Our bodies are amazing machines. Thirty five weeks of pregnancy has definitely taught me that time and time again. With almost nine months under my belt, I have had plenty of time to think about how my body is actually going to birth this giant kicking baby that entertains me all day long.
I have watched movies and read many books, hoping to best prepare myself for the adventure that is childbirth. I have had many long discussions with Casey about factors that are important to both of us, how we plan to support each other, and what we hope our delivery day will be.
In my childbirth classes, we have talked about birth plans. It’s important to have an idea of what type of interventions you may want, and knowledge about what your options are as different scenarios arise. As far as my personal birth plans go, there are only two bullets on my list…
- To listen to my body.
- To listen to my medical team.
I know so many moms that have poured through book after book, listened to meditation CD’s, and role-played through coping techniques in preparation for what they are determined to be an all-natural childbirth. Some of them got the birth that they wanted. Most of them didn’t. Most of them ended up being induced, hooked up to monitors, and sometimes even with cesarean sections. But “natural” or not, they all ended up with gorgeous healthy babies.
The only physical challenge I can (personally) relate pregnancy to is running. I have done a good number of races – some of which have been great, and others that have been a disaster. One thing I have learned from training for distance running is that no matter how hard you train, how well you fuel, and how rested you feel – you cannot always control what happens when you get to the starting line.
I’ve run races where I felt like I was in great shape and there was no reason why I shouldn’t run a personal best. And then I’ve ended up walking through the finish line, feeling angry with myself and confused by my body’s inability to do what I felt it should.
On the day my son is born, there is no place for those types of feelings. I have eaten well, stayed as active as has been comfortable, and I’ve taken good care of myself for the duration of my pregnancy. If I end up with a c-section, does that mean that all of those efforts were a failure? Of course not. There are no failures in childbirth. Only babies, and families, and birthdays.
So after all my careful reading, documentary watching, and question asking, my birth plan is to not have a plan. Will my childbirth be “natural?” To me, natural means knowing my body and my limits, and letting go enough to trust the process and the support people I have chosen.
I know that my labor and delivery is to many extents beyond my control. I won’t be setting myself up for feelings of inadequacy or failure or making any big proclamations about what I will expect that day.
I don’t have birth plans. I have birth hopes. And I hope that on my son’s birthday, our story ends (and begins!) with a happy and healthy beautiful baby.
No matter how he gets here, he was created with love and grew through the power and miracle of the human body. If there is one word to describe all of that, it is most definitely natural.
181 Comments so far
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Great post! I love this “I don’t have birth plans, I have birth hopes”. It is perfect.
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Kristin Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I totally agree! Great Post Emily! I am so excited for you!
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Smart, beautiful, happy—your baby is going to have one great mama!
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In love with this post. My mom always says that too! It’s not how the baby gets here that matters is that THEY get here. So very very true. I’m excited for you to experience “birthday” – they were 3 of the best days of my life!! hugs ~ dtb
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I love this post. You have such a great perspective, one that is about respecting your body and loving it.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 10:54 am
Thank you!
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I’m a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, and we always say that the people with stringent birth plans are the ones whose babies end up in the NICU. I think you have the perfect attitude. Good luck with the last few weeks of your pregnancy and the labor/birth process. Congratulations!
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Melanie Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 12:27 pm
I’m sorry I have to say something, as a mother that had a son in the NICU. As you know, a baby can end up in the NICU for all kinds of reasons. As a professional I can’t beleive you would post something like this. I do agree to be open, but please elaborate on what you feel is a “stringent” birth plan.
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Alexis Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I can’t comment exactly on what Allison mean to say, and I agree that when I first read it I didn’t think it came off well at all. But as someone who works in a hospital (as a Registered Dietitian), I can say that I’ve heard the nurses I work with discuss something similar to this. And they are referring to the mothers who refuse medical interventions, such as pitocin and sometimes even C-sections, when a doctor is strongly recommending it. They are so determined to stick to their natural plan, that sometimes they wait too long for help, and then the baby and mother’s life can be in danger. I’m not sure if this is what Allison meant by her post, but I hope she wasn’t inferring that the mother is always to blame when a baby ends up in the NICU!
