about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    EmilyBMalone@gmail.com

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    A Look Back.



Learning to Love my Pregnant Body.

Several years ago, after months and years of denial and avoidance, I found myself standing on the scale facing a number I truly could not believe was a reflection of me

When you gain weight slowly over time, it’s easy to not realize just how out of hand things have gotten.  You feel your jeans getting tighter, but you blame bloating or the winter weather.  For every pair of pants that is difficult to button, there is always the hint of reality in the background, quickly covered up with excuses or “tomorrows.” 

After years of poor diet and little exercise, my tomorrow finally became a today.  And slowly but surely, the weight came off little by little.  I reached one goal, and then another.  Eventually I set new goals, and fell in love with fitness and nutrition.  What started as a desire to look better physically, became a transformation of my whole life – emotionally, romantically, and professionally.

My attitude was different, and my outlook was bright.  I loved looking in the mirror and trying on clothes.  I knew that my new body had not come easy or genetically – it was the product of hours, weeks, and years of hard work in both the gym, and inside of my head.  I was really proud of myself.

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Since initially getting into shape, falling back out of shape has always been one of my bigger fears.  When I finally reached my goals, I made a promise to myself that life would never go back to the way it was before.  For me, it has never been so much about the way the rest of the world sees me, but more about how being fit has brought a level of confidence to all areas of my life.

Even in the past few years, my body has continued to change and adapt to life and age.  Now 30, I don’t see my body toning quite as quickly as it did when I was 27, and the ever-increasing pace of life has made it difficult to put in the many hours at the gym that I once did.  But even so, I’ve maintained a level of fitness I have felt good about, and have been comfortable with what I saw both on the scale and in the mirror. 

So getting pregnant has always been something that I knew would be an emotional challenge for me.  Please don’t get me wrong, I am both grateful and humbled to get to enjoy this journey.  Finally experiencing it for myself, I believe now more than ever that life truly is a miracle. 

But I can’t pretend that watching my body grow and change each day has not been somewhat unsettling at times.  After working so hard to achieve goals I never thought were possible, it is hard to step on the scale and see numbers that bring back difficult memories.  Of course I realize that weight gain and growth are a natural and normal part of pregnancy, but it is one that most definitely also comes with its own set of emotions.

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I get the feeling that dealing with a new pregnant body is something many women struggle with, and yet we are too afraid to speak up and admit it.  But I am willing to step out there and say that this is not easy for me.  I love the baby inside of me a little more each day, and if he needed me to gain 200 pounds for him, I would.  But every morning I wake up and walk into a closet filled with clothes…

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Knowing that only one small stack will actually fit my new curves and expanding waistline. 

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I have a feeling that once my belly is more round, and the nursery is all set up and ready to go, all of these changes will feel more comfortable.  Right now I sort of feel trapped between the old version of me that I knew so well, and the new unknown version of me that still feels far away. 

My saving grace through all of this has been Casey, who tells me I am gorgeous every single day – no matter how dumpy my maternity pants, or how ill-fitting my t-shirt.  I’m scared of what my body will look like in two months.  I’m even more scared of what my body will look like once the baby arrives.  I also realize that no matter what, the healthy arrival of our baby boy is the most important thing that I can focus on right now.

So I’m going to continue to keep eating my best, moving as much as I can, and stepping on the scale a little less often.  Learning to embrace each change and curve is a challenge, but just one of the many I am happy to face on this incredible journey to motherhood.

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184 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Kim @ girlevolving     at 4:48 pm

Emily, I completely understand. I felt the same way in those “in between” months and cried and worried… now that my belly really looks like a pregnant belly it’s been easier to embrace my new body and be excited about the changes. For me that happened around week 24 (I took awhile to pop). Hang in there. You do look beautiful and pregnant, even if right now you just feel awkward!

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Lindsey Grossman     at 4:50 pm

It’s very brave of you to admit your fears and insecurities about your pregnant body. I remember hating that in-between stage because I feared people who didn’t know I was pregnant just thought I had a huge gut. But I assure you that no one else sees this. Everyone else sees you as you are… a beautiful pregnant woman! One thing I did to curb my weight gain anxiety was stop weighing myself. I put away our scale at home and when I went to the doctor’s office, I looked away when they weighed me and asked them to only tell me my weight if it were a concern. It really helped not to know the number!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Lindsey!

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Madison @ Espresso and Cream     at 4:51 pm

Emily, thank you so much for posting this. Although Joey and I aren’t at the point of wanting to have a baby for a while into our marriage, the thought of my body going back to the ‘old’ me I was in college (even if it is pregnancy-related) is a bit scary.

Although I know I got to where I am now with hard work and discipline, sometimes I feel like I’m just on borrowed time with this fit healthy body and that the ‘old me’ will resurface eventually.

Those thoughts, of course, are lies. But it’s so hard to remember. Keep up the positive thinking! You truly do look beautiful, no matter what the number on the scale says! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

I totally know what you mean about the “borrowed time.” I have felt that way too! Like – how long can I keep this up?

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Nicole     at 4:54 pm

I’m pretty sure I’ll be struggling with the same emotions once I get pregnant (hopefully next year!). Right now I’m trying to get on track and get my body healthy and in shape so that when it is time, I won’t be as stressed about gaining the baby weight. Currently my fear is that if I were to be pregnant now, I’d zoom over that dreaded 200lb mark that will wreak havoc with my mental state. I’m having a hard enough time as it is! I read your blog and similar ones all the time, always inspired by your stories…yet I can’t seem to get myself in gear to meet my own goals. I just need to stop thinking about “tomorrow” and start with “today”!

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Dee Reply:

Oh my gosh, I totally agree Nicole! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Good luck – it definitely sounds like you are on the right track!

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Staci     at 4:54 pm

I felt much the same way. I’d worked very hard in the early 00′s to lose 40 pounds and I gained it all back in pregnancy. I didn’t try to, want to, etc. It just happened. But, after I got about past month six, I started to embrace my body. My stomach was rock hard and beautiful (if I do say so myself). I’m 31 and nothing tones as fast as it did but I can say I lost the 40 pounds again and have since gained a few pounds of muscle. I still struggle to be okay with a number but I also have to get to a point where I accept my body’s changing. Lucky for you, you have a man that appreciates every ounce of you (and that baby boy). You’ll get it back, Emily. I know it.

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gabriella @ embracement     at 4:55 pm

Emily, this is such a great post! I’m no where near any time to consider a baby, but I have some of these thoughts even now. I have definite anxiety over going back to the body I had at one point. I know I will remain healthy and active while pregnant (or at least I hope I can), but I think the thought of knowing I don’t have control is what scares me. Obviously, all the changes are for the best and things you become submissive too, but I definitely agree that it’s probably a struggle that most women never address. I think its so real, honest, and healthy for you to be discussing all your thoughts and emotions and offering an outlet to people who aren’t sure if they should be voicing these opinions.

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Sarah @ The Pajama Chef     at 4:55 pm

thanks for your honesty! i think alot of women can relate. love your perspective…

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Betty     at 4:56 pm

I enjoy and admire how you ‘put yourself’ out there with many of your posts.
But I also cringe, when you talk about your baby body as ‘fat’ – your baby body is changing, you are not getting fat – in the sense of how your body used to be before your efforts to change your life.
I wonder, also, if our culture’s value on wearing the same clothes – pregnant or not, and also right after birth, contributes to a mini-competition in our heads as you look in the mirror. If you wore maternity tops as soon as t-shirts got tight, I’d think you’d see yourself differently – not in a tight tshirt, but in a piece of clothing designed to be comfortable through this process.

Take care and I await next weeks fruit !
just my ramblings and thoughts -

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Lauren Reply:

Betty-I think your comment about wearing maternity tops is spot on. And maternity top doesn’t have to mean empire waist with buddy print. Gap makes some really comfortable maternity shirts that give you some more room but to the rest of the world, do not seem like a “maternity” top.

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Lauren Reply:

that should have been “bunny” print…

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Katie @ Life... Discombobulated Reply:

I know it’s a little silly to spend much $ on pregnancy clothes, but sometimes, if it makes you feel better, it might totally be worth it! My sister was pregnant last summer and got some of the CUTEST clothes from A Pea in the Pod. And, BONUS, they were clothes that were made to be worn post-baby as well!

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Sara Reply:

I don’t think she used the word ‘Fat’ and I would imagine that was on purpose. I know exactly how you feel Emily, the added weight is difficult and it is a strange thing to have no control over your fitness and shape any longer. You look beautiful!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Hi Betty! I definitely didn’t refer to myself as fat, as I know that is not the case. It’s just an interesting experience to have to get to know a new body each and every day. Maternity shirts are definitely on my list for this weekend… :)

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Betty Reply:

oh, text only communication is so hard….. I do understand you are talking about your experience with a changing body.
I was just interpreting your words differently – I shall stop now :) !

