that apartment.

My second living situation was like a sitcom. For the three months before my wedding I lived in a seedy apartment with my college roommate. It was almost twice the size of my first place, but it was very obviously in the bad part of town and falling apart. The fun part was that it was the same complex where my husband was living with 2 of our other friends. The 5 of us were always at each others houses, barging in, stealing food, and crashing on couches. It was a real life Friends!

Edgar and I lived in a townhouse once we got married. It was 1200 sq ft and perfect for us at the time. We lived there 10 months, longer than any of my other apartments. We started off our married life there. We experienced the joy of bringing home and raising a puppy and shared the loss of losing the puppy to illness two month later. We struggled on one small income when Edgar tried for 7 months to find employment. We experienced lonliness together as we realized that all of our friends were graduating and moving on and feeling that our “purpose in Plainview was waning.” I started my blog in that house, really started learning to cook there, got healthy there, and realized my career goals there. And then one day I told Edgar I was feeling lead to host a dinner every weekend for some casual friends of ours. That decision changed everything. A few months later, as our lease was about to expire, in a time of uncertainty of whether we should stay where we were or move houses or out of town, we had our house laid at our feet. In a leap of faith and on a prayer we put a deposit on a rental house we could not afford on just my meager income. A week later Edgar was offered a job.

We still live in this house and we expect to spend at least another year here. We have found in our six months here that this house, this town, is not the furnishings, the walls, or the actual location. A year ago we felt hollow and lonely. We felt without purpose. We wanted to leave town desperately. Today we have a purpose here that we are convinced is not complete. Those weekend dinners I started last summer are still going strong, and our casual friends have become our very best friends, 10 months later. Our house has served so many in time of need and time of fulfillment. Times of sorrow and times of laughter. So often it feels like hallowed ground, with all the love we’ve shared in our short time here.

It will be my most difficult residence to leave. Not for the walls we painted ourselves, or the kitchen we renovated on our landlord’s dime. Or the garden I’m building in our backyard. It will be the experiences shared. The people who have made this our home. I just have to remember that when the time comes that we do leave, there will be other experiences awaiting.

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faith     at 10:07 am

I have moved 10 times over the last 15 years and it’s definitely gotten a lot easier emotionally. I remember when my grandparents sold their home (where my dad had grown up), I walked through the house kissing my hand and touching the walls like I was saying good-bye to a loved one. Many moves has helped me practice detachment to all material things and yet I still manage to be a total homebody and have a great appreciation for my home space.

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Stacey (The Home-Cooked Vegan)     at 10:10 am

What a sweet post :) Got me getting choked up over here at my desk! Haha.
I’m lucky enough to not remember my mom and dad’s divorce (I was only 3)..but I can totally understand how that must have left you feeling empty.

Moving can be so emotional,and you’re right- it does feel like you are leaving behind memories that are cherished. But home is where your family is and it’s never too late to come to that realization. I’m glad that you have!
I’m sure you will come to love your new house in Seattle :) And I love that you plan on making your own baby food! Awesomeness

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Lauren     at 10:21 am

Emily,

This is such a honest, emotional post. I’ve been reading all your updates since I heard about your move to Seattle, and I know it must be really hard. I lived in the same childhood home my whole life, and my parents still live there. I also just turned 30 a few months ago, and am now just understanding the same truth as you – a home is just a house, and where the love is, your family – that is the home. You could be camping out in the woods and that would feel more homey than a big, empty, loveless house!

Hang in there, and thank you for being so brave! I believe women have a special attachment to spaces so your thoughts touch all of us. When you arrive in Seattle, know that you, Casey, your dogs, and your baby in the making will be all your love and support and your house of love.

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Tameika     at 10:23 am

Oh wow! What a beautiful post Emily. I am so happy that you have faced your emotions and are now able to look forward to the future while still holding great memories of the past. Thank you for sharing. Really beautiful!

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Adriane @ Greenhorn Living     at 10:33 am

Amazing post! I am so impressed not only at your writing but also your ability to analyze your journey (I’m terrible at understanding myself–I’ll cry or get mad and have no idea why).

My Mom sold my childhood home (the first home she bought on her own after my parents divorce) two weeks ago and I did the final walkthrough. It was physically hard to leave, I just kept circling the rooms, certain I had forgotten something.

My brother and I are putting together a memory book for my Mom, who it also struck hard, and I defintely want it have the same tone as your post. We’ve lived in plenty of places together and apart, but our family unit isn’t going anywhere.