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Allison Reply:
September 17th, 2011 at 6:35 am
I’m sorry, I just meant that it’s the baby who has the birth plan, and you can’t force it into a “perfect” birth. I did not mean any disrespect or to hurt any feelings. Obviously I have dedicated my life to caring for NICU patients and love them and all of the families I have cared for over the years. It is never anyone’s “fault” when a baby ends up in the NICU. The comment wasn’t meant to be super serious but rather meant to praise Emily for defining a “natural” birth as one that listens to the needs of the baby.
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I think this may be my favorite post yet. I couldn’t agree more.
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I have been following along on your pregnancy journey and just felt the need to comment on how beautifuly said this is. I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy 3 months ago and I too did not have a plan and instead just listened to my body. I had a wonderful experience and it truly was a miracle
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Amen to everything you said!
I once had a teacher in school that was expecting and a student asked her if she was planning on having a “natural” birth to which she replied “If it comes out of my body in any way, it’s natural.” For some reason I have always remembered that statement.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 10:54 am
EXACTLY! :)
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Amy Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Best quote ever! And so true – it’s so obviously simple in its honesty.
Your perspective is so refreshing to read Emily. You’re going to do great. :)
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Good for you! I had an emergency c-section (after 14 hrs of labor) with my first and a VBAC with my second. Guess what – for me all that mattered was my baby was healthy and here!
My husband and I joked our birth plan was “Have a baby.” We opted to “the listen to myself, my guy and our medical team” as well and it worked for us.
Oh and have fun! I know it seems weird but with the first birth, we were serious and focus. With the second, we goofed off and found things to laugh about. Both LOVED the second birth experience and still find the fun in it.
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My sister had her son 2 weeks ago today. She is a labor and delivery nurse and wanted her birth to very natural. I knew things must be out of whack when I was texted that she had gotten an epidural. She ended up having a c section, which she did NOT want. Now however she could care less-Baby is here and she couldn’t be happier!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:01 am
Congrats to you sis! How exciting for your family!
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Beautiful! Your approach of hope and acceptance is something to be admired – and a perfect outlook for childbirth (and life in general!).
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First time commenter! Very smart post and great attitude!
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I LOVE the way you put that! I have had 2 ceasarians with healthy wonderful babies who are now a teenager and 21 year old. I am so happy to see you have a realistic approach to your birthing experience. God Bless.
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Very well said, Emily. I just wrote a post a few days ago about why I want to try to have a natural childbirth. Yes, I have great reasons for wanting my birth to go that way, but I also understand that I can’t plan for what will happen. Although I really don’t want a C-section, I can’t control that outcome. What I want more than anything is a healthy baby (and healthy ME) in the end. Yes, my plan is still to go natural, but in the end, I will not be disappointed if my “plan” doesn’t prevail – I will have that wonderful little girl in my arms!
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I love love love this post!!! Such a great perspective!
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Bravo, Emily :) Fantastic post. I absolutely agree with you, and I commend you for vowing to listen to your body and do what’s best for you. I know your son’s birth day will be a perfect & beautiful day that you will remember forever <3
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that was an amazingly powerful post :)
nice work!
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LOVE this post! Such a great attitude about something that can be really divisive between women! You’ve given me some good food for thought for when I decide to have kids, and I’m getting more and more excited to meet your little guy! Enjoy the last few weeks!
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I am not familiar in the least about babies and having babies. Do pregnant women feel pressure to have their baby a certain way? If so, where in the world did this come from? To carry a baby for 9 months and deliver it (in whatever way)is a miracle and no woman should feel any less for how they delivered their baby. Great post! :)
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:40 am
I don’t know if people necessarily feel pressure, but a lot times I hear people that say they were disappointed or felt like “failures” for giving up on their initial birth plans. I certainly hope to avoid a c-section, and will go without drugs for as long as I can, but I’m not going to set myself up for negative feelings either. Thanks!
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Aimee Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I totally agree Whitney. It is so strange to me that women even have feelings about other people’s pregnancies. This is definitely one thing that should be off limits from judgment.