Have a great weekend – may the sun shine and you go to the waterside

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Jennifer (The Gourmetour)     at 4:57 pm

Thanks for sharing! Honestly, I am not married let alone anywhere near pregnancy, but I can totally understand the root of the feelings you feel. It’s hard to release the control on your own weight once you have gained control, especially when you have experienced a feeling of “out-of-control” in some sense before. Right now you just need to remember that this feeling of being out of control of your weight is nothing more than nature doing what it needs to do! It’s not you doing something you shouldn’t do!
You’re gorgeous!

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Lauren     at 4:58 pm

You are at a hard stage of pregnancy when YOU know you look pregnant but aren’t sure about what the rest of the world is thinking. I would advise not weighing yourself at home…the doctor will do it at each apt anyway and will be advising you as to whether or not you are gaining too much/too little etc. I’ve had a little bit of a struggle with what my post baby body looks like now (almost two years later). I don’t think my stomach will ever be the same. It doesn’t look horrible, just different. But then I see my son and remind myself that I did this for HIM and I see it more of a badge of honor. I used this body to bring a human being into this world, and how awesome is that? ;)

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Katy @ MonsterProof     at 4:59 pm

I had a REALLY difficult time with this. And, you know what? I came home from the hospital TODAY and already look pretty darn good: http://monsterproof.blogspot.com/2011/05/happy-birthday-robby-long-version.html

I just wanted to say to you that, even though we’re 30, I KNOW that we will make it back to where we want to be because it is a priority. So, sit back and enjoy the ride. I know, I’m a hypocrit that worried about it daily. But YOU CAN DO IT.

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Emily Malone Reply:

You look AMAZING, and congrats on your gorgeous little one!! :)

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Ashley     at 5:08 pm

I can imagine myself in the same position. Even though I’m not preggo, I completely understand! It’s just a new part of life to learn to accept and you’ll grow stronger from it!

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Emily     at 5:09 pm

Goodness, Emily, thank you so much for posting this. As I’m only a teenager and obviously won’t be getting pregnant for a while, I can only imagine what you must be going through right now, so I won’t even pretend I can fully appreciate everything you’ve just written, but I want to tell you that as someone who has struggled with body image issues for a while, this post means so much to me. I recently lost around 20 pounds, which is actually quite a bit more than I intended to, and as far as I know, I’m pretty underweight right now – I may or may not have lost my period, I guess I’ll know for sure in a few weeks…. I’m just sort of collecting myself at the moment and pretty soon am going to try to gain some of it back, but God only knows how scary it’s going to be.
I admit – it’s really, really screwed up that the number on the scale has such a big influence on the way I feel. All I really want is to be healthy and to do the right thing for my body, so why should it be so psychologically exhausting to gain weight?! Here’s hoping you and I both can relax a bit knowing that we ARE doing what’s good for us. And by the way, Casey’s right – you look absolutely beautiful. :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Emily! Good luck to you!

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Amanda Reply:

To both Emilys:
I have dealt with body image issues for some time now and understand the effect it can have psychologically. I’m still working on my own insecurities, and your stories and feelings inspire me to continue to work towards acceptance of myself. You are both strong women, and I hope you know how truly beautiful you are- inside and out.

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Melissa @ HerGreenLife     at 5:09 pm

Our past experiences clearly shape our current fears. About 7 years ago, I went through a period of unintentional (and unneeded) weight LOSS due to a hyperactive thyroid.

When I found out I was pregnant in November, and a blood test showed a slightly off thyroid level, I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to gain the necessary weight during pregnancy.

Turns out the thyroid is fine, but I have been celebrating each pound gained, instead of fearing it.

I did enjoy my toned and flat abs of my pre-pregnant body, so despite not minding the pregnancy weight gain, I do have some fears (or at least questions) about where things will settle post-baby.

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Leanne (Bride to Mrs.)     at 5:12 pm

I just had a MAJOR aha moment when you talked about finally stopping with all of the “tomorrows” and deciding that you’ll start “today.”

I also commend you on being so brave to talk about a topic that I’m sure is unpopular.

Great post Em! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Leanne!

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Katherine     at 5:14 pm

I am almost 32 weeks along and have gained 35 pounds! It is a wild thing to step on the scale and see a number I have never seen before, but I know that it’s what this sweet girl needs and I also know so much of the weight is her, the placenta and a lot of fluids. I read somewhere once that it should take just as long to loose the baby weight as it does to gain it; knowing that is making me so comfortable with what the future holds. Embrace it, savor it, enjoy it….and eat what your body wants! Everyday I am amazed at my body’s ability to house this beautiful baby inside. Marvel at this amazing process!

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Chloe (South Beach Diet Girl)     at 5:14 pm

I think this post is relatable to a lot of women who either are pregnant, have children already, or are thinking about having children one day. Our society puts a lot of pressure on women to be fit and healthy, even during trying times like pregnancy, and then heavily emphasizes getting your original body back after baby without focusing on what matters most during this time – the health of the baby and the mother!
I’m glad you’re being honest about your feelings because that’s all you can really do right now in the midst of all these changes. However, I do think you’ll get used to the weight gain…especially when you get even more of a bump!

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Alayna @ Thyme Bombe     at 5:18 pm

I have similar thoughts about this. My husband and I were planning on starting a family this year but are more likely to wait until next year or the year after while we try to find somewhere to live that we plan to be for several years. I still haven’t reached my body and fitness goals, so I’m not ready to “give my body up” to pregnancy. I’m afraid that I’ll finally reach those goals right before I get pregnant and then have all of that hard work “undone.” I know that being healthy and fit is never a bad thing and is a great thing I can do for my future pregnant body, but it still feels like a waste of time sometimes when I know my body will change out of my control when baby time comes. At the same time, I can’t wait to be that really cute pregnant lady in yoga pants and a tank top with a giant tight belly and killer biceps!

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Emily Malone Reply:

I am feeling pretty cute in my pregnant lady yoga pants today. :)

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Renee     at 5:20 pm

Keep walking. Weigh in only at your appointments.
It’s incredible how much your body grows. It’s not just the 7 lbs of baby, it’s so much more. And it will ALL come off after your baby arrives. Our bodies are incredible.
The “old” number on the scale might have to go on the back burner for a while.
Love your blog!

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Nichole (Flirting with Food, Fitness and Fashion)     at 5:23 pm

I imagine so many mothers go through this, as would I when I decided I want to get pregnant – I am sure so many of us think it! I look forward to reading about your journey!

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Kate     at 5:29 pm

Thank you. I am about a week and a half behind you in my pregnancy, and I seem to be thinking a lot of the same things that you are at the same times. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person who feels this way!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Congrats Kate! You are definitely not alone. :)

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Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life)     at 5:32 pm

I completely understand! I am only 2-3 pounds away from being back at my highest weight ever. It’s kind of scary because I know I still have 104 days to go (who’s counting?! ;)) and that I’m going to way surpass my highest weight ever, and won’t recognize my body.

I have a supportive and loving husband too (God bless them!) and know (logically) I am gaining healthy weight to take care of my sweet baby, BUT it doesn’t make it easy all the time, especially when I see all my friends throwing on cute sun dresses when I have nothing that fits.

But we’ll get back in shape, maybe a different shape, but just as healthy, and have beautiful babies, too. Just keep picturing the finish line! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

I think I need a countdown widget. :)

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katie     at 5:35 pm

Love this post! You truly look beautiful and I love you!

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Lisa     at 5:40 pm

I feel the same way. Getting bigger has been hard but I know it’s necessary for the health of our baby girl. My lowest point was crying in the dressing room of a maternity clothes store and my husband coming in to comfort me. He told me that I wasn’t getting fat, the BABY was growing and that made a big difference. I know my body will never be the same after pregnancy, am I naive to think that maybe I can get into even better shape then? Probably. But it’s a nice goal to have. I want my baby girl to see her mama as someone who cares about her health and taking care of her body, not someone who is constantly dieting or complaining about looking fat. I hope I can make it happen :-) For me, my saving grace is that at 29 weeks 4 days, I have not gained weight anywhere but in my belly. I’ve gained 19 pounds overall, but I feel fantastic. Here’s hoping that doesn’t change in the next 10 weeks!!

Casey is right, you are gorgeous and your baby boy is going to be amazing. He is one lucky baby to have you and Casey for parents!

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Tiffany     at 5:41 pm

I can totally relate. I wish I could tell you it does get better, but for me it only lasted a short time after I started really showing. I’m now 28 weeks and I just can’t believe how big I am! I’m still well within the range of appropriate weight gain, but it starts coming much faster as the baby plumps up and that’s a bit scary.