I wish you the best in your new home and your exciting new life chapter! One of my favorite quotes is “no matter how good or bad things are, it will change.” Stay positive and real, and enjoy each moment…and keep us posted, lol!

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Brittany     at 10:39 am

This post definitely brought tears to my eyes and memories to mind. I lived in the same house all through my childhood and one weekend when I came home from college, I was told our house had caught on fire. It was devastating. Right before this happened my parents had separated, my mom had fallen into an addiction and my whole life was turned upside down.

My Dad has since renovated the house and now lives there but it’s definitely not the same house I grew up in. Like you, I take the memories I have made and cherish them rather than stay saddened by the many moves I made and changes that have occurred.

Best of luck in your move to the West Coast. I’m still sad that you and I never got to meet up while we were living so close to one another!

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colleen     at 11:00 am

Simply beautiful! As many have stated before, you are an incredible writer. You brought me to tears. With several moves under my belt, each move is difficult for various reasons (usually the starting over with jobs, friends, etc.). Then I realize that with each move come new adventures and memories. The phase ‘home is where the heart is’ is so true.

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Laura     at 11:01 am

It seems like so many of us “divorced kids” have similiar leaving home stories! My parents got divorced when I was eleven and my mom, brother, and I moved from Massachusetts to Tennessee. I remember hanging on to the outside railing and crying about not wanting to leave. My uncle had to pry my hands off and carry me to the car because I wouldn’t go on my own.

On a lighter note, I always wanted a hamburger birthday cake like you have in the photo at the top! haha I remember seeing it in a magazine and thinking it was sooooo cool. ;-)

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Ché @ Knight at the Restaurant     at 11:12 am

This is such a great post. Great piece of writing, too.

The house I had in college was the first place I lived in that really felt like “mine.” I had a “master suite” complete with walk-in closet and attached full bath. It was wonderful and it was mine. Leaving it was the HARDEST thing in the world.

But you’re totally right. It wasn’t the house that I loved, it was how I felt when I was there. My boyfriend and I are looking for a house now, and I’m always worried I won’t love it as much as my college house, but this post is a great reminder that the house itself isn’t what makes a home. Thanks for that!

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Ashley P. @ The Vegetable Life     at 11:24 am

This is such an amazing post. Your family, friends, love, and memories will always be where ever you live.

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Carol     at 11:31 am

Well said! You are going to make so many more memories in your new home! Best of luck with the move!

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Elisabeth     at 11:42 am

What a beautiful post, Emily! Along with all of your other talents, you’re quite the writer :)

I’m definitely not so good with change, either, and all of the changes you’ve gone through & written about these last couples of years have really helped me! I’d like to make some big changes with my career (grad school would be involved) and possibly make a big move (lived in the same place in Ohio since birth, nearly 29 years ago) but fear of change/lack of confidence are definitely holding me back. Thank you for sharing so much with us, especially your feelings/thoughts/emotions related to all of your big life changes – the posts have definitely helped me see that change is scary, but it can definitely be a good thing! Thanks, Emily :)

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becca (bellebottoms)     at 11:53 am

by far, one of the best posts you’ve written! i absolutely agree with your message, that a house is really just a house.

my parents still own the house I was born and raised in, and I am dreading those emotions that will be stirred when they move. Even though I have not lived there for quite some time now, I can’t imagine the sadness that will be felt when I no longer return to that place. My entire life was built in that house…but like you said, my HOME is so much more than that!

:)

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LauraJayne     at 12:00 pm

I love this post – I moved 18 times growing up, and while I resented the moves each time, I realize now that it contributed to the very strong bond I have with my immediate family. I’ve even resisted moving out of state because I cannot imagine living more than an hour away from my parents and younger siblings! When my parents move, their house still feels like home, and I’m so totally grateful for them and circumstances that make us so close!

I loved your post today – and I know you will love it in Seattle!

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angela     at 12:04 pm

Very touching…..so true.

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Nanette     at 12:07 pm

I have a very similar story as yours, and as hard as it is to let go of something that has held so much, looking forward to what life has in store for you next leads to infinite possibilities.

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Melissa Kate     at 12:09 pm

What a beautiful and moving piece of writing. You definitely brought tears to my eyes as I thought about my own childhood memories. Thank you for sharing. My boyfriend and I are moving in together this June and I have been obsessed with making it our very own – the place to start our lives together. But thanks to you, I will remember that it’s just a house and the memories we make and the love we share will be with us forever (hopefully!)

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Anna     at 12:17 pm

I just realized you are moving to Seattle!!?? I’m from Seattle! (or a surrounding area). I hope this means you may open a restaurant, or something!!!