Before I even went into labor everyone wanted to know my delivery plans. I always responded the same, “what will be will be.” I had my own personal wishes, but I had absolutely no expectations going into labor and delivery. After having an emergency C-section I was so enamored with my beautiful, healthy baby boy that I never gave the birth a second thought. A few weeks later a friend berated me about my “decision” to have a C-section. She asked if I even tried pushing. I was only 2 cm. She then tried to be encouraging by reminding me that I could always have a “natural” birth the next time. I was really shaken by her visit and left feeling horrible and inadequate as though I had done something wrong even though I knew better.
I think this post is deserving of all the support it is receiving.
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THANK YOU for this post. I kind of scoff whenever I hear all this “I’m gonna do it natural,” holier-than-thou attitude. Your race analogy is perfect — and that’s one thing about marathon training that will always irk me. You just never know what will happen.
I rarely study race maps and such… I just figure I will take the course and deal with it the best I can, a-la “ignorance is bliss.” I know more about birth than I’d like, enough so that I can make some decisions but not be afraid to go with the flow.
We must remember that tragic childbirths or permanent damages were very common in the past, meaning that not everyone can do it safely without intervention. Nobody’s really going to care how you give birth to your kid, as long as you both come out healthy on the other side.
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Ashley Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:33 am
I love the post Emily made. It is perfectly said in every way.
I am 38 weeks pregnant and people have been asked me, if I am going to have an epidural or do it natural. The question comes out of nowhere. When I say that my plan is to do it natural, I get a lot of rude comments, awful birth stories, and people scoffing. I didn’t volunteer the info, they ask.
The reason I want a natural childbirth (with full intention to listen to my body just like Emily said. If it doesn’t end that way, that’s fine too.) is because my mom had an extremely bad reaction to pitocin. She almost died from the reaction and I figure I’d rather not have interventions if I can. I don’t often get to tell that part of my history because by the time I try to, the person who asked the question is the one telling me I’m crazy-stupid. Not everyone who wants to try for a natural birth is trying for a holier-than-thou attitude. Just what is right for them.
I hope this doesn’t sound mean or rude, I wanted to clear up some feelings.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Isn’t it amazing how many people ask you that? I get it all the time too! And yes, no one ever likes the answer – always a horror story or other feedback. I plan to go as “natural” as possible for as long as I can go for similar reasons. I hope I can do it. If not, oh well. And I agree it’s not about a badge of honor or some kind of credibility. It’s what feels right to every family. And frankly, it’s no one’s business!
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Alej Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 7:41 am
I think the question of natural childbirth is very similar to the question of vegetarianism (or veganism in my case)… sometimes ( and I’d say quite often actually) it somehow makes people who have different views very uncomfortable about their own choices/opinions. As a result they often feel they need to justify themselves by scaring you with horror stories.
I think how you want to give birth is no one’s business really and while I know it’s tempting to share your plans and dreams with others (especially when they ask), sometimes it’s just best to keep them to yourself and change the subject :)
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I think this is a great point. I get similar reactions about my dietary choices as well. People in general seem to have an innate need to justify their behaviors, whether prompted or not. I also get this when people find out that I don’t drink. Just human nature I guess.
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Julie (A Case of the Runs) Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 12:04 pm
I didn’t mean that everyone who aims for a natural birth belittles everyone else, but unfortunately it’s pretty common that they do. =( Sorry if it seemed that I meant that everyone who opts for natural is like that. I admire women who are able to get through it and have considered it even though I’m a ways off. And then again, I admire ANY woman who creates life/takes care of the life.
The more I think about it, the more the race analogy applies, “Oh, I’m going to run this marathon without stopping at all, or come in under 3:40, so I must be a true marathoner!”
And those people who offer the horror stories once you tell them your birth plan are being insensitive. It’s one thing for them to say, “Oh, you’re preg?” and then spill the details, but in response to your birth plan is not cool.
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Amykinz @ Foodie4Healing Reply:
September 19th, 2011 at 7:59 pm
What inferiorates me when women who want to try to do it natural (after all, our bodies were created to be able to do this) get told they are crazy or stupid, like you said. Why is it so hard for women to encourage each other?
I’ve had 4 children (2 were miscarriages). The first I went into it w/a “natural” plan, but no preparations or knowledge of how (some) of the medical community works. I ended up w/Pitocin & an Epidural.