One piece of advice…do NOT go on a beach babymoon. That’s what we just did and by the end I felt like a whale on the beach even though it is NOT true. It’s just hard to see the numbers on the scale and the drastic changes to your appearance!

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Emily Malone Reply:

We have a beach trip planned with family when I’ll be 7 months. Should be interesting! I’m going to just try to embrace it and tell the family not to make any jokes. :)

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Tiffany Reply:

I still had a good time, but it was rough on my ego seeing everyone else in little bathing suits and active. I’m sure you’ll be better off since you know going into it that you have to have the right mindset! It caught me off guard since I’d been feeling pretty good about how I was progressing until that point.

Your family better NOT make any jokes! :)

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Katherine     at 5:42 pm

Emily, I really appreciate your honesty with this post. I think you’re right that a lot of women feel this way but are afraid to admit it. It’s very brave of you to share this feeling.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Katherine!

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CAROL     at 5:43 pm

I really must say that this extremely well written. I COMPLETELY understand your feelings and I too worked REALLY hard to lose my college weight when I was in my 20′s. However, when I got pregnant (@ 31), my body just completely rejected the healthy eating habits…ALL I WANTED WAS CARBS! Carbs and more carbs! Grilled chicken, salads, fruits, vegetables, they all grossed me out! I let myself go a little (like by gaining 60 pounds on my 5′ frame!! YIKES!) but honestly, I loved it! It’s taken me a long time to get it off but I had a beautiful healthy baby girl and if I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn’t change a thing (OK, well maybe not eat a huge brownie every single day!) You look great and don’t worry about anything. You are obviously in great shape and your body will completely bounce back. Enjoy! :-)

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Michaela     at 5:45 pm

As others have said before, it is really very brave of you to speak that openly about it. I truly hope that you will be able to fully accept your body, because this is so important. Also, it affects the baby, so, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you good luck on your journey and I hope you can accept that extra weight. Lots of love! Michaela

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Alexa @ Simple Eats     at 5:47 pm

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I’m sure it’s scary, but like you said, I bet it will get much more comfortable once your body starts to change.

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Katie @ Life... Discombobulated     at 5:47 pm

I love this post! I am not, nor have I been, pregnant, but I think that women (people?) in all walks of life can relate to the honesty of this post. We work hard to be healthy and get (or stay) in shape, but life happens, our bodies change, and we have to learn to accept ourselves and appreciate the amazing things our bodies can do for us. I’m certain you’re correct when you say that a lot of women deal with changing body issues along with pregnancy. And I’m certain it’s nice for those women to know they’re not alone.

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Liz     at 5:47 pm

Thank you for sharing all of this. Even though I’m not pregnant and don’t plan to be for a while, and I’ve never been quite as thin as you, I can absolutely relate to everything you’ve gone through. Especially your post with the details about your cycle problems. I’m there! And I’ve never met anyone else who knows what I’m talking about. So thanks for putting it out there and letting me know I’m not alone.

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Emily Malone Reply:

You are most definitely NOT alone! I think a lot of women have cycle problems, and everyone is afraid or embarrassed to talk about it! Good luck to you. :)

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Wendy     at 5:51 pm

Emily, you look fabulous! I almost miscarried during my second pregnancy and had to be on strict bed rest. I went from being a runner to someone who was exhausted after a flight of stairs, with total fitness loss and plenty of weight gain! BUT…6 months later…healthy baby boy! No, I wasn’t red-carpet-ready 2 months later, but that’s unrealistic unless physical appearances are a higher priority than babies. The weight will come off in time, and you’re going to be so in love with your new little man that you probably won’t even be worried about it! Best wishes!!!

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Liz     at 6:01 pm

You are definitely not the only one; my sister lost a lot of weight and waited many many years to get pregnant out of fear of losing her body again. It definitely comes with a whole set of challenges and emotions.

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Tiffany     at 6:14 pm

This is so normal! So many women like you experience the same kinds of emotions in regards to their body changing and the weight gain. it has nothing to do with being ungrateful…it is just part of the pregnancy journey and all the hormones.

I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with my babies. After awhile I adjusted to it and began to truly just embrace the little human being within me growing bigger and bigger.

You are doing great! Kudos to you for sharing your heart with all of us. Best wishes on your pregnancy.

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Claire     at 6:49 pm

These are normal and very true fears. As women, I think this fear is even more profound. Weight is something we are so intrinsically aware of that the thought of going back to an unhappy weight is uttery terrifying, no matter what the circumstances. But it’s amazing that you have such a supportive husband. Like you said, I think once you feel more like a “pregnant person” it’ll feel more normal, you are definitely in a limbo period right now. But thank you for sharing!

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Jessica Flemming     at 7:23 pm

I never had a big weight loss journey before I got pregnant, never really had to think about what I ate. If I felt bloated I would move more and things would even out. I totally took that carefree attitude and lifestyle for granted. Then we finally decided we were ready to try for a baby and a few months later I found out I was pregnant with TWINS!!! I was immediately filled with fear about how big I would get. I was really sick like you for the first trimester and of course the first book I read about twin pregnancy told me I was supposed to gain a pound a week in the first trimester. I was WAY behind that mark and as soon as I was hungry again I made up for lost time. I ended up gaining 55 pounds with my twins and felt pretty good about it. I felt like I looked HUGE, but was really proud that my babies were each 5 pounds 12 ounces although they were born at 36 weeks. My niece was born 5 weeks earlier and was almost double the weight of my babies by the time they arrived. I had SUCH anxiety about how small they were in comparison. If I could have gained 50 more pounds to make them more normal sized babies, I would have. I ended up breastfeeding them for 13 months and by the time they were 7 months old the clothes I wore before I was pregnant were falling off me they were so big. I felt like I had to buy new clothes almost every 3 months throughout my pregnancy and for the first year of their lives. Nothing ever fit right, I felt frumpy in everything. Just when I would get tired of feeling like that and invest in new clothes at the right new size, that size would change again. Finally once they were about a year and a half I evened out about 8 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. It helped to put away in storage all the clothes that didn’t fit. Finally once I was at a size for more than 6 months I tried on everything and gave away all the ill-fitting clothes. It was a big relief to have my body back and not have constant reminders of all the fluctuations. It’s a journey for sure. Forget the scale and embrace this time when your body is growing another human! Best of luck.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Casey really wanted twins! :) Maybe next time…

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Megan     at 7:30 pm

I have to say Emily, thank you for being honest. I really admire that you are able to open yourself up to us all online, and talk about the things that no one really talks about.

Thank you.

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Cary     at 7:36 pm

Emily, you are so sweet and honest. I have definitely been exactly where you are right now as a mother who has a history of eating disorders in my earlier years. BUT, I’ve had 2 babies and I think the bigger you get, the better it is! Right now, you are just getting out of the frumpy-dumpy stage where your pregnancy could be mistaken for a overly zealous brunch buffet. Pretty soon your belly will pop and you will start to really feel that baby boy moving. It will brighten your spirits! Thanks for being real and transparent about something that most people don’t talk about.

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Brandy     at 7:39 pm

I just wanted to comment to thank you for being so honest on your blog. It would be really easy to post a bunch of pictures and only talk about the good stuff but it’s nice to know that you’re ‘real’ too! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Brandy! :)

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Kristen @ The Concrete Runner     at 7:49 pm

I wrote about this same topic about a month ago when I was just starting to see my belly grow. I’ve been around the same weight almost my entire life so seeing the 10 pound increase on the scale has been a little difficult for me, but actually really LOVE my pregnant body! The only time I am ever self-conscious of it is when I am working out since I still don’t quite look like I’m with-child, more like I’ve been drinking a lot of beer. But, I was told my weight gain is perfect. And like you said, if I have to gain 200 pounds to support the life of my baby, I will. Because to me, it’s totally worth it.

By the way, you look absolutely gorgeous with your pregnant belly! I’m glad you are learning to embrace it because it truly is beautiful.

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Jess (In My Healthy Opinion)     at 8:06 pm

I love this post. I don’t plan to be pregnant for a long time, but this is SO honest, and I can honestly say that it’s something I think about for the future. Your writing and story is so well told, and it’s so sweet to see how much you’re willing to do, and how much you already love Baby G. You are gorgeous!! I have no doubt you’ll end up exactly where you want to be. :)

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Rachel     at 8:24 pm

Oh how I understand! I’m 23 weeks along with a baby girl, and as a triathlete and runner it’s really hard to accept that my body just can’t move like it used to, and fit into my favorite clothes. Pregnancy is by far the most humbling challenge I’ve ever faced, and I’m sometimes ashamed of the way I think and feel. It seems so immature! But there’s a brand new life growing inside me, and that’s just the most beautiful thing in the world :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

I feel ashamed of it too, but I know that there is no way I’m the only one feeling this way. Congrats to you and baby girl! :)

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Kate @ Spoonful of Vigor     at 8:27 pm

I really appreciate your honesty about your feelings toward your body. I love the healthy living blog community, but I think it’s something people often shy away from talking about. But such an important conversation to have!