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Katy @ A Healthy Shot of Life     at 12:18 pm

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading this and remembering all of the special times in my family’s home. My parents haven’t moved since I was a baby, so I’m still living in the house I grew up in, and at 24 I’m facing the very near prospect of moving out on my own. I’ve thought a lot lately about how much I am going to miss waking up in my room with my sister, the familiar noises and footsteps, the constant companionship of my sister and brother, and coming home everyday to my parents. It’s those things though that make you realize that, like you said, it’s not the house but the people in it that make the home.

Your baby is incredibly blessed to have parents that realize that a good home is so much more than a nice house!

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Shayla     at 12:30 pm

Love love this post – it brought tears to my eyes and I can wholeheartedly relate to it. My dad is in construction so we moved quite frequently – we would live in a house for 2 years, he would build a new one, then we’d move and live in that one for another so many years. I have very fond memories of each house and each time it was so hard to leave. But like you, I’ve realized that no matter what, the memories will stay with me forever and I’m looking forward to building new ones with my husband and future baby :)

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Jessica     at 12:32 pm

I feel the same way!! It is SO hard leaving things behind. I feel that way about cars, couches, pretty much everything. You are so brave for picking up and starting over, but if it makes you feel any better, I picked up and moved from the Northeast to the San Juan Island of Washington a few years ago, and now that I’m back on the east coast for work, I miss being out there so much where the natural sights are as beautiful as I’ve ever seen. I think you’ll love it out there — very vegetarian friendly!!!

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Amber K     at 12:40 pm

Personally, I have never been attached to any of the places I’ve lived. But maybe that’s because I’ve seriously disliked them all. My husband and I are house hunting right now and I hope we can find a great place that I actually will feel some sort of attachment to.

This was a really touching blog, Emily. Thank you for sharing what’s important to you :)

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Hillary     at 12:44 pm

What a great post! It made me nostalgic for my childhood home. Congrats on the soon to be addition to your household.

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Maria     at 12:50 pm

I know how you feel. When I moved out of my first ever, “On my own Apartment” I cried. It was the first time I ever had been independant and in that apartment is where my fiance proposed to me. I was so sad to be leaving those memories behind but looking forward to what was to come. Moving in together.

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Cindy Robinson     at 1:07 pm

Such a great profound post. So glad you have found peace with your realization.

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leatitia     at 1:36 pm

Such a beautiful post… Congratulations on your new house. It will be a happy home.

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Emily     at 2:13 pm

This is an interesting blog to me. When I was young my mum and I rented our homes and moved around frequently. We averaged every year. By the time I was 13 I’d lived in 14 houses.

That might sound like a lack of stability to some people but I always found my stability with my mum and the other family in my life. The love from those people never wavered and that is what matters.

The only slightly dodgy side effects are that I now LOVE moving home, adore the first night in any new place, constantly volunteer to help people move to capture some of the moving feeling, and start getting itchy feet after 9 months in one house!

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SusanM     at 2:52 pm

A touching post. It sounds like you will have more insight as you make your next move. Embrace the change and this new chapter in your life. Seattle is a good place to raise a child.

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Mile Posts by Dorothy Beal     at 3:00 pm

You have such a way with words! Isn’t it crazy that it takes growing up to really understand our childhood. Everytime I realize why I have a certain issue with sometime I am reminded that I am molding the lives of three little people and for their sake I need to do the best I can so they can be the best they can. I’m so happy to have found your blog!

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Mile Posts by Dorothy Beal     at 3:01 pm

You have such a way with words! Isn’t it crazy that it takes growing up to really understand our childhood. Everytime I realize why I have a certain issue with something I am reminded that I am molding the lives of three little people and for their sake I need to do the best I can so they can be the best they can. I’m so happy to have found your blog!

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Kristen     at 3:19 pm

So very beautifully written! It’s amazing that we can be alive for 30 years and not even truly know ourselves still. I am still learning things about myself everyday. I am so happy that you are adjusting to the idea of moving. Seattle is a beautiful city (or so I’ve been told), and it seems like a wonderful place to raise a child! Lots of changes coming your way, but change never has to be a bad thing!

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Kristina     at 3:19 pm

Emily, I totally feel you. I am incredibly nostalgic and I even got weepy moving out of my freshman dorm. Right now I’m preparing to move out of my apartment (the first and only place I’ve ever lived that was really *my* place) and into a condo with my fiancee, but I feel so guilty because even though I’m excited for us to start our new life together I can’t help feeling sad about leaving the place I’ve learned to call home.

