about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    EmilyBMalone@gmail.com

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    A Look Back.



The Guilt of Pregnancy.

One of the things most commonly associated with pregnancy, along with cravings, morning sickness, and the growing belly – is the roller coaster of emotions that pregnancy brings.  I was expecting to become more emotional and a little more weepy (both of which have happened), but I have also been surprised by some of the other emotions I have experienced in the past four months. 

I expected to feel overly emotional – crying at commercials, sobbing through birth stories, and tearing up often for no reason (check, check, check!).  I was also prepared to feel a little more irritable and more easily annoyed.  Considering we’ve also thrown a cross-country move into the mix, I’ve done my best to keep my cool.

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But there have been other emotions heightened by pregnancy that I wasn’t really expecting.  Things like intense fear and worry, overwhelming gratitude, and perhaps most surprisingly – guilt.

I have found that my pregnancy guilt has come mostly in two forms…

1. Guilt that I was able to get pregnant.

I have shared my journey to getting pregnant here before, so you already know that it wasn’t a walk in the park for me.  But even so, I can’t help but feel guilty that despite my year-long wait, I never had to resort to fertility treatments, artificial hormones, and all of the emotional strain that comes with the struggle.  For whatever reason, my body seemed to simply find it’s way back to it’s natural cycle.

Prior to getting pregnant, I shared my struggles with a few close friends, some of whom were struggling with similar issues.  When the time came to share my news, I felt uncomfortable and guilty telling them that my story would soon have a happy ending.  Everyone I told reacted with nothing but love and support for me and Casey.  But just as I had feared, I also felt some people start to pull away. 

I can’t say that I blame them.  I know how hard it was for me to hear of other’s pregnancies while I was still having 60+ day cycles with no end or solution in sight.  I felt the same way – jealous, angry, and resentful.  But having struggled myself, and knowing how deeply it hurt to learn of each new pregnancy that wasn’t mine, it made me sick with guilt to think I was causing that feeling in others.

I don’t think there is any way to avoid these feelings on either side.  But because getting pregnant was not easy for me, I try very hard to be sensitive to others and not assume anything about anyone’s fertility or plans.  I never ask couples if they plan to have kids, because I remember how tough that question was for me.  And I never ask friends with fertility struggles how their treatments are going – when they are ready to talk, they know I am there to either celebrate or cry together.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to grow a life inside of me.  And to be honest, I am thankful for the year-long wait and worries that I endured, as it has made me realize that pregnancy truly is a miracle not to be taken for granted.  And for those reasons, I struggle with the other side of guilt…

2. Guilt that my pregnancy is far from perfect.

As someone who builds her life and career around fitness, nutrition, and health, I have always thought that I would be my most healthy self while pregnant.  I quickly learned that it is one thing to read/talk/learn about pregnancy, and it is an entirely different thing to physically experience it.

The first two weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I tracked my protein intake, gobbled down greens, and ran on the treadmill.

And then the sickness hit, and left me feeling humbled and helpless.  It turns out I was not quite the superhero pregnant woman I thought I would be – instead I was throwing up every few hours, keeping down around 500 calories a day (all bagels), and exercise involved moving from the bedroom to the bathroom. 

Even now that I am feeling better, I have found that my body is entirely new, and can’t do all the things I had hoped it would do through pregnancy.  I’ve had to readjust my expectations for exercise, and come to terms with the fact that my appetite is much more limited than it used to be.

Even though I know that this is all normal, I still feel guilty.  Guilty for not running, when I know others have run through their entire pregnancies (and that many had high expectations for me to do the same).  Guilty for not eating salads and greens, when I know how good they are for me and for the baby.  Guilty for not being able to offer my baby the perfect environment, after being so blessed to finally be able to conceive. 

So what does one do with all this guilt?  I am considering it to be one of my first lessons in parenting.  For as much as I wanted my pregnancy to be perfect, it isn’t.  And looking back, it was silly for me to ever think that it would be, as I am by no means perfect myself.

Pregnancy isn’t perfect, and parenting won’t be perfect.  I am going to question my decisions.  I am going to feel like I have failed at times.  I am going to make mistakes.

With all of the additional emotions (that I imagine will) come with parenting, I don’t need to continue to bog myself down with unnecessary guilt.  There is no reason to feel bad that I was able to get pregnant.  Instead, I will continue to simply feel forever grateful for the gift inside of me.  And I’m going to stop worrying about what I should be doing, and focus instead on what feels right.

I wished for so long to be pregnant and now that it’s finally here, I’m going to do my best to relax and enjoy it, ignore the guilt, and cherish the experience.

Calling Cincinnati friends/readers/bloggers!  If anyone is interested in getting together for some frozen yogurt on Saturday afternoon – send me an email – emilybmalone @ gmail.com

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112 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Lisa     at 12:55 pm

That makes a lot of sense. I want to get married and have kids but it’s taking longer than I’d hoped it would. It’s hard not to feel jealous and resentful of friends and family that are doing those things while I still wait. But I’d never pull away from them because they have something I don’t have. That’s just not cool!

Hope your friends come around eventually.

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Laine     at 12:55 pm

“You want to cry aloud for your mistakes. But to tell the truth the world doesn’t need any more of that sound.” ~ Mary Oliver

Forgive yourself. For everything. And then forgive yourself some more.

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hippierunner     at 12:55 pm

Thank you for being so real and sharing this. I hope you know all your readers think you’re awesome and we know you’re doing what you can!

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Lena Reply:

I second that!

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Katy @ MonsterProof     at 12:57 pm

I definitely understand where you’re coming from. In particular, I feel guilt because this pregnancy was unplanned. We’re married, and in a stable situation, so it’s not BAD, it just wasn’t on our “to do” list. I feel terribly guilty knowing how hard some people try, when it really just fell in our lap. Particularly, I feel awful when I have feelings of wishing it hadn’t happened when it did b/c it wasn’t part of my “plan” knowing that others would happily take my place in a second!

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claire Gallam     at 12:57 pm

All of those feelings are normal and show that you are a good, caring person. But we always set out with the best intentions, like, I will work out 6 days a week, drink less, stop eating fried food, and something always happens that gets in our way. All we can do is try to be the best us while life is throwing us a loop, or in this case, a baby!

Nothing will be perfect, you just have to try to do it the best that you can! You are an incredible inspiration and I just LOVE your blog!

Oh and PS, we are moving into Old Town and I feel the same way about it you do!

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Kim K.     at 1:00 pm

The number one thing I tell myself everyday, about all kinds of things, is to get rid of “I should” statements. I understand your guilt but you did nothing wrong. Hell, I’m planning my wedding right now and when the tsunami hit in Japan I literally told my fiance I wanted to elope, cancel the wedding, get our money back, and send it all to Japan because I felt so awful. But life doesn’t work that way. You need to be happy and proud of your successes and not prescribe yourself an unattainable, flawless life. It’s hard, I know, I’m totally guilty too. But you’re doing a good job and you *deserve* all the happiness and joy in life.