Also, I’m in the market for a new scale… do you like the model pictured in this post?

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Emily Malone Reply:

I love that scale! It’s the Tanita body fat monitor, and it tells you all sorts of cool thing besides weight – body fat, water levels, muscle mass, etc. Highly recommend!

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afarmerinthedell.com     at 8:32 pm

Loved this post. So honest. Bravo.

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Jess     at 8:42 pm

While I’ve never been pregnant myself, I think that I’ll experience these same struggles as you. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed – the only way you’ll get over these fears is if you give them voice! Thanks for being so honest and keeping it real :-)

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Lauren     at 8:52 pm

I love this post because it’s so close to my heart. Not that I am pregnant, but I ALWAYS think of how I am going to handle the changes in my body when it does happen. I think my husband is going to be my saving grace as well. There is a reason why they say to wait until your married. Can you imagine going through this without your best friend and life companion?

You are amazing Emily and I honestly value and cherish these experiences that you are sharing. It makes me legitimately excited to become pregnant someday.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Every time I am scared or anxious about something, remembering that I have Casey to do it with puts me at ease. :)

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Lu @ A Mix of it All     at 9:05 pm

Your feelings are completely valid. I think every pregnant woman feels a bit of that. Especially the part about what you will look like after. There will be a baby so it won’t seem so bad… :) You’re brave to show this side of your feelings.

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Babs     at 9:30 pm

So frank and honest :) You’re beautiful and hardworking, and I know you’ll be pre-preggo Emily very soon after giving birth.

I dont know if you follow Laury over at the Fitness Dish, but she just had a baby girl and is blogging about getting the bod back. Following her journey, which is just beginning, may help you to realize you’re going to be able to get back to feeling great again

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Emily Malone Reply:

I think maybe you linked to her before? I just started following her! She looks amazing already – very inspiring. Thanks for sending her my way! :)

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chelsey @ clean eating chelsey     at 9:35 pm

You are absolutely beautiful inside and out. Thank you for being so honest about your struggles!

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Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine     at 9:37 pm

Thank you for writing what I have been feeling a lot of the time since becoming pregnant. But now that I am 24 weeks, I honestly have truly embraced this new curvy me. While I still some days fear I won’t get back to my pre-preggo size, I honestly have really enjoyed the chance to just trust my body and it seems to really know what it needs now.

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Laura     at 9:37 pm

Thank you for this honest post! I am truly enjoying reading about your pregnancy journey, and I appreciate how reflective you are. I imagine I would feel similar when my time comes.

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Christina     at 9:43 pm

This was a very brave post! I’m glad you’re getting so much positive feedback.

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Christine     at 9:48 pm

Thank you! My child-less friends and I talk about this all the time. We feel guilty about having reservations about pregnancy, and when you bring looks into it you start worrying about seeming vain. But it’s not- when you have to work to stay in shape, and have gone through struggles to get there, the fear is real and the concern is definitely justified. And, by the way, you look great!

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Hollie     at 10:09 pm

I like this post!
I could definitely relate with my pregnancies. It IS scary and unsettling- and wonderful all at the same time!! :)

I think it is important to recognize- as you did explain in your post, that you are taking note of the feelings and despite the fears are grateful for the journey, as was I.

I imagine some people might read this and think they would not struggle with any of that if they got blessed with a pregnancy, but I think it is human nature- DESPITE the absolutely wonderful outcome of mommy-hood,pregnancy is still scary, and different, and uncomfortable, and many unknowns (and hormones!) IT IS OK to feel that stuff!! (I had a very turbulent first pregnancy and despite so much gratitude for a healthy baby after multiple hospitalizions STILL had the same feelings you shared.)

Thanks for sharing. :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Hollie! I think it’s important to recognize both the good and the bad.

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Lee     at 10:17 pm

I totally understand the fear of falling out of shape. I lost about 30 pounds six years ago and gaining it back is a fear of mine.

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rachel     at 10:32 pm

I really appreciate how honest you are. I’m definitely excited to have kids in a few years, but not at all excited to deal with a changing body both during and after-pregnancy (or several pregnancies!). Keeping fit is already a lot of effort! To me, I think you’re lucky that your pre-pregnancy body was already so toned and lean, and your baby bump looks like a baby bump–it’s cute!

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Kari @ bite-sized thoughts     at 10:45 pm

Thanks for sharing these thoughts and this post. I can only imagine how disconcerting, even whilst exciting and joyous, it would be to watch your body change when you have worked so hard in the past to bring it to a point you are proud of. I also imagine that you are not the only person out there to experience that! I hope the next few months bring more peace and satisfaction with the changes, as you get used to them and the experience of looking pregnant :)

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Marta     at 10:47 pm

Hi Emily :) I’m no authority on this topic, but I can tell you that every single one of my girlfriends who has been pregnant has felt the exact same way. Simultaneously joyful that your body is doing such an amazing thing and yet frustrated by the pounds and inches that it takes to get there.

I have a tip that works tho! Go out and splurge on yourself a bit. Buy a lovely shirt, a dress (or two!) that fit and make you smile. Pick a colour that brings out your eyes or a print that makes you happy. Just do it! You won’t regret the money spent (any other 9 months you’d be spending at least a bit o dough on some new threads, right?) and you can always reuse them if there is a next time or pass them along to a girlfriend when it’s her time. I swear this will help!!

I also have some reassurance. The time and energy you put into your fitness before getting pregnant (I know the accident was a setback but that can’t undo all your work!) will pay off after you give birth. It’s a million times easier to get back into shape if you already were before, I’ve seen it over and over. So enjoy your active pregnancy! You look gorgeous!!

M :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Marta! It has definitely been hard going from a post-accident body to a baby-body – I just don’t feel like I had time to get back to my best self. But you are right – a few good pieces of clothing might make a world of difference. :)

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Katherine     at 10:48 pm

Can I just say how much I love this!

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bitt     at 10:52 pm

Please keep in mind you have a problem of the privileged. You are healthy enough and financially secure enough to have a child. Many people would love to be in your situation. I wonder if you are one of those types that just looks for something to worry about even when everything is just fine? I know I am like that. But my body is not healthy enough to have kids right now and I can’t be concerned about a few pound weight gain because I have other much more significant health issues to face. So please consider yourself blessed.

I have noticed your posts about your “How big is the baby” have been very self-critical of your body. Sounds like this pregnancy is bringing up some latent body image issues you haven’t dealt with? Many of us have them.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Hey Bitt. I tried to make it clear in my post that I am most definitely grateful and feel very blessed to be in my situation, and I am well aware that many people would love to be in my situation. I don’t think I am looking to be worried, but rather expressing my emotions – both the good and the bad. I think that is healthy.

I also don’t think I’ve been self-critical of my body, and I’m surprised to hear you say that. I think the weekly update posts are always a fun look at what is changing and what is to come.

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bitt Reply:

Fair enough. Maybe I was misinterpreting too much, but I noticed some other readers took it that way. It’s hard to tell sometimes, because to some of us, hyper-focusing on body parts is not healthy, but in your case it might feel fine.

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Ellie Reply:

I know for a fact I’d be at least mildly anxious and conflicted about my changing appearance if I were pregnant. So I find Emily’s posts really relatable and definitely not negative or privileged-sounding. It seems to me like more women than not struggle with some element of body image or their appearance and I do admire Emily’s honesty in discussing even these less-positive feelings with her readers! You’re right that not everyone “hyper-focuses” on their body but lots of people DO (though these posts don’t really demonstrate that to me at all) so that aspect does seem relatable to me as well.

Also, this isn’t so germane to the subject, but considering that the vast majority of people do have children at some point I’m not sure that someone is under an obligation to express only grateful and unambiguously positive thoughts about the experience. Of course it is incredibly wonderful to have a child, if you want to have a child, but while it is indeed a “blessing” it’s not exactly something that’s only open to the privileged.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Hey Ellie! I totally agree. I think that choosing to be honest about recognizing what I see as a few “flaws” is much more normal and healthy than pretending to have no body issues whatsoever. All women have them, some stronger than others, and I think it’s important to acknowledge.

