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    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    EmilyBMalone@gmail.com

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    A Look Back.



Getting to Know Our Baby.

It’s funny how much changes over the course of a pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant during week 5, and for the many weeks that followed that I felt scared, anxious, and somewhat in denial about what it all really meant.  I knew of course that we would be having a baby, but I didn’t really feel very connected to that concept at the beginning.  It took a long time for me to get over my fears of miscarriage and complications, and start celebrating that this joyous change to our lives might actually happen.

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Once my second trimester started and my belly started to grow, I started to really feel connected to my pregnancy and the idea of having a baby, but not necessarily the baby inside of me.  There were little things that made it feel a bit more real – like finding out it was a boy, or picking a name, but most of the time I just felt like the baby was still a bit of a mysterious illusion that might not really be in there.

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And then with just a few little movements, all of that changed…

The more I waited for the kicking to start, the more anxious I got that perhaps something was wrong.  Others told me they were feeling things at 16 and 17 weeks, and while occasionally I’d think maybe I felt a tiny flutter, I was still sitting there at 21 weeks with no real kicks or movements to brag about myself.

I don’t really know when or how it all started, but as if it was suddenly overnight, I started feeling major thumps and jumps that rocked my whole stomach and made it bounce from the outside.  At first I thought I was imagining it.  And I will admit that I also thought it felt a little strange that there was something moving around inside of me.  And then it sunk in and felt absolutely amazing.

Now here I am at 25 weeks, and the kicks and bumps are all day long and all over my belly.  And even though I have felt them many times now and generally know when to expect them, they never get less exciting or feel less special.  I have learned that he will kick more after I drink ice water or eat cold cereal.  Or that if I lay down on my side I’ll usually feel him say hello when I first go horizontal.

The kicks feel like a conversation.  A connection.  Something he and I experience together that I can’t quite explain or share with anyone else.

And just like that, I feel like I know the baby inside of me.  He is mine.  I am his mom.  We are a team.  He kicks my side, and I lay a hand there to let him know I’m listening.  I’m there.  I’m protecting him.

It is truly the most incredible experience of my life, and even though he kicks all day long, each and every one makes me smile, and makes me love him just a teeny tiny bit more.

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86 Comments so far
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Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life)     at 1:36 pm

Ok, I just commented on this on babble, right? Or am I losing my mind? (Quite possible! ;))

But again, such a beautiful post. I love the connection I feel with my little one right now while it’s just the two of us versus the world. I’m soaking in all the hiccups and wiggles I can!

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Emily Malone Reply:

Haha no you are right. :) It’s a double post today – same story on both platforms. I totally agree. Me and him against the world.

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Alyssa     at 1:36 pm

Reading this made me tear up for sure!

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Noelle     at 1:39 pm

I feel the same way. My little girl is moving so much. As I watched a movie last night she was moving all over as I watched my belly. It was an incredible sight and strange at the same time!

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Averie @ Love Veggies and Yoga     at 1:40 pm

What a lovely post, Emily! And if you’re planning on nursing, the bond that you will feel when you gaze down at your baby at your chest, knowing it’s just you and your baby, the bonding, the sense of connection, it’s beyond words. Beyond even being pregnant was for me. These feelings will only grow…and get more wonderful after the birth (with or without nursing, of course) :)

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Mary (A Merry Life)     at 1:40 pm

This made me smile. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it explained as a conversation before. Beautiful post.

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Tiffany     at 1:41 pm

Aww…I totally agree! I feel like it’s unfair to my husband that I get to bond so much with the baby before she makes her debut to the outside world. The bigger she gets, the more I feel like I am really connecting – like rubbing her back when the lump sticks out from my belly. Hands down the best part of pregnancy for me so far!

Besides that, baby is familiar with your heartbeat and your voice so when he/she comes, that will be most comforting. So cool!

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Sejal M     at 1:42 pm

LOVE!!!
We’re 23 weeks along with #2 ans right there with you!!!!!!

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Kath     at 1:42 pm

:)

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Sana     at 1:45 pm

:) This lucky little man has you and Casey for parents!

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Lisa     at 1:49 pm

So well said, Emily! I love feeling and seeing our baby girl move around–at 35 weeks, 4 days she makes my belly jump all day–she’s running out of room!

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Cait's Plate     at 1:50 pm

SO amazing!! I can’t wait to experience this myself someday! Such an exciting time for you guys!

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Karen @ MyVeganland     at 1:51 pm

I love this post. While I don’t have any babies yet (and frankly I am still really scared) I found this to be so inspiring. Thank you for sharing these personal moments.