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Jenna (Hello, I Love You)     at 1:00 pm

Emily this is such a great, honest post. It took me a a year and a half to get pregnant (very similar story to yours) and I am right there with you with just being thankful that I am pregnant now. Every time I was sick in the beginning, I kept reminding myself how lucky I was to even be pregnant at all. But it is hard to not feel guilty for not having to struggle through fertility treatments like many do. I love how you have transformed that guilt into gratitude though. You are going to be a great mother! :)

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Marci     at 1:01 pm

Let me say on the other side, the one in the early weeks of TTC with the majority of friends happily pregnant, that I don’t want to make a pregnant person feel guilt. I am happy for them, I can’t wait to shower them with gifts and smiles and offer them a respite so they can take a shower, but it would be nice if there was something else to talk about. All conversation has stopped with asking about me, it’s all about them. That’s the annoying part that makes me pull away and makes me feel like I’m missing out and will always be behind them.
And I really hate the “are you ready to have kids” questions. It’s just too personal for people to ask in my opinion.
You must know that you are in the group of moms who care for their bodies best in pregnancy. You can’t do anything about the appetite but wait it out and do your best.
And when you think about the guilt, remember all the good you’re doing by sharing your stories and educating us all,and bringing in new life. You can be sad or empathize for others, but it’s not your fault.

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Ginna     at 1:02 pm

This just shows how human you are Emily! And I think because of how long it took you guys, it obviously makes you appreciate pregnancy that much more, where alot of women take it for granted. This gratitude will also make you a better mother!

And as a side note I think you’d be surprised how many of your friends going through fertility treatments WANT to talk about it. You definitely have more empathy for them and I am sure they would love an outlet.

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Katie @ Nourishing Flourishing     at 1:02 pm

What a great post. I think this is going to help women on both side of the fence — I so appreciate your transparency and reflections Emily!

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Katie KS     at 1:03 pm

Amen! I had to also give up the guilt over letting my toddler watch more tv than I would have liked. In the first trimester I had ZERO energy after an 8-hour work day to chase her around and have constructive playtime. And I don’t even remember how/what exactly I fed her … but she ate something and we’re all ok! Not perfect … but ok!

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stacey (the home-cooked vegan)     at 1:04 pm

I have a friend that also had a very hard time getting pregnant, and she hated it when people would ask her when she was going to have kids! You never know what someone else might be going through…I think it’s great that you are realizing that there are some that you aren’t able to do, and it’s also great not to feel guilty about those things.
All you can do is be the best you can right now, and I think you are achieving that :) Great post, Emily!

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Lisa Reply:

It’s a really insulting question and I feel your friend who is having difficulties!!! I know kind of how it feels…My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years, we love each other, some day we will get married but it hasn’t happened yet…yet I am asked almost weekly by friends/family/coworkers/complete STRANGERS “when are you getting married?” It’s the most insulting thing and one of these days I’ll point it out to some unfortunate soul that asked. :)

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stacey (the home-cooked vegan) Reply:

She ended up getting pregnant and then told everyone that it hurt her feelings. She now has a healthy baby boy that is about to turn 1 :)
I know what you mean! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and EVERYone is asking when we are getting married. One of my “friends” even went as far to say that we aren’t “seriously committed” unless we get married within the next year!! Oh and to add on to that- his grandmother begs me to give her twin boys every time I see her. Nevermind the fact that twins do not run in either one of our families!
I agree- it’s very insulting :) You should get married when it’s right for both of you not everyone else!

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Lisa Reply:

Congrats to your friend!

It’s so rude to ask people those questions, yet everyone does! 2 weeks ago we were at a party and a complete stranger asked me why we weren’t married yet. I was SOOO tempted to say, “Really? You’re judging my relationship when you don’t know us, and this is the first time you’ve met me? That’s classy.” UGH!

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Meagan     at 1:06 pm

Your last sentence says it all. Thanks for your great perspective Emily :)

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Julie @SavvyEats     at 1:06 pm

It may seem odd, but this post made me feel better about my hypothyroidism. When my thyroid is out of whack (like it is right now), I can’t stomach a lot of things I would usually enjoy and know are good for me, like greens and lots of the lean proteins. This is incredibly frustrating, especially when I’m trying to lose weight.

Your pregnancy experience is helping me realize that I need to accept my messed up appetite when my thyroid is acting up, and focus on the fruits, vegetables and lean proteins that I CAN stomach. I know I’ll eventually be back on track with my thyroid treatment and will enjoy all the others again!

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Liv @ The Salty n' Sweet     at 1:08 pm

Guilt is totally natural, but I’m sure it’s a hard feeling to deal with. But everyone is different, every pregnancy is different, so the only thing you can be is blessed with the opportunity to be a mother :) No matter what happens, you’ll have a beautiful baby at the end of the journey, and the people who care about you will always be there for you!

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Madelyn     at 1:09 pm

I can relate to the guilt, but on a completely different level, concerning marriage and how my lovely lady friends of mine haven’t found the same blessings I have. But of course, that’s slightly more trivial than human life. No one deserves this happiness more than you, especially after the long road it took you to get here. You just have to remind yourself that there’s nothing *you* can do about how people react/feel to your blessings, and I think you’re being very sensitive and conscientious in a way that many people wouldn’t be. And I agree, sit back, relax, eat what you can enjoy and tolerate for you and Baby G. Definitely laugh because I’m sure that will be G’s favorite sound in the whole world, next to your voice :P I hope this didn’t sound too preachy. HUGS!!!

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Kristina     at 1:10 pm

Very admirable – it’s always hard to let go of feeling guilty about things you can’t control, but the first step is realizing that you can’t control it and shouldn’t feel guilty :)

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Erica     at 1:13 pm

I also struggled with a little mom guilt (and blogged about it). Just think, all of that guilt is because we love our unborn babies so much already. Just imagine when they are born!! Ahh!

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Sarena (The Non-Dairy Queen)     at 1:14 pm

I love your honesty! YES! This guilt you feel now totally sets you up for the long list of things you will feel guilty about with your kids! I am extremely close and honest with my kids. Which makes it really hard when I have to teach them a life lesson. UGH, it breaks my heart when I have to take something away from them when they don’t do what they’re asked to do. It frustrating, overwhelming and makes me feel horrible. However, I think it’s important to be prepared for these emotions. Don’t feel guilty because you got pregnant. I have been on both sides of that too. I lost a baby at 13 weeks while everyone else around me was pregnant. Not only did I watch them all have healthy pregnancy, but then they all had healthy babies. I also had a friend that did so many rounds of in vitro, I lost count. She has still never had a baby. I think she found comfort with me in the fact that I miscarried twice and she could relate. Then I finally got pregnant and I kept it. It was heart breaking to tell her and we lost touch shortly after that. It is hard, but you should be happy that you have a healthy baby growing inside you. You deserve that just as much as anyone else! Oh and don’t worry about the food…good grief, the little one is taking every bit of the good stuff from you! Little baby G is growing healthy and happy inside of you!

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sheila I     at 1:14 pm

Unfortuntaley, the guilt gets worse once you have them!