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Melissa Strickland Reply:

I am a lurker, but had to come out of lurkdom to reply to this post. I am 29, almost 30 years old and 24 weeks pregnant with my third child in three years. When I got pregnant with my first daughter, I was sick much of the time and my weight ballooned due to preeclampsia during my pregnancy. I was under the impression that I was going to magically lose it all right after delivery, for some reason. Well, when I came home from the hospital, I remember standing in the bathroom looking at myself and crying. I never knew that my body was not going to be the same as it was pre-pregnancy. I really hadn’t given it much thought. But I had stretch marks and a droopy belly and huge breasts. Even after breastfeeding for 8 months, I still had about 13 pounds that wouldn’t come off. It didn’t take very long for me to get pregnat again with my son, and during that pregnancy I learned about clean eating and exercise. I gained about 40 pounds (I gained 70 with the previous pregnancy) and with my new found knowledge about diet and exercise, I lost it all and then some within 4 months of delivery. And you know what? I learned to love my body after I had my son. Right now, with this pregnancy, I am not worried because I know what to do to lose the weight. All of that aside, I tell people all the time that although I love motherhood, I am not a fan at all of pregnancy. That’s how I feel. I am grateful to carry children and grateful that I was able to conceive with no problems, but all of the things that go along with carrying a child…sometimes I wish I could have forgone them. I am glad that you were so honest in your post, and you should continue to do so. I wish that when I was pregnant with my daughter I would have evaluated myself more during the pregnancy…maybe I would not have been so stunned after coming home from the hospital with the changes that I chose to ignore for nine months. You are absolutely beautiful pregnant and you will be also after delivery. Our bodies change, our mentality changes, but these are the wonderful sacrifices that we make to have these dear little beings. Don’t worry about the naysayers, your honesty is what we appreciate. I don’t think you have a problem of the privileged, you are sincerely expressing your thoughts in a way that many of us can relate to. Keep on doing what you do, because you do it so well!!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Melissa – that makes me feel a lot better!

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Bonnie     at 11:11 pm

Thanks for this truly honest post, Emily…and I think it must be really normal. Many of our friends are pregnant right now (something’s in the water!) and I’ve asked them lots of questions about watching their body change and how they’ve reacted to it. I appreciate you writing your true thoughts regardless of what comments you might receive because I see that you are truly grateful to be pregnant and aren’t taking away from any of that by expressing your emotions and thoughts. I feel like I would be very similar if I were pregnant, and have often thought how I would respond to an increasing number and changes until I was “really showing” and feeling that “joy of pregnancy” many women speak of. One of my friends finally hit that stage where she’s loving being pregnant after feeling simply like people judged her for “gaining weight” (she didn’t want to put it out there and preemptively give reasons!) but it took her a while too.

Just wanted to say thanks for your vulnerability and transparency. I’m loving watching you both on this journey, and way to go Casey for affirming your beauty and who you really are. :D

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Michelle (The Runner's Plate)     at 12:50 am

This is one of my worries when I become pregnant!!

I, too, have worked hard to keep my body fit, and I know it is going to be hard when I have to see the number on the scale go up and my regular clothes won’t fit anymore.

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Meagan     at 2:46 am

You made me cry! I forgive you though. ;)
I’ve been going through a lot lately and I feel like I don’t completely have someone to talk to so it made me feel better knowing I am going through what you once went through with weight loss and even the fear of gaining more weight when or if I get pregnant. To keep a long story short, thank you. :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Sorry Meagan! You can always talk here. :)

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Sarah@The Flying ONION     at 7:29 am

Thank you for your honesty! This is one of the many things that I love most about you and your blog. :D

I know it’s easier said than done, but just remember that you’re creating a new and healthy life inside your body. Precious cargo. Precious weight. Weight to be *proud* of. And you have such a healthy mindset that it won’t be long for you to get your slender, strong body back.

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Karen     at 8:00 am

Great post! My two cents…I was not one of those, “Oh, I just love being pregnant” women. I hated being pregnant. I hated feeling like I was giving up my body. I hated feeling fat. I did not feel beautiful. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love my girls or I’m a bad mom. It just means I didn’t like being pregnant.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Karen – that makes me feel better! I don’t think it makes me a bad mom or ungrateful either, but sometimes I do feel that way. I actually DO like being pregnant, but some aspects are more difficult than others.

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Maria     at 8:12 am

I also struggled with the mental aspects of my body getting bigger. I was still working out even, but there was no where for baby to go but out (I’m 5-3) really. I should send you a photo of my torpedo belly. :)

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Whitney     at 8:13 am

Thank you for actually talking about weight and a scale. It seems that all the healthy living blogs are anti-weight/scale and it annoys me. :)

I know I will be the same way when I get pregnant and as selfish as it is, gaining the weight scares me to death!

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Emily Malone Reply:

I am actually a BIG fan of the scale!

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Liz     at 8:24 am

Great post! I am in my first trimester and have started thinking about what it will be like for my body to change in the near future…thanks for sharing; I think this is something I will struggle with at times too.

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Linda     at 8:28 am

I think it’s best to realize that every pregnancy is unique to each person that is pregnant. One thing for sure is that you will gain weight and your body will change and you will only have a handful of clothes (you’ll be sick of) that will fit. The benefit to all of this is the sweet baby boy that will arrive. The hardest part for me were the first few weeks after giving birth when you can still only fit into maternity pants, however, you are no longer pregnant. What I soon discovered is breastfeeding has taken all of the weight away. I walk now for exercise, however, the days of gym and yoga are on hold due to working full time and caring for a bayb but I wouldn’t change any of this. I’ve been fortunate that I am at a lower weight than I was prepregnancy due to breastfeeding. My body shape is still different though, and I’ve learned from other mom’s that everyone’s situation is unique to them. So hang in there….and focus on that baby and this amazing experience. You look absolutely beautiful and will love being a mom!!! Best of luck!!

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Sarah @ goingongoals     at 8:41 am

Hi Emily! Thank you for this post. I agree with a lot of your commenters that you are brave to get out there and say what is on many peoples mind. Hang in there! You will be a fantastic mom!

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Kristin (Cook, Bake, Nibble)     at 8:47 am

I have never been pregnant, but I can definitely see where you’re coming from! I’m positive when I am pregnant I will have some difficulties with the weight gain and you’re right- it isn’t something that is discussed. I think it’s so amazing how honest you are, sharing your feelings with us. You’re an inspiring breath of fresh air in a world that has made us believe everything about pregnancy is breezy and beautiful. Though most of it is, there are still struggles- and that’s the reality. You are SO lucky you have such an amazing husband to make you feel beautiful daily!

Thanks so much for sharing this.

xo

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Anne     at 8:59 am

I know you take long walks with the dogs and that you do a bit of weigths, but maybe pre-natal yoga would be a good idea ? I know you did some in the past… As long as it stays healthy of course, sports is a very good idea and will make you stronger and it will be easier to recuperate after the birth ? Take care !

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Emily Malone Reply:

I have been looking for yoga classes since we moved here! It’s hard when everything in a new city is new and unknown, but I’m hoping to find something and get started next week. I think it would be a great addition to my workouts!

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Melissa     at 9:20 am

I joke that I really wish I’d taken more pictures of myself in a bikini before I got pregnant with my son… things DO change, and although we have these unattainable post-baby body goals thanks to supermodels who are in a bikini three weeks after giving birth, I’d venture to say that most moms have some “reminders” of pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing. For me, even though I weigh the same/less than before I got pregnant five years ago, I have excess skin, loads of stretch marks, and on top of that, scars from an emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy two years after my son was born. Even though some days I bemoan my “battle scars” and droopy boobs, they are reminders to me that I nourished a life inside of me (and outside of me), and survived a near-death experience from the other pregnancy. I stand proud when I change in the locker room at the college I work at, even as 18-year-olds probably look at my belly in horror! :) What I’m saying is, we all have complex emotions when it comes to our bodies, pregnancy, and childbirth. I always say that my little guy is worth every stretch mark, every pound gained. I loved that you were very open about these emotions–they are very normal and I think it is probably really helpful for others to read they aren’t the only ones who struggle. It doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful… trust me, as a mom who has one beautiful healthy son after infertility and two miscarriages (including the ectopic), I am incredibly grateful for my son… but still sometimes wish I had my old belly and boobs! By the way, there used to be a beautiful website called “Shape of a Mother.” I’m not sure it still exists (i think I’ll go google it now), but it has beautiful, inspiring, REAL photos of women during and after pregnancy. I’m not sure if seeing these lovely photos will make things easier for you… but for me it is a comfort to see that other women have been shaped by pregnancy in similar ways and exude such beauty and grace.