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Marci     at 1:53 pm

sweet post. can’t wait for those feelings.

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Melissa S     at 1:53 pm

I remember the moment where I felt the baby and I were truly a team. Now I look at my two kids and can’t believe how lucky I am to be their mom.

Motherhood didn’t complete me but my kids fulfill and complement me and my life in ways I never knew imaginable. I can tell you already feel the same. It is truly the greatest gift we have.

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jessica     at 1:54 pm

great post, your description made my eyes well up. brought me right back to pregnancy and what a special time it is (only a little over a year ago, but still so fresh in my mind) and the bond continues! thanks for your delicious recipes and fun chronicles. enjoy and congratulations on mommy-hood!

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Lia {sprightly}     at 1:54 pm

What a sweet post. I just got all choked up!

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Ashley O. @ The Vegetable Life     at 2:00 pm

absolutely amazing. Your pregnancy recaps have brought a new light on what the process of becoming a mommy really means… Someday I hope to too be where you are.

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Jo @ Jo In the Kitchen     at 2:03 pm

That’s a feeling you’ll never forget! My son is six, and I still remember exactly how that feels :)

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Kelly     at 2:05 pm

Isn’t it amazing?? :) When I don’t feel her kick for a few hours I get sad..but when she starts moving I feel so much love overcome me. It is the best feeling in the world :)

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Gina @ Running to the Kitchen     at 2:06 pm

I can’t imagine what that feeling must be like but I’m glad you’re enjoying your time bonding with your little guy :)

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Sarah     at 2:07 pm

Congrats, Emily! I very clearly remember feeling lots of what you just described. It took me until 20 – 21 weeks to feel my little one move and once he did it was the strangest sensation. I felt very connected to him and loved that special bond. A funny thing happened when he was born – from the moment he was placed in my arms he became totally new to me. It was as if the baby in my belly was completely separate from the baby in my arms. Everything I knew about the baby that traveled with me those nine months was washed away and I re-learned the little guy that was in my arms looking up at me. I didn’t really expect that. It wasn’t a bad thing, just unexpected. Also, I agree with Averie – the bond you build while nursing your baby is unbelievable. You connect in a whole new way. Enjoy this journey.

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mindy @ just a one girl revolution.     at 2:09 pm

This is a lovely post! It brought such a smile to my face!

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em     at 2:10 pm

*TEAR* You really know how to make us hormonal pregnant women cry!

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Lauren     at 2:14 pm

Aw…I love this. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my little guy. I loved feeling him move around and it was so special to me that I was the only one in the world that would ever bond with him in that way. And I can only tell you that it keeps getting better and better. He is now 2 years old and I love him even more every single day.

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Mile Posts by Dorothy Beal     at 2:14 pm

Baby kicks were the most enjoyable part of my pregnancies. Just the other day Miles was telling my husband that he used to be in my belly. Eric said oh yeah you remember that? What were you doing in there….to which he said kicking mommies belly :) made me soooo happy

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Cait @ Beyond Bananas     at 2:16 pm

How sweet!! I cannot wait to someday be experiencing this!

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Chelsea     at 2:22 pm

I just discovered your blog a few days ago and have enjoyed getting to know you, and this post made me cry! I can’t wait to hit this phase in my life! You and your baby boy are so blessed! Congratulations!

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Jess@atasteofconfidence     at 2:28 pm

How exciting. I can’t wait to experience this someday!

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ashley @ cooking for john     at 2:33 pm

this is so sweet!! :) i can’t wait to experience pregnancy.

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Kim @ girlevolving     at 2:44 pm

I feel the same way! I love to rub his little butt as it pushes out or to give him a little push back when he kicks. Small ways I can interact with him and say hello!

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Kristina     at 2:50 pm

This is such a beautiful post – seriously almost made me cry.

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alexe     at 2:51 pm

I almost cry reading your post. You write beautifully. Also, it’s good that you’ll be able to go back and read your old posts when your litle boy will be there and driving you crazy… ;)

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Ana     at 3:08 pm

Feeling the baby move inside my belly was also the most amazing feeling I ever had! It brought a smile to my face no matter what, even at the end when he was already upside down and would kick my ribs!
I too loved every single kick and felt this amazing connection, it is the best feeling ever for sure!
Ana

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wishful nals     at 3:10 pm

so sweet.

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Susan @ Saucy Living     at 3:14 pm

That is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read! So happy for you!

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Whitney     at 3:24 pm

Aww, you’re making me miss being pregnant. Feeling my little ones kick inside me was my absolute favorite part of being pregnant!