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Maria     at 1:14 pm

I loved reading this post. I think guilt when something great is going on your life and others around you are struggling with the same sort of thing is natural. I went through this with a friend. She broke off an engagement around the same time I was just starting to plan a wedding. That put a big strain on our friendship. The people who truly care about you will put on their happy face and be happy for you, even if they’re sad it’s not them. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, I’m really enjoying these posts.

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sally mae     at 1:14 pm

Right on lady! You are speaking my language:) When I first found out I swore I wouldn’t eat any sweets during my pregnancy…yea that lasted about 3 days! I feel myself giving into the majority of my food cravings and loving it! No guilt…I’m not going to eat perfectly all of the time – just do the best that I can!

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Liz     at 1:22 pm

Such an open and honest post! I also have images of being superwoman during pregnancy (which is not going to happen any time soon) and figure I’ll probably be pretty humbled when it comes down to it.

In terms of the guilt, first – it’s normal and I think it’s great that you are accepting your feelings and letting them pass through you. I was recently talking with a woman and she said it’s better to operate out of “gratitude, not guilt” because when our hearts are open and loving, we can accomplish more and be more present. Obviously, you don’t need any more “should” statements – and again, I think feelings are feelings and we have to face them head on. But maybe sometimes when you’re feeling guilty, you can think of the phrase “gratitude not guilt” and see if anything opens up for you!

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Jill     at 1:25 pm

Emily, Thank you for voicing some of the very same sentiments that I am feeling. I am 15 weeks pregnant with my fourth, so I am not exactly where you are now, but it took us a year to conceive our first. I have felt a lot of guilt because this pregancy was unplanned, coming 7 years after his/her closest sibling, and I have had several friends lose babies to miscarriage in the last year as well as a very good friend who has decided, after multiple IVF treatments, to stop trying.

Why have I been blessed in this way? And yet, I take this responsibility very seriously. I will do my best to be as healthy as I can be during my pregnancy and I will do my best, when this baby is born, to raise a happy and healthy child. I will make mistakes, as I have with my other three kids, but we don’t learn and grown unless we make mistakes.

I look forward to following your progress, I loved how you used fruit to equate the size of the baby. I have used your examples to help my kids understand what is going on inside of me.

Good Luck on your move out west.

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Michelle (your girlfriend for fitness)     at 1:28 pm

First I would like to say congratulations. It is easy to take for granted how much of a blessing just being able to get pregnant is. My first pregnancy actually came by surprised so I didn’t have to go through those emotions. But now, even though we are not actively trying, we are not trying to prevent it either. I have not been on BC for over 2 years now and have not gotten pregnant. I am starting to wonder if I will even be able to when the time comes to actively try. This is even more troubling to me to think about because I just hit 30 and know it only gets harder as you get older. Now I really cherish what a blessing it is to actually become pregnant even more so. Good luck to you in your pregnancy and the move!

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Tami     at 1:38 pm

you are 100% right that its’ all just preparation for when the baby gets here!

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Jo @ Jo In the Kitchen     at 1:39 pm

I think your take on things is spot on! The time will seriously fly by, so enjoy everything you can.

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Callie     at 1:43 pm

I found myself nodding in agreement the entire time I read this post. I can completely relate on all fronts! Our journey to getting pregnant was even much easier than you. We decided we wanted to start trying, I stopped taking birth control and BAM! We got pregnant that month. One of my very best friends and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for six years. They had experienced two failed infertility treatments and were in the middle of their third. I found on Friday I was pregnant – they were to find out the following Tuesday if their latest attempt had succeeded. I remember feeling SO guilty that I had gotten pregnant so quickly and I spent the entire weekend praying my heart out that they would get good news on Tuesday. Guess what – they did!!! I cried when I heard their news and then waited a few days before telling them we were pregnant too. I didn’t want to steal her spotlight! But she was thrilled for us. We went through pregnancy together – she was due just a week after me. She actually already had her babies (twins!) and I’m excited to be doing this baby raising thing together! But I still feel guilty when I hear about people who have been trying to get pregnant…it was just so easy for us and I know that’s not always the case.

As to the perfect pregnancy – I can totally relate here too. I ran a 10k the day after I found out I was pregnant. I remember reading about bloggers who worked out through their entire pregnancies. I thought that would be. Then the first trimester hit. I felt like a truck at hit me. There was no way I could work out – I was just trying to survive! Then I started having joint issues and other pains…working out was out of the question. I was so bummed. (Still am sometimes). And I totally relate on the eating thing too. I lived on plain bagels with cream cheese those first few months. Even now that my sickness has gone away, I am always second guessing my eating choices. Just the other day I was talking to some friends about the dangers of hormones in meat. I started worrying that since I started eating meat when I got pregnant (and had not been careful about where the meat came from) that somehow those hormones would harm the baby. Talk about guilt! But you’re right. I think this guilt is just preparing us for parenthood. We’ll never be perfect parents – just like we aren’t perfect pregnant people. All we can do is love our little one to the best of our ability. As you said…cherish the experience!

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Jessica     at 1:44 pm

i CANNOT thank you enough for this post. I almost cried reading it, it so resonated with me. I am 16 weeks with my first also and I had almost the exact same situation you did. 60+ day cycles and then after a long while and a lot of commiserating with others, I was pregnant. And I felt so guilty and undeserving. Also, I miss running so much, I see people out running and I’m jealous (that’s new). But when I try my heart rate jumps up too high and my bladder gets impatient after 5 minutes. Finally, though I want to eat less sugar and carbs, I fail every day. I can’t believe this maternal guilt starts so early! I suppose all we can do is remind ourselves that we’re learning as we go, do what feels right as you say, and try to hang on to that gratitude. Good luck and thank you.

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alison     at 1:45 pm

Oh man, mommy guilt is something else. Wait until your baby is born! There is always something. Did I do enough? Did I butt in too much? Am I pushing too hard? Do I expect too much? Do I demand too little? Is it something I did? Is she too involved? Or not involved enough? Should she take music lessons?

Guilt is something every mom deals with. We can only do our best. And that is exactly what you’re doing. Sometimes we can be Supermom and sometimes we have to go into survival mode.

I have a friend, who is the same age as me, but is having a terrible time conceiving. Even though my baby is 9, and I had her long before my friend even got married, I still feel guilty that my ovaries work and hers don’t.

On the bright side, all these emotions show that you care. And that’s a really good thing. You’re going to be a wonderful mom.

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Laura     at 1:45 pm

I appreciate that you share all of this in your blog. I’ve never been pregnant but I’d like to be someday. It’s all a mystery to me and it is great to hear all the aspects from someone going through it. These guilty emotions must be awful but you seem to have found the right mindset to combat them. You can’t help your feelings but you can always keep them in perspective as they try to grey over your joy.

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Rachel     at 1:53 pm

Thanks for this post. As someone who went through infertility treatments to finally get pregnant, I still have the same guilty thoughts as you. Although it wasn’t easy for us, at least we didn’t have to go the IVF route. I am so thankfully to be pregnant. I also believe this will make me an even better parent.