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Emily Malone Reply:

How scary – I am so glad you are okay! Thanks for the support. :)

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Heather     at 9:34 am

I am a big fan and I too appreciate your honesty. I have also been a slave to the scale in the past. I got down to the lowest body weight and body fat % than I ever had and was proud of my accomplishment. What I didn’t realize came with that accomplishment is an ego. Not that I’m saying that I was full of myself or that you are either. What I’m saying is that we start to identify too much with having a certain body or certain weight and it can become an obsession of sorts. The reason I mention this is because you are still sooooo tiny! You’ve only gained 3 pounds! Why are you so hard on yourself? You look great! I think anyone who takes offense to your concerns about weight gain are probably in a situation that makes them sensitive to it because it’s like when your really skinny, fit friend complains that she’s got a big butt or something. It just sounds a little, ridiculous for lack of a better word. I think sometimes when you become super fit you forget that looking “normal” is OK and healthy too. Again I appreciate your honesty and don’t want to sound judgmental. I just have been in that place where I cared a little too much about appearances and thought I’d also share my experience. Thanks!

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Melissa Reply:

I have to say I agree with you completely, Heather. At first I thought….wait…hasn’t she only gained a couple of pounds? What did I miss?
I appreciate your honesty and I think Heather makes some really good points, not saying that they apply to you but it’s something to think about perhaps. Your blog is wonderful! (I was worried about leaving this comment but it was so obvious to me and when Heather said something I knew I had to agree with her)

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Sarah Reply:

I agree as well and do not mean it in a negative way. A big part of your life is writing about your healthy lifestyle and posting pictures of you living your healthy lifestyle, so your appearance is bound to become a very high priority for you. I work a desk job at a law firm and no one really notices or cares what I look like so I don’t place that much value on my looks. Every women experiences some difficulties when their body goes through something as intense as pregnancy, but I can imagine that is definitely magnified when you body is very important to you. Performers, athletes, actresses, and now bloggers all seem to fall into that camp.
I know that hearing other people tell you not to worry probably does not help, but you look beautiful!

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Emily Malone Reply:

I think it’s important to remember that I’m not just talking about weight in numbers, when you say “only three pounds.” Those three pounds sound insignificant, but keeping in mind that I lost 5 in the first trimester, I’ve actually watched 8 creep back on in the past few weeks. And outside of numbers, it’s actually much more about just changes in general – curves, soft spots, boobs – just a different body in general. I actually don’t place much value on my looks either, but more the confidence and self-esteem that comes from feeling strong and fit. I appreciate your feedback!

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Rita     at 9:40 am

Thank you for writing this post! I feel the exact same way, and it’s so hard to talk about without feeling like you’re saying I’m not excited to be pregnant, I’m not happy with this situation, even though those things couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’m 17 weeks pregnant and have been pretty ill for the majority of that time. It’s hard to see what amounts to less than 2 actual pounds equal an almost completely different body. In fact, when you posted your 19 week update, I was so happy that you mentioned your butt being different, because I thought AHA! I’m not the only one.
I think it took a lot to put this out there and I appreciate it so much. I know we’re at this in-between stage and things will get better, but it’s so great to relate to someone on such a personal level.

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Emily Malone Reply:

EXACTLY. It’s not that I’ve gained three measly pounds – it’s the COMPLETELY different body I have despite what sounds like a small amount of weight gained. And for a few weeks there, I truly thought the baby was growing in my butt rather than my bely. :)

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Tanica Reply:

haha, ditto!!! Why are my pants so tight on my butt!!?!?!

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Maryann     at 9:58 am

Emily,
All you have shared is good for everyone including myself who will turn 60 yikes on November 20. So hard to believe. You are doing a great job and your baby is flourishing inside you. You do what your body lets you and move on. Our bodies all change as we go through life and we do the best we can to stay healthy and fit. So much for you to look forward to it’s not even funny.
So keep going forward and look what’s ahead wow!

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MariaBu     at 9:59 am

Thank you for talking about this! This topic is often ignored because we feel embarrased to admit it. But it is perfectly fine to be somehow scared of the unknown. As a proud mom of 3 healthy and amazing kids, I can tell you that yes there are days you wished you had your pre-baby body but those feelings instantly fade away when you catch a glimpse of the amazing little miracles that you are blessed to have in your life. My husband calls my stretch marks my “battle wounds” and I think it is true! My amazing body was able to create life and nurture it and I would not change it for anything! :)

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Louise     at 10:02 am

I’m going through this right now. When I turned 30, I lost 45 pounds. I have managed to keep the weight off for the last three years. Now I’m twelve weeks pregnant and none of my pants fit (or most of my underwear). I have a doctor’s appointment today and I am so worried about weighing in. Once I stopped being queasy, it was really hard to say no to food. Also, carbs are the only foods that I truly enjoy right now. It is difficult.

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Emily Malone Reply:

If it makes you feel better, I’ve had to buy all new underwear too! :)

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Louise Reply:

It does. Thanks!

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Beth @ DiningAndDishing     at 10:03 am

Great post Emily! I admire your honesty. I once asked my mum if she felt beautiful when she was pregnant and she said, “No, I felt fat.” She is the most loving wonderful mum in the world and I know she’d do anything for her kids. So to hear her say something like that made me realize what a complicated thing pregnancy can be!

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Emily Malone Reply:

My mom has told me the same thing!

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fittingbackin     at 10:09 am

I’m glad you posted this. While I’m more scared of pregnancy for obvious reasons (i’m not ready; What if the baby isn’t healthy?; etc. etc. and the list goes on). but I am scared, nervous, anxious too about how it will impact my body and if I’ll be able to bounce back (or just come back!). I just know myself and am not ashamed to say that a lot of my confidence is tied up in how I feel, and I feel best when I’m active and in shape!

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Lindsay     at 10:11 am

Wow Emily what an honest and inspiring post! You are beautiful inside and out and that baby boy is lucky to have such a strong – physically and mentally- mother :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Lindsay!

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Danielle Sparavalo     at 10:24 am

Emily, I know you have A MILLION comments to read on here, but I just wanted to say “thank you.” I really look forward to reading your blog every day and this post is BY FAR one of my favorites. I am going through the same EXACT feelings you are. I was just starting to get back into shape and I got pregnant, although I have continued working out, it is just not the same. I am loving being pregnant, like you i am having a VERY hard time with the changes. After reading this I feel so much better. You truly are an inspiration!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Danielle! Trust me – I read them all. :) Congrats to you on your pregnancy!

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Danielle Sparavalo Reply:

I figured you did. :) Thank you so much. I am so glad I found your blog. It’s nice to read about someone going through the same things I am. Have a great day in Seattle!

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Abby     at 10:35 am

Even though I’m younger than you by a bit, I don’t think I’m ever going to have kids. That said, you sound like you’re more mature and ready to deal with the responsibilities of a child and are also honest with yourself about what’s freaking you out. One thing I often have a hard time dealing with are people who are really not emotionally or financially mature/prepared enough to have a kid, but it seems that you are in every way. You’ll make a great mom! Remember – your kid will FOREVER love you, especially because you are a killer chef :-)

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kristy     at 10:36 am

Great post. I’ve never been pregnant, but I just got married so I’m starting to really think about it. And while I know weight gain is normal and necessary, I also worry about it a little. I know that I don’t feel good about myself when I get “looser”, so I worry about how I’ll feel when I’m pregnant–and will definitely be loose! Thanks for writing this post; I think it shows everyone that these are normal concerns, but that, in the end, all that matters is that you and your baby are healthy, regardless of how much weight you gain!

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courtney robinson     at 10:45 am

Trust me I think most women feel this way especially those that were in shape before. I stayed sick through most of my pregnancy so running went out the window after the 6th week. I ended up gaining about 35lbs which of course I worried about especially since I am a dietitian but you have to remember that you are a woman with a baby growing inside of you and that is amazing. You will begin to love your growing body and the bond that only you can have with the little one in you. As I sit here typing this I have a beautiful 2 month old little boy in my lap and he makes EVERYTHING worth it!!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Awwww I want a baby boy in my lap!

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Kate @ NaturaStride     at 10:46 am

Beautiful post – thanks for sharing!! You are going to be a wonderful mother.

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Amber K     at 11:07 am

You are strong to be so honest Emily. I love that you are willing to put forth exactly how you are feeling, even if it will open you up to criticism. There is no right or wrong way to feel, however you feel is how you feel! You are beautiful, strong and an inspiration. Keep being as healthy as you can be :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Amber!

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Tori (Fresh Fruition)     at 11:39 am

Good for you for being so open and honest! It must be hard with your body growing and changing so much each day.

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Kristy R.     at 11:53 am

Thank you for posting this! I’m a new-ish reader and am 14 weeks pregnant. The last 24 hours have been one big temper tantrum for me with this same exact issue. I feel selfish getting upset about it because I feel so BLESSED to be pregnant and you’re right, if my baby needed me to, I would gain 200 pounds! It’s just that some days are simply harder than others. There are days at the gym when my body says stop and I get frustrated because I can no longer ignore those feelings and push through. Thanks for your honesty and keep the preggo posts coming!! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Congrats to YOU!