The last baby I prepared w/Hypnobirthing and researched a ton! My birth was an amazing experience! Our society makes women fear childbirth way too much, when they don’t need to fear it at all! Fear is, a lot of times, what causes the interventions!
What people don’t realize is that many times interventions take place when they really don’t need to. My best advice to new mommies is to do their research! Make the decision that’s right for you, but do it armed with ALL the facts!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:41 am
I’ve had some bad races, and I know how I’ve felt after those. Childbirth should never feel like that! And I agree, no one asks afterwards, “what type of interventions did you have?” They want to know about the BABY!!
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Jess Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 7:47 am
I gave birth to my daughter naturally and nothing upset me more than people scoffing at me or telling me that I couldn’t do it. I never said that how anyone else does it is wrong, just that I was hoping to do it without medical interventions and that I trusted my body knew what it was supposed to do. It did. I had an amazing natural childbirth and have a healthy, beautiful 11 weeks old daughter.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Congrats on your baby girl! I hope to have a similar experience. :)
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Another lovely post. I haven’t been there yet, but when I do get pregnant I will definitely reflect on the thoughts in this post. I so get where you’re coming from, having seen a lot of friends and family have various birth experiences and you are so right about what’s most important. In fact, I hope you publish this piece elsewhere in a women’s mag, because women really struggle with this issue and I think yours is an immensely helpful perspective.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Oh wow, thanks! :)
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Great post! I totally agree – however your baby gets here, it will all be good! I had an emergency c-section with my son and it was definitely NOT what I had planned on. But it is all good now. Scars heal and its a very distant memory to me now. Good luck to you! Can’t wait to hear your little guy has arrived!!!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:42 am
As much as I’d love to avoid one, I have to imagine there are far worse things in life than c-sections. :) Like you said, scars heal! And they give you character.
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Tricia Reply:
September 17th, 2011 at 5:32 am
Exactly! They are a visual reminder of the best days of my life and I don’t mind them one bit! If you do end up with one (and I’m sure you won’t) – I really didnt find it to be too bad. Doctors are amazing at what they do and you’ll be in good hands either way!
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I couldn’t agree more. I’ll probably have an idea about what I would like- but mostly it’s going to be whatever is safest for me and the baby and what makes sense at the time.
Any way you shape it, that baby is coming out- so I find no sense being all particular about HOW he/she comes out.
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The “no plan” plan is the way to go. I had really been hoping to go natural but I was open that whatever I needed, the baby needed, that day would be fine with me. I ended up being told I needed to be induced, then told the baby couldn’t handle the stress and that I needed a C-section. Not having my heart and mind set on a natural delivery saved a lot of tears and disappointment that day. Good luck as the weeks go by!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:42 am
That’s how I feel, and that’s reassuring to hear.
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Really, really well-written. I am not a mother, and I am not expecting (yet), but I had actually never heard the term “birth plan” until really recently, and I can’t imagine expecting to have much control over the process. I really appreciate your attitude about it, and certainly agree that your health and the health of your child is ultimately the most important piece. Thanks for such a thought-provoking post.
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You seems like in a very good place to welcome your baby boy ;-) The best luck to you and your husband too !
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GREAT post. Amen!! I have the same attitude
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Oh Emily. This might be one of my favorite things you’ve ever written. This line stood out to me: “There are no failures in childbirth. Only babies, and families, and birthdays.” I’m so excited for you and Casey, and thank you for letting us all be a (small) part of your journey.
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Lindsay Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:33 am
That was my favorite line, as well :)
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Leah Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:53 am
Mine too!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:43 am
Thanks! :)
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I had my daughter 7 months ago. My mom told me “you know Rachel, they won’t give you a nicer baby if you refuse an epidural”. Cut to me being induced, baby’s heart rate plummeting (down to 33!) and me needing an emergency c-section.
My girlfriend had plans of a home water birth. Also needed a c-section. She’s so hard on herself because she ‘failed’. Yet she has a gorgeous daughter… and yet she somehow failed?
Birth plans are great when they go right. When they don’t, they seem to cause more grief for an already emotional and exhausted new mama. Good for you for just caring that your little man gets here healthy and happy :)
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One of my favorite posts! Its been nice to read about how you are taking such great care of yourself during pregnancy, and also how you’ve learned to listen to your body. I can tell you from having 2 kids: we are not always in control (most of the time, but not always!) I love your no-plan plan, and can’t wait to read about the birthday!