I wanted to ask you about your anxiety issues. I know you mentioned before that you were very anxious at first worrying about miscarriage, health issues, etc. I am finding myself to be incredibly worrisome and anxious right now. I’m only 5 weeks and a lot can still change. How did you relax?

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TanyaS     at 1:54 pm

As Sheila I said, it gets nothing but worse. I silently snicker at friends with younger ones that are still living the ideals about foods that will never be consumed, television that will never be watched, attitudes that will never belong to “MY” child. the list goes on.

You learn to choose your battles. The life of a mother, especially a working one, is so filled with guilt, that to live with any amount of sanity it needs to be give and take – both on ideals set before/during pregnancy for how your child will be raised and how you will regain your own sense of self.

My 3rd child is 11.5 months and I am just now regaining a sense of having my body back and developing my new self.

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Penelope     at 2:00 pm

“But because getting pregnant was not easy for me, I try very hard to be sensitive to others and not assume anything about anyone’s fertility or plans. I never ask couples if they plan to have kids, because I remember how tough that question was for me. And I never ask friends with fertility struggles how their treatments are going – when they are ready to talk, they know I am there to either celebrate or cry together.”

Thank you for this. People like you make the struggle so much easier. It means a lot that you said that.

I will be honest, I took your blog off my RSS feed for awhile because it hurt so much to read the pregnancy updates. We are on a long road of fertility struggles and it’s really hard for me to be happy right now for people who have what I want so badly. That you are sensitive to and recognizant of this means more than you know. Thanks Emily. :)

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Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun     at 2:05 pm

Get used to the guilt. Mommy guilt is a whole new level and it always finds a way to creep in. Being aware of it and remember you do your best is what matters most. And you are doing an amazing job!

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chelsey @ clean eating chelsey     at 2:10 pm

This was such a great post. I have to be honest that whenever I see anyone getting pregnant (even though we’re not trying) I get a twinge of jealousy because I know right now I’ll be taking fertility drugs and it’s tough to bear. I am os happy for you though and for my family many of which are pregnant – i just remind myself that everyone is different and a new life is precious no matter what! Don’t feel guilty for your blessing EVER!

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Angie @ Musings of a Violet Monkey     at 2:11 pm

This was an amazing post, Emily. I loved getting to see this side of you.

It’s easy for me to sit here and say “Please don’t feel guilty”… But really, don’t.
Especially don’t feel guilty that you “aren’t” doing this as people expect you to. Life rarely goes the way we plan, right? I have NOT had one negative thought about the way you are eating/exercising/not exercising, etc through this pregnancy! (and I’m usually pretty judgmental when it comes to stuff like that! ;) But pregnancy has no rules. Not even for healthy bloggers!).

And as someone said earlier… anyone who is truly your friend and cares for you, will be happy for you. Not pull away from you. I’ve had that happen over something much more trivial (men!), with two very good friends over the past 10 years or so.

I think you’re doing a fantastic job already, Mama!

~

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Candy (Healthy In Candy Land)     at 2:11 pm

Good for you, Emily! You are absolutely right, the feelings of guilt carry on into parenthood, big time, but as long as you know you are doing the best you can, that has to be good enough. Pregnancy is such a short time in the grand scheme of things–enjoy it and savor it as much as you can, guilt free, and don’t worry about it not being “perfect”.

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Holly     at 2:12 pm

Such an amazing post! Thank you for posting your honest feelings…Everyone can learn from you and benefit from your insight. You sound like a wonderful person & I wish you the best :)

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Jen     at 2:20 pm

I love you!

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Brittney Reply:

:)

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Christina     at 2:22 pm

It’s crazy how we can put so much pressure to be perfect at all times but we can’t! You’re right, it won’t be perfect BUT you’ll do the best you can and you’ll raise a beautiful baby boy garnish :) Trust your instincts and you’ll be fine.

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R @ Learning As I Chop     at 2:33 pm

Amen. To all of it

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MariBeth     at 2:34 pm

“It is quite gratifying to feel guilty if you haven’t done anything wrong: how noble!” ~Hannah Arendt

Seize this day, Emily. While I completely understand your guilt, just let it go. You have done nothing wrong! In fact, you’ve done the complete opposite: You’ve created and cared for a little life.

You are experiencing something miraculous right now. Embrace the fact that nothing … NOTHING … is perfect. While many of your readers look up to you, the fact that you are so real is part of your charm. Thanks for being fabulous!

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Freya     at 2:37 pm

This is such an interesting post. Guilt isn’t something I would’ve immediately thought of when you think pregnancy but now you’ve said it, I 100% understand [even though I'm not pregnant!]. I can literally picture feeling the exact same way, if I were in your shoes.
But you have NO reason to feel guilty – there will always be people who have struggled more than you (or anyone), but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have a healthy baby any less than them. You wouldn’t say to your average Western Joe ‘ you can’t say you’re hungry because there are people actually starving to death in the world’, you know? It’s all relative.

I think you’re coping with the pregnancy so well, and I admire you so much for accepting what you can and can’t do.
Keep being awesome Emily, and thank you for such a good honest post!

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Gabriella @ embracement     at 2:39 pm

Your posts are so open and wonderfully honest. I’m not even married yet but suffering from very irregular hormones and no normal period since I was 15/16 has me already thinking about the future and seeing specialists to find out what the issue is. Of course I wonder why I’m this way when others get pregnant without even trying, but i never blame others cause I wouldn’t want them to have a struggle. Guilt is natural, but you’re doing a great job with your pregnancy!

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Natalie Rae     at 2:51 pm

Great post!

Even though I am not pregnant yet, I am learning through your posts…

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Rachelle     at 2:53 pm

You aren’t alone with those thoughts. All preggers go through them. We do the best we can.
And what better way is there to learn than from mistakes. I am currently reading “Raising a Resilient Child” and it points out that mistakes are how we learn.
You are doing a fantastic job, and if you feel otherwise, well, it just isn’t true :-)

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Brooke @ bittersweetb     at 2:57 pm

Guilt is a horrible emotion to feel but you are definitely making the best of things! You are doing the best that you can and thats all you can ask for. Hopefully in time you can let go of the guilt and just be.

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Jess     at 3:04 pm

I felt guilty too telling a couple that we knew had been trying for about 9 months that were we pregnant, especially since when we decided to throw all caution to the wind my husband basically looked at me and I was pregnant. Also felt guilty about the food, but you know what, your baby is getting the nutrition it needs before your body does. He’ll be just fine!

Now just feel lucky and blessed that you have a healthy, growing baby in there. :-)

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Kiran @ KiranTarun.com     at 3:05 pm

These feelings are natural. Love it that you’ve decided not to let all these emotions take control of your life :)

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Jayna @ Healthy Living Bites     at 3:10 pm

Welcome to “mommy guilt”. It’s one of those badges of honor that come to us mommies. (not that people who don’t have kids can’t understand, but it’s a different thing entirely to experience it) It will only intensify once Baby Garnish is here because suddenly watching TV, talking on the phone, being on the computer will feel selfish because it means your attention isn’t 100% focused on him. Every nutritional decision you make for him will be questioned. Every time you make him cry because you aren’t giving him what he wants will make you think maybe you are just too mean. Every time he coughs you’ll wonder if you’re being neglectful because you don’t immediately call the doctor. Then there is the guilt that your child isn’t perfect when they throw a fit in a restaurant because they can’t get down and run around.