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Jamie     at 12:01 pm

I completely understand where you are coming from but you will bouce right back! You have hardly gained any weight with this pregnancy. I went home from the hospital 17 pounds lighter than when I went in. A lot of the additional weight came off through breast feeding and after 6 weeks, you can do more workouts! Don’t worry, but everyone does feel self conscious I think.

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angie     at 12:27 pm

I am 27 weeks pregnant and feel the same way! I was overweight as a child and lost the weight in high school, then gained some back in college, to then lose it again, so I feel your pain about seeing the scale creep up! At least it’s only for about 9 months! I can’t wait to have my baby and start training for another marathon!

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Tameika     at 12:46 pm

Emily,

I recently lost 130lbs and am currently in the best shape of my life. I still have a few more goals I would like to achieve, but overall I am happy with my body. This post was so beautifully written and spoke to me so directly. Although my husband and I are not currently TTC, we will be in the next 1-2 years. And the thought scares me. I am terrified of returning to a sedentary lifestyle, being unhealthy and being overweight. I like my body. I’m proud of the progress I have made and the thought that it could slowly be taken from me scares the hell out of me. Ok. Not taken from me, because like you I would gain 200lbs for a healthy child, but I’m still sacred. That’s why I so appreciate you being honest and open about some many facets of your pregnancy. I’m realizing my fears and watching you conquer some of yours. This is giving me strength and the mindset that not only can you do it, but that one day I can too. Thanks again for sharing. And keeping being healthy and content in the moment. All the best to you, Casey and little baby M too! :-)

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Emily Malone Reply:

Congrats on your amazing weight loss!

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Melanie     at 12:55 pm

You described exactly how I felt when I was pregnant. It was hard for me to lose my fitness that I worked so hard for. But now I have my beautiful 7 week old girl, and I’m starting to run again and feel more like my old self! So it will happen again for you, too.

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Erin @ Vie Balance     at 12:56 pm

I will admit that I shared many of your fears. Fitness and nutrition have always been passions of mine. I remember being slightly distressed at how I was gaining and the shape my body was taking during my pregnancy. You almost feel like you are doing something wrong because you are eating healthy and exercising but that number on the scale keeps going up and at times the numbers seemed to increase so rapidly (definitely not what you are used to seeing)! BUT you have to remember that you are creating this new person and fostering his nutritional needs as well as your own. Our bodies were designed to do this. It took me months to get comfortable with my body post-pregnancy (not as quickly as I had hoped) but with good nutrition and exercise (and couple that with breastfeeding) the weight does come off. I even weight less now (7 months post pregnancy) than I did before I got pregnant and I have made great progress with my abs as well. So I guess my long winded response is just a way to say keep being healthy and active and embrace your pregnant body (Believe it or not you will miss it at times after the baby is here!!). You will be able to get your body back afterwards – it will be different but than again everything in your life is different after you have a baby!

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Jen R. (emeraldsunshine.org)     at 1:01 pm

I cried every time I started to look fat. It takes me a very long time to work off any amount of weight – an unusually long time. After my son, I was twenty and it took me a year. After my daughter, I was twenty-two and it took me… Oh wait, it’s been almost five years. ;)

Even after training for an Olympic triathlon last year and losing 30 pounds, I was still 20 pounds shy of “normal” weight. This year I hope to lose 30 (I’ve put on ten since my triathlon) and finally be back to my pre-pregnancy weight… six years after my daughter was born.

…and just in time to get pregnant again. I hope you know that I’m going to bawl when I watch two years of work go down the drain. :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

I’m considering having babies back to back to back, partly to avoid the roller-coaster of weight gain and loss!

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Erin     at 1:17 pm

It is hard, I have heard it from so many women. Whether you gain 20 lbs of 60 lbs during pregnancy it is hard to watch your body change and to see the numbers on the scale going up. It was what I hated most about pregnancy. I felt terrible for feeling that way and knew I should be thankful for carrying a healthy baby and having a fairly easy pregnancy. ButI was not a cute, happy pregnant lady. I cried when I got dressed and looked in the mirror. I gained way too much weight and hated everything about how I looked. The best thing to do is to stay active and do what you can to feel good about how you look and to make it easier to bounce back post pregnancy.

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Jen     at 1:25 pm

Emily – I really appreciate this post and all of your honesty with your experiences with pregnancy.

I’m not sure that I should say this but I do think about the impact pregnancy will have on my body. As a very physically active and health-conscious person, I feel like I have a lot of control over my body. I know that when I am pregnant I will have to surrender that control. Honestly, it will probably be a positive experience for me to have to go through but it is a little scary to think bout.

Hope life is good in Seattle. I’m so happy for all of the good things in your life right now! :)

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Emily Malone Reply:

As a huge control freak myself, that has been my biggest challenge. Number one piece of advice to you (not that you need it) is to KEEP DOING YOGA! I am trying to get back into it now, and find it very overwhelming after such a long hiatus. I wish I had just been doing it from the beginning!

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Julie S.     at 1:28 pm

I had the same mental state as you when I was pregnant (having lost a lot of weight & wanting to keep it off forever). I didn’t end up gaining very much when I was pregnant, & I really don’t think you will either. My weight just fell off after the baby was born (breastfeeding helps & is also best for the baby – win win!). Please try not to worry about it too much. Really enjoy this time. You’re just at a hard stage right now where you feel more chubby than pregnant. That is about to change! :) Really, really enjoy – I am soooo confident that you will have your body back 100%. I was thinner & more toned after my baby than before. Good luck!

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Kc     at 2:24 pm

You may not be feeling all that terrific, but man your toes look great! :-)

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Sarah     at 3:52 pm

I’m so glad you wrote this. Of course I’m excited about the baby that is growing inside me, too, and sometimes I even feel beautiful…but sometimes (a lot of times) I struggle with the changes that are going with my body, outside of my control.
Good thing our husbands love us unconditionally, huh?:-)

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Kristin @ STUFT Mama     at 5:02 pm

Nice job putting it all out there. I have 1 1/2 year old twin boys and as a fitness instructor I struggled with the same issues. All I can say is enjoy the ride. Your body will change, but if you stay active you’ll be suprised how quickly the weight coems off. Hang in there. I know it’s an emotional journey, but it worth it when you see your little creation enter the world. :)

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Danica     at 5:34 pm

Emily you are seriously one of the CUTEST pregnant persons I’ve ever seen. As amazing as you look in your swim suit pic, just know you look just as amazing pregnant :)

I have no doubt it’s tough to go through the expanding change, but, I honestly have no doubt in my mind you will get everything back you had and more after the baby is born. You did it once, you can do it again!

xoxo,

Danica

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Beth     at 5:46 pm

Oh girl, I feel you – I have been having a heck of a time the last week or so. It is hard coming to terms with your body changing and the weight. I am just sad that my butt is getting bigger, our babies are worth it though…We need to look past it and not dwell on it for now and just realize that after baby is born we will be feeling better again and get back to where we started :)

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olivewineandfood     at 6:43 pm

i have always feared that when i get pregnant i will be a huge cow, even though i think pregnant women are beautiful. you are healthy and active, and your body is changing the way it is meant to, so that you can bring a happy healthy baby into this world! and i have no doubt in my mind that post pregnancy, you will be happy with your body in a different way.

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gas     at 8:55 am

My friend has 7 kids. She calls breast feeding her “fat hoover”. It’s true enough, everytime she gets BIG, delivers, and soon enough she looks like she always does.

TIRED and happy

Once he comes it will be nothing like you can imagine

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Jenny @ Love Eat Run     at 12:08 pm

I love this post and really admire you for putting it together. I’m nowhere near close to having a child but I still think about being pregnant and the changes to my body and get apprehensive about it all. I think that you look great and I’m happy that you are adjusting to and accepting the changes in your body! Just think of how worth it they are going to be!!

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Jillian     at 12:28 pm

This post is incredible. The first part completely describes what I went through while getting into shape, how I felt when each goal was met and how I promised myself not to go back to the way I was. Although I was never overweight by any means, I just let my body go by eating whatever I wanted and eventually decided I needed to tone up and get healthy.

My biggest fear about pregnancy is not the child that I will have to care for but what it will do to my body. As selfish as that may sound, you have put into words the feeling without making it sound selfish. This is the feeling that I am sure every mother has during her first few months of pregnancy and it feels good to know that someone out there can express it. I intend to have children down the road and I believe that if your body is important to you, you will find a way to get it back while enjoying every moment with your new miracle! :)

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Chloe     at 12:34 pm

This is the best post…. I love your honesty and wish I could tell someone that your words echo exactly why I am afraid to have a baby, without feeling judged. I know its incredibly selfish, but I cant seem to wrap my brain around it after the struggle I have endured for so many years, finally ended up on the good side of fitness, I’m so scared to go there. I know I will, or maybe I wont but its nice to know I’m not alone in feeling that way….thank you, the end.