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sueP     at 3:31 pm

Well, no fair making an old(er) lady cry at work.

Beautifully said, Emily.

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Debbie     at 4:23 pm

This post is just what I needed. I am considering selling the first house I bought by myself after getting divorced. I knew it wouldn’t be forever and I love the new house but it’s so hard to leave this behind. Thanks for sharing. Glad to know I’m not alone.

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Melanie @ Trial By Trail     at 5:18 pm

What a beautiful post Emily! I can definitely understand how you felt about your childhood home. You are a fantastic writer and brought those emotions back so strongly for me. :) You were joking when you said “new found free time” though right? Babies tend to take that away from you. :-)

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Nicole @ Making Good Choices     at 8:25 pm

I can relate to so much of what you wrote, especially leaving the house you grew up in. I can remember sitting in the car in the driveway of my house after my parents got divorced and just crying that day we moved. I had so many memories in that house and still drive by it sometimes. But you are right, a house is just a house and you bring with you the memories and love you had in each place. Beautifully written post.

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Kristen, Sweetly     at 9:59 pm

I went away to school, and couldn’t have been happier. And I can’t wait to get my first apartment all on my own… But my house will always be my house, and I can’t imagine far down the line when it might end up not being anymore! My mom’s dad built the house, and it’s going to keep getting passed down. But I understand that situations could very well change for all of us. It’s crazy to think about, so I totally understand. It is amazing that you realized you could separate the house from the home-feelings! :-) I hope we can all do that.

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Heather     at 1:04 am

What a beautiful post and reflection. Inspiring, too. Cheers to the realization and your decision to move forward to this next step and enjoying the journey! HUG.

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maya @ finding balance in tokyo     at 3:19 am

Thank you so much for posting this. I understand what you mean and how you feel completely. I have never dealt well with change, and I have always invested too much emotional meaning to physical objects.

Moving from place to place and leaving such memory-filled places behind, or even something as simple as breaking a favorite glass, trigger huge emotional responses from me. Like you I understand that the objects themselves don’t mean as much as the memories, and every change is an opportunity for something new and better, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to leave a place without tears.

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Amy     at 7:32 am

I love that line! so true… posting it as my fb status (with credit of course!) no miles can separate those that are in your heart!

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grandma Diane     at 10:24 am

EM, you need to talk to Aunt Toby. She has had to move so many times during her marriage and Kroger. Always has been left to sell the house on her own while Kev went on to his new job several weeks before. I’m sure she has some insight into your situation.
Grandma Diane.

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Andrea @ CanYouStayForDinner.com     at 10:39 am

Such a beautiful post. So much heart. Your insight is inspiring and raw. I loved reading

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Monica     at 12:27 pm

Great post, and oh so true! I struggle with many of these same feelings. My parents divorced when I was seventeen and I think it forever altered my comfort and issues with “homesickness”. It was hard to have the feeling of home challenged and I have had to reach a place in life where home is really wherever my husband is, not the physical structure of which I live in.

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Catherine     at 11:25 am

This post really resonantes with me, and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a deep, personal part of your life with us. My parents sold my childhood home when I was 19 and living out of the country, and I didn’t have the chance to “say goodbye” to it. Now, any moves relating to my family members or me are quite difficult. While I still mourn the house and the loss of connection to my hometown, I too, am learning to make new spaces “home” – where the family is.

Thank you. This was beautiful. Best of luck with your move.

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Cati @ crave and create     at 4:02 pm

Thank you for this post, Emily. I will soon be changing to a new career, and will need to move from my home because I will no longer be able to afford it. I’ve been experiencing many of the same emotions you described, and your post was exactly what I needed to read to help me understand that it is what I do that transforms a house into a home.

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Haley     at 9:20 pm

I absolutely love this post. So beautiful…just like you :-)

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Michaela     at 5:08 pm

What a wonderful post! I am in a similar situation myself and your post helps me understand what I already know, yet at the same time, do not want to accept.
I spend the last couple of hours reading your posts, you are such a sweet person and a true inspiration!
Thank you so much, Emily!

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Lara     at 7:40 pm

Oh my goodness–I can relate to this so much. I too get SO attached to the places I live. I think it is because I grew up living in the same house (like you), until my later teen years, when my parents divorced. My dad is still in the house I grew up in (thank goodness, I will bawl if he ever leaves), but my mom has moved twice. I have lived in about 8 different places since moving out when I was 18 to go to college. I am attached to every single one of them.
Have you heard Miranda Lambert’s song “The House That Built Me”? That is what this post reminds me of :)

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