However, as mom’s we also recognize that by taking time for ourselves we are showing our children that while they are our world we are still people who sometimes need to do things outside of them. We teach them about nutrition as they get older to give them tools to make healthy decisions for themselves. We stay calm (on the outside) as they develop a fever because we know fever is the bodies way of fighting infection and doesn’t necessarily warrant an immediate call to the doctor (well, when they aren’t infants at least). We squash previously held judgments on how children should behave in public and recognize that everyone, kids included, have bad days and it isn’t necessarily a reflection on parenting.

Welcome to the Mommy Club!

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Sarah     at 3:37 pm

I think you’re being very wise, Emily! I’m trying to do the same thing- using pregnancy as practice for parenthood!

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Leanne (Bride to Mrs.)     at 3:42 pm

Your honesty is refreshing :) Hope the journey across the country is still going well!

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Meg     at 3:52 pm

Emily,

I know we don’t know each other, but I really like you and what you have to say!

If you don’t mind, I’d like to share my story…
I have endometriosis and my mother and sister do as well (they also have POS). My mom was married for 9 years and told she couldn’t have babies. She went on Clomid. One day, she gave it up to the Lord and found out three weeks later she was expecting. She went on to have my two older sisters and me. She calls us her miracle babies.

I had two surgeries in two years because of my endometriosis and struggled with heavy periods/cramps my whole life. After my 2nd surgery, my periods returned and actually became normal and I ovulated like I’m supposed to. My hubby and I tried for 6 months to get pregnant and conceived! Our baby girl was born last October and we are proud and happy parents! While it has been a long and hard journey, I, too, felt like I didn’t deserve to be a mom.

The same time I found out I was expecting, my sister and her husband found a girl who was pregnant and going to place her baby with them for adoption. Our family was thrilled to know we’d have two new babies in 5 months. The day after she delivered, she decided not to place her baby for adoption and, after 11 years, my sister and her husband are still childless. Why? I feel they are more deserving of a baby than we are.
But I know God is sovereign and has a perfect will for them. Their faith is so much stronger now and I pray for them to conceive on their own every day.

I think your guilt is competely normal. I have it now as a mommy and I don’t think it ever goes away. Parenting will teach you to be selfless. Best wishes and keep the posts coming!

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Amber K     at 4:00 pm

While I have been trying to get pregnant for over four years, I don’t seem to get too bothered when I read or hear that people I know are pregnant. I know that I really did at first, but it’s been so long that I have been able to deal with it better. But I wouldn’t want anyone to feel guilty that they were able to get pregnant!

You’re obviously feeling guilty, so I wouldn’t say “hey, don’t do that!” But I think you’re absolutely doing the best you can in all respects.

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Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life)     at 4:01 pm

I completely understand. I felt so guilty that it just ‘happened’ for us – and imagine adding on top of that that we weren’t trying… I feel like that annoys the heck out of some people and I’ve stopped sharing that detail.

In terms of how you’re handling your pregnancy- you’re doing an AMAZING job. Baby Garnish is one lucky little baby to have you as a mommy!

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Kristen @ SEO Runner     at 4:03 pm

Beautiful sentiments.

This is what resonated with me the most:

“Pregnancy isn’t perfect, and parenting won’t be perfect. I am going to question my decisions. I am going to feel like I have failed at times. I am going to make mistakes.”

It’s the truth. I have a 4 year old and the emotions haven’t subsided since I found out I was having him.

There’s a lot of guilt in pregnancy and parenting because we all want to be the best, do the best and provide the best to our children.

Truth is, nothing and no one’s perfect.

Still with doing the best you can and not settling for less than the best you have. Some days you’ll have more than others (more energy, attention span, imagination, money) and others.

We’re raising our children in the real world, which is far from perfect.

The best we can do is help mold them to thrive in the world we have.

And most importantly, to ensure our children KNOW they are loved, even when THEY aren’t perfect.

It can be tough, but it’s the most rewarding thing we have the opportunity to do.

Congratulations! And good luck with your move.

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Nadine     at 4:07 pm

Ah the guilt. It’s hard not to feel guilty when you have worked hard for something and you leave some of your friends behind in the trenches… Honestly a little guilt is a good thing, it keeps us sensitive to others needs(I hope).
I can relate, me and my closest friend are super infertiles, we finally had twins after 5 years, a lot of money and some third parties. My best friend was still trying, and it was hard for her, and hard for me, but acknowledging it makes it so much easier.
Ps- my friend is now 8 weeks pg.

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Kristen     at 4:10 pm

What an amazing post! Believe me, you are not the only one feeling those things. I was so blessed to get pregnant as easily as I did, but my brother + SIL have been trying for over a year now (she is also having trouble getting back to normal cycles after going off the pill). I felt so guilty that I almost didn’t want to tell her. When I did, I saw the tears well up in her eyes because I knew how desperately she wanted a baby, but I do know how excited she is for us also. I feel bad talking to her about it even because I don’t want to upset her, so I just let her talk when she wants to do the talking. I pray that she has the same luck as you have had after struggling with menstrual issues as she is now going through some fertility treatments.

On a different “extreme jealousy while pregnant”, when you announced your pregnancy on here I was so jealous – even though I was pregnant also. We decided to wait until we were 13 weeks along before telling anyone, and with you announcing at 8 weeks, I couldn’t stand reading your pregnancy updates because I knew I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It drove me crazy! BUT – I am so excited for you and I love reading about your pregnancy journey since our due dates are so close together! It was a ridiculous thing to be feeling, but I blame it on the pregnancy! ;o)

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Sarah @ The Pajama Chef     at 4:25 pm

what a great perspective. though we don’t have kids and aren’t trying now but i know people who have fertility issues so i appreciate your thoughts…very helpful

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Rachel Jacobs     at 4:29 pm

From college I am friends with 6 other girls and we have known each other for 16 years. There is one girl in our group who cannot get pregnant and has been through a variety of fertility treatments and tests. She has found out that it just isn’t possible for her to be pregnant. It has been especially hard for her as 5 of us 7 girls have all had children (8 total). Each time we are afraid to tell her we are pregnant for the guilt we feel about completing the miracle. However we all are working on it together and trying to make sure we all remain friends and find a way to make her feel included as things can often be all about kids.
It is a struggle but it has made us all better friends for it. Hopefully your friends will make their way back to you.
I am loving reading your stories and the openess with which you communicate makes it seem like we are all your best friends.

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sarah     at 4:52 pm

love love love.

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Michelle (The Runner's Plate)     at 4:55 pm

Once again, loved the post!! I appreciate the open and honest comments!

I never thought about *not* being able to get pregnant but after hearing/reading more about this problem for many couples, it makes me realize that could be me some day!