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KindraC     at 1:09 pm

Thank you for writing this post. I am currently 12 weeks and feel so much the same way, but have not been able to articulate it properly in words. I would gain 100 lbs if I needed to for my bambino, but this “limbo” phase has been very tough to adjust to thus far! Its comforting to know that there are others out there struggling with the same thing.

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alli     at 2:12 pm

beautifully written. i felt the same things, as i’m sure most-if not all women have.
the thing about going into pregnancy fit and healthy- and continuing those during as well, is that you will bounce back much faster than had you not been as fit and healthy as you were. at least that was the case for me when i had my son 8 months ago.
i thought i would struggle with weight/appearance after i had him, but it was not an issue at all. life became all about him and no longer about me. of course, i still do my best at eating healthy and exercising, but not with the same “perfection” or being so anal about it as i was before i had him.
breastfeeding came easy for us, so it was nice to have that to help burn up some extra calories everyday and i was back down to pre-preg weight very quickly.
good luck and congrats. this is such a happy time!

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zoe (and the beatles)     at 2:33 pm

thank you for your honesty, emily. the changes brought on by pregnancy are something i know nothing about personally (outside of watching my mother and relatives go through the process) but, the idea of an expanding waistline from a little bun in the oven? i know that idea. i am no where near ready to have kids (i’m only 21) nor do i think i want them. and this is one of the reasons why. it kind of terrifies me. it takes a lot of selflessness to bring a person into this world. and i think you’ll find you’ll adjust well. as a lot of other people have said — once he’s out, you’ll be so crazy about your new little one not much else will matter. i’m sending you all my best and all the positivity i’ve got! good luck, emily. and thanks again for being so real.

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Morgan     at 3:45 pm

I just found your blog and really needed to hear this post! I’m 12.5 weeks pregnant and the changing body is really messing with my head. I suffered from anorexia in my teen years, and hear those same thoughts racing through my mind now that I’m pregnant. Of course I do my best to ignore them because I know what’s best for me and this baby, but dealing with weight gain (especially early on in pregnancy when you don’t really “look” pregnant yet) has been really hard on me. I plan to follow along with you on your pregnancy journey!

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Amykinz @ Foodie4Healing     at 4:26 pm

Once again, I love & commend you for your honest/transparency/realness/authenticiy. Know that you are NOT alone in your feelings about your new pregnant body. I’m 32 weeks now & I’ve gained (-3) lbs this pregnancy (I gained 20 w/my first). I haven’t been this thin since high school (I mean in my face, arms, legs, etc), 12 years ago! Yet, yesterday I just said to my husband, “I feel huge. Not just my belly. I feel thick through the ribcage.” How demented is that?! I’ve struggled w/an eating disorder, self body image issues, etc for the past 12 years. While I’ve been on the a healthy lifestyle path for the past year, that 12 years of me is still inside in small traces and rears its ugly head at times. I just have to focus on being healthy & that seems to make the thoughts go away. Anyway, just wanted to share that you are NOT alone. It’s completely normal. And for what it’s worth… YOU.ARE.GORGEOUS! Hugs, friend!

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Tracy     at 11:16 pm

Emily, I know exactly how you feel! The thing that saved me was the challenge of getting my old body back!!! I kept the thought in the back of my head that I was “excited” to work hard and get back to my normal weight. My little guy is now 10 months, and I have been at my normal weight since he was 4 months! I even signed up for a half while I was pregnant as part of my motivation! You can do this and you will love being a mom!!! :)

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Amanda @ The Beauty Notebooks     at 12:13 am

You are beautiful! Baby Garnish will have such an inspiring mom to look up to.

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Lindsey     at 9:54 am

Emily! Your post moved me to tears. I am not in the same place in life in that I am pregnant or expecting to be anytime soon, however, I am 31 and struggled with working so hard to get my body to where I “want” it to be. Unfortunately I surpassed that point unintentionally and am now dealing with an ED. What’s interesting though is the one thought that gets me through each day is that I want to be a mom in the near future and I know that until I am healthy, I cannot do that. I continuously counteract every unhealthy thought I have (including, “i will never look like this again”), with “i want to be a strong and healthy mom” and the ONE thing I am always sure of is that I do not want to pass this disease on to my children. I truly am inspired by your honesty and appreciation for your body and your little upcoming addition and I want you to know that I try and channel that each and every day, even without being pregnant!! Thank you for being so honest and open about the journey, especially with this post! You are a beautiful and strong and you will make a great mother. I can already see it… and being 31 ain’t so bad so you have plenty to look forward to :)

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radhi     at 12:19 am

thanks for sharing your thoughts! i worry about this one day soon too, but i’m certain all your hard work & healthy habits are not in vain! thanks for being open and for all your amazing & genuine posts. you make me so excited to start a family one day very soon!

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Tricia     at 10:06 pm

Wow – i feel like I could have written this post myself a few years ago. I had a melt down in the dr’s office while pregnant with my first and from then on, they refused to weigh me there anymore. Much like you, I had some not so healthy days in college and then got healthy and fit before I met my husband. So getting pregnant was SUCH a confusing time. But you’ll get thru it and you’ll get back to normal. It just takes time. I gained SIXTY pounds with my first and lost it all PLUS some to become the fittest I had ever been. And then I did it again! My youngest turns 2 on Friday and I was just thinking about how far my body has come in the last 5 years. I’m 32, so you can totally do this too! You look great, btw! Keep up the great posts!! : )

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Mile Posts by Dorothy Beal     at 8:16 pm

I’m super late to this post – BUT I wanted to tell you that I too was worried post baby #2 and even baby #3 that I would not go back to being me….but what happened instead is that I have a body now that I like better than my pre-baby body, my post baby #1 body and my post baby #2 body….maybe it’s ‘growing up’ and maturing – I don’t know….but I bet you will love your post baby body even more!

p.s. fantastic pic :)

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When to Start Wearing Maternity Clothes | Being Pregnant     at 2:25 pm

[...] written before about how it has been a slow adjustment to learn how to love my new pregnant body.  Pregnancy has been such a blessing, and something I have wanted for so long.  But that also [...]

Emma     at 11:38 pm

I felt the same way too – I worked for years to get to a fitness/weight level I was happy with, then I got pregnant.
I was happy, but honestly I kept thinking/ hoping I couldn’t get any bigger. It’s the last few months that kill you, all the fluid retention.
I ended up gaining a total of 50 pounds before delivery!!!!!! I was rather horrified.
BUT, I am her to tell you that only six months later (with the most beautiful baby boy in tow), thanks to breastfeeding and gentle walking I have lost all but 10 of those pounds gained.
At first I felt like I was gonna be fat forever but it DOES come off with a healthy lifestyle, no dieting or calorie counting required.
All I can say (in hindsight), is trust the process. Nature is infinitely smarter and more intuitive than us.
Love.

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http://uhowtoget.com/how-to-get-a-six-pack-a-guide-to-get-a-six-pack     at 8:07 am

So, is this just for men, just for females, or is it for both sexes If it s not, then do females need to do anything different to put on muscle

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Sarah     at 1:44 am

Hi Emily!

I’m just revisiting this post. I remember reading it when you first published and I must admit I found it hard to understand your perspective. But now that I am 10 weeks pregnant myself and dealing with my changing body and massively reduced exercise programme I can totally relate. Right now I just feel flabby and disgusting, and that I look like I’ve eaten too many doughnuts rather than pregnant. I just don’t know what to do with myself, especially since you’re not supposed to diet and the exercises that you can do are limited. Any tips? Thanks so much for writing this post xoxo

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Emily Malone Reply:

Congrats Sarah! It gets much better once your belly grows a bit and you start to actually look and feel pregnant. Hang in there. Maternity clothes also make a big difference. I waited way too long to start wearing them!

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Sarah Reply:

Thanks Emily! Hope time starts going by a bit quicker; the first trimester has taken forever! :)

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Todd     at 1:09 pm

Hi Emily, I know that I shouldn’t be commenting on your site because this pregnancy thing is women’s business.However,I hope you won’t mind if I put my two cents in.First off,let me say this.While that photo of you in your two-piece bikini is nice,I’d much rather see you at fullterm in a two-piece bikini!!!!!To me there’s nothing on this planet that’s more appealing and pleasing to look at than the pregnant form!!!Please forgive me if you’ve found anything I said embarrassing and/or offensive.

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yeast infection in mouth symptoms     at 9:51 am

My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different website and thought I might as well check things
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Look forward to looking into your web page for a second time.

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