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Very well said Emily! I just watched The Business of Being Born a couple days ago and got so much information from it that I didn’t know. But at the end of the film, especially given what happened with the fimlmaker’s delivery, I felt like the biggest thing I learned was that you need to trust your body, your baby, and your doctor to know what the best route will be because every mom is different and every birth is different. You seemed to have embraced that in the best possible way. Good luck with everything, I have LOVED following you on your pregnancy journey so much!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:46 am
Yes! And even the film-maker said it wasn’t what she hoped for, but she got her baby. All that mattered. Thanks! :)
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Emily this was perfect. I was actually stressing a little because I haven’t sat down to write a birth plan. At 38 weeks I feel like I should have. The doctor knows our goals and mentions them every time we see her. She knows what we would like, but we both know that the biggest goal is to have a healthy baby. I won’t be sitting down to write a plan after this. I am ready.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:47 am
SO close!! :)
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Great post Emily. I’ve not followed you since just after you announced that you were expecting, I’ve been busy. It’s nice to come back now and see you looking very big and beautiful.
I always wanted to have one of my kids at home with the midwife… and I was able to with the third one… and now that I’ve experienced it the Dutch way – the “natural” way – I’ll never do it again :D ha ha ha… b/c I was so much more relaxed in the hospital…
anyway, best of luck to you – and to me it sounds like your Plan is the best one!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:47 am
Welcome back! :)
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Well said! While I don’t have any kids and probably won’t for awhile, I completely agree with you. There is no need to set yourself up to feel like a failure, a healthy mama and baby in the end is all that matters.
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This is a beautiful post, Emily. Your thoughtfulness and flexible outlook mean that you are going to be a wonderful mom :)
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Great post and very well said! I’ve read Ina Garten’s books and would love to pursue natural childbirth someday, but the idea that a baby born via a cesarean or a mother taking an epidural is something of a “failure” is just silliness. To me, the bigger issues surrounding hospital births and the disregard for midwives are political in nature, not the choice (or situation) of any individual mother.
I was born via cesarean and my mom often recounts how drugged up she was during the whole thing–she thinks it’s funny. :) I was still a healthy baby and despite my not being placed immediately on my mother’s chest (which I’ve read is a big thing) my mom and I have a really tight bond.
All’s well that ends well!
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TC Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:46 am
Ha ha, I meant Ina May Gaskin! Talking about childbirth on a food blog is getting me confused!!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:48 am
Haha I didnt even catch it. I have read her books too. :)
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what I know is a very controversial topic. I think you have a fantastic approach and appreciate your honesty with your take on a natural childbirth. It really is…so natural.
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Amen to everything in your post! I love your perspective on pregnancy in general, so refreshing and never preachy. As Moms and future Moms it is so easy to feel judged and I never feel that way when reading your posts.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 11:48 am
That is nice to hear. I hope that is the case, as I certainly feel that way. Thanks! :)
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I think it is great that you are keeping an open mind although I don’t think it is fair to say that most people who plan natural births end up with invasive interventions. I think that these stories are told more because they can be more emotional. I know more mothers who have had amazing natural births than those who haven’t! I will agree that all that matters is a healthy and happy mom and baby!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Oh shoot. I definitely didn’t mean to imply that, and I’m sorry if I did. I absolutely HOPE that I am one of those people that ends up able to do it with no interventions! I am always amazed by those stories. I just didn’t want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations, and then feel let down. I think you are probably right about the emotions that go with unexpected deliveries.
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Stefanie Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I also think women who have really positive natural birth experiences aren’t always willing/able to share openly how positive their experiences were b/c there seems to be this resentment and sort of nastiness (by some, not all) towards women who have birth plans and have things end up going their way. My son was born 3 weeks ago and I had my own “birth hopes” in priority order: 1) healthy baby & mom, 2) vaginal birth, 3) unmedicated vaginal birth. I had a marvelous, wonderful, awesome experience. I hope you will as well. If I could make one suggestion…? Doula! My doula was worth her weight in gold in helping me through transition. And that was even after my extremely connected, supportive, awesome husband and I took Bradley classes. Good luck!!