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April     at 5:03 pm

I am so thankful my friend (thanks Eileen!) turned me on to your blog. I am a few weeks behind you in my pregnancy and i have to say i connect with everything you talk about going thru pregnancy. You make me feel normal, and like you, i thought i would be this “Super pregant woman” but i have been brought down to earth and truly believe we need to relax and enjoy as we are all different.
You have me as a keeper now:)

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Amanda     at 5:05 pm

I’m inspired to write a post along these lines! Your honesty is lovely here and I believe this is very common. The feeling of guilt didn’t go away just because the pregnancy ended though. I still feel it because my daughter is so perfect and many others struggle with so many things!

Thanks for sharing this!

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Elena @ GagaForGrapefruit     at 5:09 pm

what a beautifully written post girl! never feel guilty for that wonderful miracle that you have been blessed with, and others need to understand that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, and what will be, will be. this is your time! cherish it!

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Emily E.     at 5:16 pm

What a wonderful, honest post! I hate to break it to you, but the “guilt” doesn’t end after the pregnancy! When my twins were born (via IVF, we had infertility issues also) I struggled for a very long with “mommy guilt”. It took me a while to learn to accept that noone is perfect and that I would never be able to live up to my expectations for perfection!

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jane     at 5:17 pm

I have not been pregnant nor am i trying-quite the opposite at this point in my life actually-but i have been keeping up with your posts, although i have to admit that they are getting a little baby-centric. However, i am so excited for you, what an exciting time!! My sister is pregnant right now (due in September) so it is fun to see the parallels. It just seems that maybe you are taking yourself a little seriously. You are a healthy person and, as you state, a lucky girl that you are pregnant so ENJOY YOURSELF well that is between feeling nauseous ;-)

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Ashley @ Nourishing The Soul     at 5:22 pm

Thanks for sharing so honestly in this post. For whatever it’s worth, my suggestion is not to actually feel gratitude for the guilt. No emotion is bad – and in fact I think it signals that you care deeply about other people and your growing child. If the guilt is overwhelming, then that’s an issue. But it sounds like you are just grateful and aware of your blessings and want to be mindful that others might be struggling (i.e. it means you’re a good person!).

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Suzanne     at 5:24 pm

I want to thank you and tell you how much I appreciate the way that you treat your friends with fertility problems and that you have made a point NOT to ask couples about their family planning. I also hope that you continue to care for those friends who are still trying to get pregnant but can’t and are pulling away from you. They really need you, but they also need time and space to deal and cope. I do not agree with the people that are saying that if these friends truly cared about you that they would just be happy and not pull away from you. They still do care for you. They just can’t help it and they do not mean to hurt you in any way. It’s survival. I’m sure you already know that from your struggles to get pregnant.
Infertility is a monster. I’ve had surgery and IVF treatments multiple times. Besides physical pain, the anxiety, despair and deep depression is overwhelming when friends, family and strangers all seem to be pregnant and your body just doesn’t work. I stayed at home A LOT just to avoid seeing pregnant bellies. Just as with any life struggle, nobody really understands it until they live it.
On a happy note, after 2 1/2 years our IVFs did work! We have two beautiful daughters with a third on the way in August. It’s hard to believe that our 3rd child was frozen, as an embryo, for two years and is now a healthy growing little one inside! Honestly, I feel guilty at times that this has worked out for us and yet it never does for others.
Please try not to feel guilty, but enjoy this experience as much as possible. You deserve it! Thank you for your story and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the compassion that you show others. You seem to be a wonderful mother in the making!

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KellyC     at 5:39 pm

I just read another blog of a mom who is feeling guilty about this and that. We all do it unless we are just completely oblivious to others. We compare every aspect of our lives with either a perfect standard we have set or others expectations. At some point just like in other areas of your life you will need to evaluate if what you feel guilty about is indeed something you should feel guilty about such as purposely hurting someone or lack of integrity in a transaction. Good, appropriate guilt causes us to stop doing what it was that made us feel guilty. Bad guilt is debilitating. It eats away at us. While all your feelings are normal and thoughful, protect yourself by not allowing them to eat at you too much. Embrace the caring thoughts for others without hurting yourself.

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Alexa @ Simple Eats     at 6:03 pm

I’m sorry that you feel guilt. It just shows how big of a heart you have. You are incredibly blessed, and you’re even more aware of that…cherish it!

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LoriV. @ For the Run of It     at 6:46 pm

I felt a lot of guilt as well, especially after the baby was born. It took us a couple years (and doctors) to conceive and once my baby was born I felt guilty for not being perfect and not enjoying every second. I kept wondering how something I wanted so badly could make me feel so helpless, and how could I not feel incredibly grateful every minute of every day? It sounds like we have a similar make-ups, Emily, with your worrying and anxiety. I also had a vision of a perfect pregnancy, yet I ended up completely sick and living on bagels for months and months.

Good for you for putting all this out there. The Internet bulletin boards were just becoming popular when I had my son, but blogs were not prevalent like they are today. You’ll be a great resource for those in similar situations who feel the guilt or helplessness, and above all, alone. It always feels better to know there are others out there feeling and thinking the same. Your fabulous blog will just have another fabulous aspect!

Remember, you’re human. Mothers for get that sometimes (often times).

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Hayley     at 6:50 pm

I 100% know how you feel. I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant, but you realize quickly that your body’s going to take control…and unfortunately, the guilt doesn’t go away once your baby’s born! My little princess is 10 weeks old and I constantly feel guilty, even though I know it’s necessary to take a little time to myself to be the best mother and wife I can be. It’s only natural to have the feelings you do, it shows that you’ll be a wonderful mother :)

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Heather     at 6:57 pm

It’s so nice to have someone actually post about this because this is one thing I have definitely struggled with and have never heard anyone talk about before. I’ve heard all about ‘mommy guilt’ but never the pre-mommy guilt. I feel the same things as you – guilty for being able to get pregnant when I know so many people struggle, guilty for not exercising more, guilty for not eating better. Plus the added guilt of not feeling desirable for my husband, being so tired all the time, and not keeping up my household like I would like (when does that nesting kick in!?).

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Louise Reply:

I was able to unload and load the dishwasher last night and I felt like I had finished a marathon. I wish I could go back in time to my non-pregnant self who used to complain about being tired and say “snap out of it, clean something!” Pre-pregnant me didn’t know what tired really was.

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Amanda @ The Beauty Notebooks     at 7:27 pm

Have you tried making Green Monster smoothies with spinach? I have yet to try one, but the taste of spinach is apparently pretty much non-existent. Perhaps that could help with your leafy green intake?

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Melanie @ Trial By Trail     at 7:30 pm

What a great post Emily! Thank you for sharing this less talked about aspect of pregnancy. I can relate to both sides. It took us a long time to conceive our daughter and we eventually turned to IVF to conceive her. During those years of infertility, we had friends who got a “hole in one” and other friends who were also struggling to conceive. Watching other friends conceive in their first month of trying felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I then became pregnant with my son when my daughter was 8 months old. It was a total shock since we weren’t trying and assumed we were infertile. I also noticed some friends pulling away from us, especially during my second pregnancy.