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Nicky     at 3:28 pm

A few weeks before my son was born, I went to a jazz concert and almost had to leave because there was so much “dancing” going on in my belly. Shortly after he was born, someone suggested that I get his hearing tested (nervous grandfather–there was no cause for worry), but I already knew that his hearing was okay because he often jumped/startled in utero whenever I turned the stand mixer on when I was baking.

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Ida     at 3:50 pm

what a gorgeous post!

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Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats     at 3:56 pm

This made me smile so much! :)

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Fe     at 3:59 pm

I LOVED THIS POST!

At 19 weeks and still haven’t been able to feel any movement (other than once at 14 weeks), my anterior placenta is ticking me off because it keeps me from feeling movement, but I know it is just around the corner.

I love your description of what it is like (no knowing myself since this is my 1st baby)…

I am now looking forward to my daily “conversations” with my little boy even more…

What a sweet and refreshing post!

PS: loved that you babymooned in Vegas, we are thinking of doing the same in September…

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Heidi @ Food Doodles     at 4:09 pm

Aw, that is the sweetest thing I’ve read all day. So beautiful! And it brings back so many memories and feelings for me :D

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RhodeyGirl     at 4:11 pm

Well said and me too.

Last night bambino woke me up with the strongest kicks I’ve had yet. He’s been quiet for a couple of days so it was such a nice surprise!!!! I feel like he just wanted to say hello :)

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The Healthy Engineer     at 4:25 pm

Motherhood is something hard to explain, but this post captures some aspect of it really well :D

I cannot even imagine what this experience must be like

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Maryea {Happy Healthy Mama}     at 4:53 pm

Yes! You sum up the feeling perfectly.

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Hayley @ Oat Couture     at 5:05 pm

Aww such a lovely post! Sounds amazing! Enjoy it! :)

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Sarah K. @ The Pajama Chef     at 5:13 pm

how precious!

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Jessica     at 5:38 pm

That is very beautiful! Happy to hear you have finally felt those kicks and feel a real connection to your baby boy! Best wishes for the newborn!

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Shari     at 5:43 pm

Sweetest post ever :) What a magical, mesmerizing journey this must be — and to feel him moving around and calling out to you like that, there are no words. What a blessing!

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Melissa     at 5:52 pm

I literally can’t wait to be pregnant! Especially to get to feel the little kicks. My mom use to tell us that when we kicked she would press back and we would kick again. It was like a game. So amazing! Following your journey is so amazing.

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Jess (In My Healthy Opinion)     at 6:34 pm

Beautiful post. I’m tearing up! Your posts are so sweet, and seriously make me excited to be pregnant one day. I was always really scared (and still have my reservations), but you make it sound like such a wonderful experience!

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Liz O     at 6:35 pm

I teared up when I read this post. Very poignant. I’m 24 weeks myself and can completely connect with your sentiments. Well said!

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Maria @ Beautiful Busy Bee     at 7:24 pm

Congratulations!! :)

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katherine (sisujones.wordpress.com)     at 7:24 pm

Absolutely beautiful post! Your son is a lucky boy.

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Alaina     at 7:36 pm

I totally got tears in my eyes reading about your connections with your son. Those are moments I hope to enjoy in the next few years. :-)

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Annie@stronghealthyfit     at 7:43 pm

So sweet, and a great explanation of how it feels to be pregnant.

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Jackie @ That Deep Breath     at 7:55 pm

i got the chills reading this. I’m so excited for you!!

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Erin @ Naturally Addicted     at 7:57 pm

Aw… I loved this post! I almost started crying!! I’m in my early twenties so pregnancy isn’t quite on my horizon yet, but I can’t wait for the day when I get to experience this!

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Kristen @ Change of Pace     at 8:37 pm

I love that feeling… We have 2 and aren’t having anymore so I think I’ll just follow along with your pregnancy and be jealous :)

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chelsey @ clean eating chelsey     at 8:54 pm

This gave me goosebumps. You’re a fabulous mom!

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Kaitlin With Honey     at 10:05 pm

This is such a beautiful post. I never comment but I felt so compelled to after this gave me goosebumps. You are going to be such an amazing mom.

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Bethany @ Accidental Intentions     at 10:17 pm

I love that you post so regularly about your pregnancy journey. It’s so incredible and fascinating and heartwarming to read about. I really hope that some day down the line I get to experience the same things you’re feeling right now.

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Katherine     at 11:42 pm

I am so glad you get to feel that special little connection.