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Jess Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 7:52 am
I agree that not enough women share positive birth stories, both natural and medicated. When people ask about my birth experience I LOVE to tell them about it because it was so amazing.
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Bet it was surreal writing “on the day my son is born”
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So well said it’s pretty darn good.
And the most important thing in the end is the health of you and the baby.
Blessings!
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You are a very wise lady. When I had my son, I was determined to have a “natural” childbirth. I was dead-set against getting an epidural. I went into labor, but my water never broke. The doctors had to break my water, and afterwards my labor progressed so rapidly that I was totally swept off of my feet- I just couldn’t handle how quickly the pain escalated. I finally requested an epidural, because I was afraid that I would be too worn out to actually deliver the baby when it came time. And you know what? After the medicine set in, I labored down for about an hour and, smiling, delivered my son with three big pushes. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my experience, and now, with my second (I’m due Nov. 16th) I’m keeping an open mind and remembering that the only thing that really matters about the birthing process is the end result :)
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i love your perspective, emily! i’m not a mom or expecting but i hear so many women who be so militant about how they want their birth to go that it almost seems like they’re forgetting the whole point of the birth… to have a baby, and to keep the baby (and mom) safe. i think you have a really great balance! :)
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That is such a great outlook :)
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I love that you called it “birth hopes” and not “birth plans” great attitude :)
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Lovely. Your posts about your baby/childbirth/family always give me chills and many times make me cry. Thank you for sharing, as always. Best of luck to you and Casey.
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Are you sure this your first baby, because you sound like a seasoned veteran! There are so many unknowns in childbirth, especially with your first, so your perspective is a very wise one. Good for you, girl!
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Thank you so much for this post.
I’m far from the point of preparing a “birth plan” at 15 weeks, but I hope you don’t mind that I’m probably just going to copy yours! :) I think that your mindset is perfect for becoming a parent- it’s just the beginning of things you may want to plan that will more often than not go the opposite way!
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I love this post (clearly a lot, because I don’t comment on your blog often even though I read often). You put into words exactly what my thoughts are about birth plans.
If you need drugs you need drugs. If you don’t need drugs, you don’t need drugs. If you need a c-section, so be it. Shit happens (quite literally?).
Good luck Emily!
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Amen! I love that perspective.
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Excellent post Emily. I truly feel the baby is in charge that day. I think it’s great to be prepared & have a tentative plan, but I’ve seen it all too often where “the plan” does not work out & the mother is left feeling like a failure, which is so not the case. There is nothing worng having a little pain medication or a c-section. A healthy baby is all that matters!
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I love this post. Right on!
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That’s such a great attitude to have! I went into my labor certain I was going to have an unmedicated birth. There was no other option in my mind. Well, after 8 hours of excruciating pain, throwing up and violent shaking I was singing a different tune and got an epidural! I’m so happy I did but for a brief moment while getting it I had a mini pity party that my plan didn’t go as planned. I wish I had gone in with a more flexible attitude, because in the end a healthy baby and mama is all that matters.
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You are truely an inspiration and guiding light to all of us looking to get pregnant in the future. This post is truely eye openning; I loved it!
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Really like your attitude! It is all about the baby in the end, no matter how it gets out! I find it annoying when people think they are more hard core or a better mom or a better pregnant person because they are planning or did it au natural. It’s not a time to judge, it’s just about getting the baby out and keeping the mom safe, and the way it happens is up partly to mom, baby, and doctor, and part just what happens!
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I had an emergency c-section 2 months ago because my son’s heartbeat dropped during labor. I had been in labor for the last 6 hours, intense 1 minute apart contractions, but I still had 5-6 hours to go. My son’s heartbeat was dropping to scary 80s and 70 bpm instead of the healthy 140.
I worried for my son and breathed deeply in the oxygen mask the nurse gave me an hour ago to help him. But I was shocked when my doctor told me: “We have to do a cesarean.” A dozen people rushed into my room to get me to the operating room to save my baby. I cried all the way up to the OR. I was scared and so very sad to not have a ‘normal’ birth like ‘everyone else’. I couldn’t push my baby out like my mother and sister got to do. What about recovery? It’s going to be so hard.