As for feeling guilty about not eating or exercising perfectly during pregnancy – try not to worry about it (as best you can!). You are so right – it is much easier to imagine how you’ll eat/exercise/etc. during pregnancy than it is to actually do it once the exhaustion and sickness hits you! Creating a human being is not easy on the body!

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Christie     at 7:58 pm

This post made me tear up for no reason at all. I’m “trying” to get pregnant now. I’m at the “it seems like it would have happened already now” stage but not to the doctor visit and fertility treatment stage. I agree that I really *really* hate the question about when we’re having kids. I don’t want to talk about my personal life with perfect strangers. It’s bad at work – everyone wants to be in your business.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for a thoughtful post.

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Kari @ bite-sized thoughts     at 8:15 pm

This is a wonderful post. I’ve never been pregnant and am not in the process of trying to be, but I’ve found it interesting watching different friends approach their pregnancy experiences. I’ve certainly learnt that it’s a time when many are racked with guilt and try to do things ‘perfectly’! I love that you’re able to reflect on the futility of that.

All the best with the next stages and settling into your new home :)

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Amanda     at 8:45 pm

I love all of your blog posts and your refreshing honesty! Also, I made some tofu based on your recipe today and it was delicious!

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Lu @ A Mix of it All     at 9:16 pm

I understand your guilt. We all have it or had it. Enjoy each emotion. They are all valid. Don’t get too frustrated. I cried over which salsa to pick when I was pregnant.

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Erin {Shortcut to Bliss}     at 10:57 pm

I feel like I say this a lot, BUT this is probably my favorite post of your’s. I think we often envision the way something is going to be and expect it will turn out just that way. Don’t fret over the pregnancy guilt… there will be plenty of mommy guilt to keep you occupied.

The trick is to get past it =)

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Jill     at 1:02 am

Hey Emily,
This post reminded me of also realizing that you cannot also ‘plan the perfect birthing experience’…I mean, you can try but it may not turn out the way you have it playing out in your mind. I think it is realistic to know what you want/don’t want, and make that clear to your doc, etc. but also know that your baby/body/nature may have other plans :)

I love reading about your pregnancy as I about about 2 weeks behind you with my 2nd!

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Jane     at 1:04 am

Long time lurker, first time commentor :) Just want to thank you for being so real and honest, and sharing your heart with your readers. I’ve loved reading your pregnancy posts…even though I am in the “struggling to conceive” category. Two years and counting, and staring down the barrel of IVF. Every time I hear of a friend falling pregnant, or read about a blogger falling pregnant I can’t help but cry. I’m happy for them, but it reminds me of my own pain.
Feel blessed and lucky to have your bub in your belly, but not guilty. And personally, I think you’re doing an absolutely stellar job looking after yourself during this pregnancy, considering I have come across women who have smoked, drank, and taken illicit drugs throughout their pregnancies. Savour this unique time in your life and keep sharing the experience with us! :)

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Audrey     at 2:06 am

Good for you, Emily! I know that you will be a wonderful mother. :)

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B     at 10:24 am

I’ve been feeling guilty myself, for feeling a little resentful when reading your pregnancy update posts. I’m 1.5 years into trying, 6 months into injection treatments, and emotions are running high to say the least. I can’t run and exercise as much or as intensely as I would like (also a guilt factor), and I feel like everything I do that isn’t helping is hurting (guilt with every glass of wine or cookie that’s not on the “best for trying to conceive” lists). Maybe it’s because you have a blog and your life is presented post by post, but trust me–from the outside, your pregnancy does seem perfect. It is a pleasure to read about your exciting journey, but it is hard to suppress the feelings of jealousy and just…I don’t know…self-hate? that comes with feeling like I’m failing where everyone else is succeeding. I will keep reading and working through these issues–hopefully my time to feel guilty for being successful will come eventually. :)

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Leah     at 10:37 am

“I never ask couples if they plan to have kids, because I remember how tough that question was for me.”

Thank you for this.

My husband and I decided years ago (we’ve been together nearly 17 years) to not have our own kids. His Mom is adopted and we’ve always been very pro-adoption. After being married nearly 11 years I still get the questions from EVERYONE as to why we are outside of the societal norm (why don’t you two have kids yet?)

You are a rare person not prying into other people’s business. I wish more people were like you. :) :)

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Jen     at 11:42 am

I was very glad to read your post on pregnancy guilt. More specifically that related to nutrition and fitness. I’m not alone!! I’ve always been really focused on being healthy and envisioned this perfect healthy fit pregnant woman in me. uh…ya… It’s sooooo different than I expected. Certainly a challenge. Now I’m proud if I get a few miles of walking in… and if I lasted long enough to be able to Yoga…it’s been an amazing day. LOL. I found this week (21 weeks for me) Yoga was a lot more difficult too! Even though its “prenatel yoga”. Yet two of my closest friends were fitness pro’s throughout their pregnancy. Even doing spinning classes! (which once upon a time I loved and did religously…umm ya… I haven’t been in months.)

But – with all that said/felt. I have no doubt our focus and trying to be healthy is totally worth it even if the outcome is different than our initial expectation. Baby is surely thankful and benefiting greatly.

Happy Friday!

Jen

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Kristen     at 1:24 pm

I appreciate you so much, and all that you share. I also appreciate that you don’t ask others that question of “when are you going to have children?”
When I first got married I was asked that a lot, and really, I was amazed that people would so blindly ask such a personal question as if the answer would be so simple as a matter of time.

Also! I live in Indianapolis and we have *finally* gotten a serve your self yogurt shop. It is great. Orange Leaf. So, I know you visit here from time to time. I went there because I always see you showcasing your awesome treats!

:)

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Maryea {Happy Healthy Mama}     at 1:37 pm

AH, I can relate to your feelings of guilt regarding your pregnancy. I think it’s especially hard for someone who is used to healthy eating in normal times, and then doesn’t know how to act when their body just rejects those foods. I finally told myself that it’s out of my control and I need to accept that I’m doing the best I can and that is all I can do.

I live close to Cincinnati, but I can’t make it this Saturday. I wish I could as I would love to meet you! Have a great weekend. :-)

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sarah     at 2:00 pm

This was an excellent post. Thanks for being considerate of folks challenged by infertility. Take care and wishing you the best!!

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Ashley Austrew     at 2:35 pm

Hi there! I was introduced to your blog by a friend. I’ve been reading for a few weeks now, but this is my first time commenting. I’m a fellow veggie and first time mom–in fact, I’m going on 19 weeks, so just a few weeks ahead of you. I can totally relate to this post. I’ve actually written similar things on my blog. I was so wrapped up in the idea of what I would/wouldn’t do when I got pregnant. Turns out, pregnancy is nothing like we think, and so impossible to ever truly prepare for. Like you, I had awful morning sickness. I didn’t work out for WEEKS, and my diet left pretty much everything to be desired. I lived on Saltines and Lemon Heads. Even now, veggies don’t appeal to me. I eat tons of fruit, but other than that, I’m just craving carbs and starchy food. I’ve been walking occasionally and trying to do yoga, but most days I am just SO exhausted from work I don’t even want to do that. All I can say is give into it. Try to do the best you can, but know that everything is going to be okay regardless. Even before we knew all we know about eating right and exercising, women were having happy, healthy babies. It may not go as planned, but at the end of it all, you get the most amazing gift. There’s always time for running and veggies later on.