I can’t wait to “meet” the little guy!

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Jenna     at 12:57 am

Such an adorable post. I hope one day I get to experience those same feelings, but for now I really enjoy reading your pregnancy posts!

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E     at 1:09 am

Such a beautiful post, Emily! You’re such a talent writer – I hope you’ll write a book some day (on anything – I’d read whatever it is :) )

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E Reply:

oops…talented!

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Katherina @ Zephyr Runs     at 1:32 am

This post made my uterus jump a bit. <3 So well written!

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Girl-in-the-pink     at 2:06 am

To be honest, the idea of being pregnant kind of horrifies me, BUT, your post tugged at my heart strings! It made me feel excited about sharing that bond! Thanks for posting! :)

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MariBu     at 9:02 am

Enjoy every second of it ! It is such a special connection such a sweet feeling ! And as a blessed mommy of 3 I can tell you every pregnancy, every kick and movement feels as magical as the first one :)

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Aimee     at 10:05 am

Beautiful post. I so get it. You and Casey are a part of the most awesome journey.

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Kari     at 10:37 am

I feel like I wrote this :-). I’m 23 weeks, and also just started getting the big kicks in the past two weeks. What an amazing (albeit strange) feeling it is!

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Katelyn @ Chef Katelyn     at 10:54 am

Aweee I loved this post!! <3

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Angela (Oh She Glows)     at 11:14 am

So beautiful :)

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Shayla @ The Good Life     at 12:25 pm

This is such a beautiful post, love it so much and I can’t wait to experience that for myself someday, hopefully soon! :)

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Amber K     at 1:12 pm

With how many fertility issues I’m dealing with, I am considering adoption more and more. But my biggest fear is that I will always miss not having this kind of connection.

I have always dreamed about the day I first felt my child kick in my stomach. I am so afraid it will never happen.

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Julie S.     at 1:26 pm

My daughter is 11 now, & I still remember what a special feeling came w/ each & every kick during my pregnancy. (I also didn’t feel any movements until after week 20.) For some reason she got really active when a certain guy I worked w/ said anything. We’d be sitting in meetings w/ a group of people, & as soon as he said something she’d go nuts! LOL! I also sang “Rock a Bye Baby” to her frequently when I was pregnant. After she was born when she was fussy at bedtime, I would rock her & as soon as I started singing that song, she would get completely still & quiet. I was convinced that she recognized it. :)

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jen     at 2:43 pm

it is a good sign he is kicking during the day. mine only kicked at night and when he was born he was totally day/night reversed which was not fun for us! i think as women we are so lucky to be able to do this.

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Jess     at 2:53 pm

I’m due just a few days before you and I SO totally identify with everything you’ve been writing about this journey! So much that I often send them to my husband since you are much more eloquent than I so that he can get a small understanding; how fantastic it will be to have all of this documented.

Race ya to the finish :)

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Heather     at 4:49 pm

YES. I feel the same way. It’s amazing to feel him kicking around and when he sticks his little foot or bum out, stretching my skin, and I lay my hand on him and rub him, it’s like he’s already here and I’m patting his back, telling him I love him. It’s amazing.

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Chelsey @ Chew with Your Mouth Open     at 5:22 pm

Beautiful post! Brought tears to my eyes. :)

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Heidi - Apples Under My Bed     at 9:22 pm

This is such a beautiful post :) I am few words, just gorgeous. Heartwarming.
Heidi xo

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Heather     at 1:59 am

How beautiful and lovely! Baby Garnish is already as active as his mom and dad!

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R @ Learning As I Chop     at 4:34 pm

Thanks for the dress tips! I hadn’t considered Forever 21 but I just went to the site and they have tons of stuff!

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Kelly @foodiefresh     at 4:59 pm

So precious! And so good to know that not everyone’s experience is exactly the same. You didn’t feel like everyone else felt at 17 weeks, but your baby was healthy and the kicks came when he was ready. That’s a good thing for people to know, especially people like me who worry.

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Lindsay R.     at 5:22 pm

I love reading about your pregnancy Emily. It makes me fondly remember mine (my little guy is 2 now!), and look forward to being pregnant again in the (hopefully) near future. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

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Kristen @ The Concrete Runner     at 9:10 am

I LOVE baby kicks! I didnt’ feel mine until about week 21, but it definitely makes me feel so much more connected to my little girl. Although, it does cause a lot of anxiety when I feel that she is not moving enough, but she always gives me a good thud to reassure me she’s OK. I never EVER get sick of feeling them, that’s for sure!

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