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Erin     at 3:16 pm

I didn’t get through all of the comments but I’m guessing that somewhere in there another mom has said that it will only multiply in about 30 weeks or so when you will feel guilt about pretty much everything. I think you just have to figure out what is right *for you* and what works *for you* and be confident that it is what is best *for you*.

My only other advice – try not to ever say “I will never (fill in the blank)” because there’s a good chance you will do that one thing (and you also have no idea why someone has made a choice).

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Louise     at 4:01 pm

Man, can I relate to this! I’m nine weeks pregnant and I thought it would never happen. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and have never had a normal period. To make matters more complicated, I am thin and have PCOS. A lot of women who have it are overweight and simply by losing weight they are able to get pregnant. I had already started to look into adoption because I wasn’t interested in putting my body through fertility treatments. I did decide to try Metformin, which is a diabetes drug, but has shown some success in stimulating ovulation in PCOS patients. I got pregnant the first month I was on it! I never ask women about their plan for kids, because it has happened to me many times and it was an awkward and painful subject for me. I am grateful for this pregnancy, but also feel guilty knowing there are women for whom this won’t ever happen.

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Karlee @olivewineandfood     at 4:25 pm

ahhh i’m so sad! I live in Cincinnati but we will be out of town this weekend! : (

Also, try not to feel guilty! you are so lucky you were able to get pregnant, and you and everyone else should feel nothing but happiness that it happened. don’t be so hard on yourself : )

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Sarah@The Flying ONION     at 7:01 pm

*Hugs* One of the things I love most about your blog is your outright honesty and the way you so eloquently express your true self.

You’re going to make a great mom! :D

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Sasha     at 12:19 am

Wow. I’m 38, female and single. Presently unemployed, to boot! So I understand all about being sensitive and not prying into others’ lives.

I too am majorly into fitness and healthy eating. So I have been assuming that I will have a uber-fit pregnancy whenever it happens. Your post gave me so much food for thought – my life hasn’t exactly been going as I planned. I’m only now beginning to understand that just because I want something to happen urgently, it’s no guarantee that it will happen.

I have also learned to count my blessings and being grateful for all the good things that ARE happening in my life.
It may sound silly, but when I have my cycle regularly every month, I am SO grateful that my chances of having a baby are still alive.

I loved your post, Emily. God bless you.

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Diana @ frontyardfoodie     at 8:55 am

Wow, thanks for the honesty! I’m one of those lame bitches who got pregnant in a month after getting off birth control. My guilt didn’t come from friends who had trouble getting pregnant but with the friends who had lost babies.I don’t know why but I felt guilty for having a healthy and amazing pregnancy.

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Monica     at 12:06 pm

Oh, this post is like a virtual hug for me – even though I know you probably didn’t necessarily mean to send hugs by sharing your feelings.

I am experiencing similar emotions and the guilt is like a constant pull on my sanity. Somedays my guilt pushes me out the door to go out on a great walk to just reflect and take a deep breath. But on other days my guilt simply passes and I exhale and focus on the simple pleasures in life at the moment. :)

Hope you have a great Saturday!

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Katelyn @ Chef Katelyn     at 3:50 pm

Aweee girl you should feel no guilt about being pregnant! Although I do understand. I am so excited to hear more about your pregnancy journey, your crazy cravings, and LOVING becoming a mother!!! Have a great weekend love!

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Samantha     at 5:30 pm

I had a very easy time getting pregnant with my three girls, and I always feel a bit guilty as well when so many of my friends struggle. But you can’t control how others feel. As long as you are still available to listen, and your friends know that you are there for them, that’s all you can do. You have every right to enjoy your pregnancy and delight in it. In fact, it is healthy for your baby for you to feel that happiness – both for the chemicals it produces and the bonding it allows. Also, your relationships with your friends will change – it’s inevitable – once you have kids. And you may drift from some of them, but you will make many more as you bond over having kids. That’s just life. As for the diet guilt, your body knows what it needs, and it will take what it needs for your baby. So if you can only eat bagels, know that your body will feed your baby first, and will eek out each and every nutritious thing in those bagels. It will also steer you away from things, and that’s ok! I couldn’t stomach any cooked green thing during either of my pregnancies, but my body got what it needed to make three extremely healthy babies. It may make you feel a bit less guilty though to think, when you have a craving, what does my body/baby really want? If you want a cup-o-noodles, maybe what you really need is a sodium fix – your body needs it to build your blood and retain water – so try a pickle first, or maybe some sardines in mustard. Brownies – maybe try a glass of chocolate milk to get the calcium/magnesium/etc. If you still want something specific, eat it and know that the journey is 9 months long, plus (hopefully) many more months/years of breastfeeding, and as long as your getting the essentials, your baby will get what it needs. Your body was meant to do this, and you need to trust it!

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Daily Garnish » Blog Archive » Week 18: My Pregnancy Journey.     at 3:38 pm

[...] The Guilt of Pregnancy « « Previous Post: A House in Progress. [...]

Veronica     at 6:17 pm

I so enjoyed reading your heart felt “true to thyne own self” post. Thank you for the normalcy and honest emotions. We as women put so much pressure on ourselves to do the right thing, say the right thing, be what others need us to be but it’s the grounded women that bring us back to reality. Inner peace is beautiful and I congratulate you. You will be a wonderful mother…your child is very blessed.

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Emily Malone Reply:

Thanks Veronica! :)

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Steff     at 7:49 am

I agree about the guilt thing..
1. I already love my little girl and can’t wait to hold her in my arms. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and a blessing to my life even before she is born. Despite all of that, it’s safe to say that at 21 years of age, single and planning to join the police force- I was in no way planning to have a baby, nor did I want to at that stage. (now every part of me is do glad I am :)). And yet my older sister who was married, settled in a nice job with savings in the bank and a house almost paid off, struggled for 6 years to get pregnant only to miss carry before having a successful pregnancy. Talk about extreme amounts of guilt explaining to her that I had ‘accidentally’ done what she had tried so hard for whilst doing my best not to! (I was on the pill!!)

2. At this point in time, it is safe to say I have not had an easy pregnancy. Severe morning sickness in the first trimester saw me in the hospital on IV fluids. Random spotting in the second trimester saw me on modified bedrest at home. And I was lucky enough to welcome in this last and final trimester, admitted in hospital for what is now 15 days! Random bouts of painful contractions, prematurely ruptured membranes, sciatica and all of this to end in a guaranteed premature bub. Don’t get me wrong, I’d go through a thousand times all of this for my little one but I am weary. I honestly just want this pregnancy over and done with.. And that makes me feel like the worst person ever!’

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msg-65468     at 9:28 pm

Your ex is setting you up for a few days or weeks later, when you find out he has a
new girlfriend. Darkening of the areolas: Your areolas could darken and increase in diameter during
pregnancy. You must use 2 separate forms of effective birth control because any method, including birth
control pills and sterilization, can fail.

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