But then, I focused on the fact that my son was going to be born any minute now. It’s over, he’s gonna be here. I’ll meet him, my precious son.
Ten minutes later, the doctor held my son in front of me and all was forgotten. The tears were tears of joy, I couldn’t stop smiling. My son was perfectly healthy and opening his eyes to see his mama.
The medical team saved my son that day. I could not be more grateful. I got the perfect birth I’ve wanted all along.
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You’re such a phenomenal lady <3 I sincerely mean that.
In no way, shape or form is their any way to *fail* having a baby… you're going to be a rockstar! :)
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I think it’s a great way to “plan or unplan” your birth experience”- listening to your body is one of those most important things to learn :)
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You have such an eloquent way with words Emily. Thank you for writing this. I never imagined that I would have a C-section, but I did. I had been in labor for almost 18 hours and had only dilated 2 centimeters. When I was told that my baby was in distress and needed to be delivered immediately there was no argument, no guilt, no discussion. Nearly 5 years later I feel no remorse or regret over the way my son came into the world. He was born healthy and continues to be a very healthy, happy, active little boy. It is so frustrating to hear women discuss having a C-section as though it is failure on the part of the mother. Thank you for being so open minded. I wish you all the best.
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This post speaks to me so much. I am three weeks behind you and feel the exact same way, I just didn’t know how to put it into words. I feel like you said it for me :-). And my favorite line was the one about birth hopes, not plans. Love it.
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Good luck to YOU too!
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Smart, smart, smart!!! This attitude will serve you well during childbirth and also in the coming years! Good for you!
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Beautiful, perfect…so glad you are in this place mentally and emotionally:
“and letting go enough to trust the process and the support people I have chosen.”
I had a natural childbirth and it was beautiful but that was me and not everyone has that experience and we arent in control of these things. No matter what we “plan” for, the Universe, God or a higher power, our baby, etc…may have other plans for us and I love your attitude. So much!
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Emily, I think this is one of my favorite posts you’ve ever written. It’s just so refreshing to hear a REALISTIC version of childbirth. We can only do our best, and in the end, isn’t a healthy baby the only thing that matters? It the whole purpose of the last nine months, and that should be the only goal, your only focus. Beautifully written. I’m so happy that your so close to meeting your little boy! Gifts, truly gifts.
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Very inspiring post Emily! This is my first time commenting. I am 10 weeks pregnant and have been following your blog for several months. I’m going to save this post and reread it several times in the next 7 months. I am a marathon runner too, and listening to your body is the perfect plan. Thank you and best of luck!
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I love this post! I had a birth idea too — and love the idea of birth hope. :) The treasure is the baby in your arms after all is said and done. How he gets here isn’t the most important thing.
My daughter (now 9 mths) was a scheduled C-section for several medical reasons and sometimes I felt like I had to defend my doc and perinatologist’s decision. Yet in spite of this — and my huge fear of surgery of any kind — I never felt cheated of the “natural” birth experience … I had a beautiful C-section delivery (yes, it can be beautiful!) and in the end, my daughter was perfectly healthy with no medical complications.
I learned a flexible attitude is a great one to have — because the end result is just priceless. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy — soon he will be snuggled in your arms :)
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(no medical complications referring to the nuchal cord issue that was leading the C-section reco)
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You’re both, mommy & baby, an Awsome team!!! Love, love , looooove this post.
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This post could not have come at a better time. It’s exactly what I needed to hear, and I couldn’t agree more. It always seems so “either/or” when it comes to natural vs. Hospital births when you read or watch documentaries, ya know? Good to know I’m not the only one who thinks they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
Thank you for sharing your pregnancy with us! You’re 10 weeks ahead of me, so the timing is perfect to help prepare me for what’s to come.
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I really appreciate this post. As a mom to an adorable 14-month-old son born via c-section (he was breech), I feel that some moms, please note I’m saying not all, “look down” on c-section moms as not having given birth. Even a friend of mine said “not that you’d know what that feels like…” in referencing child birth. No matter how a child is born, it’s still a celebration for all involved. Good luck on a smooth delivery, whichever way it happens!
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Oh wow what a terrible thing to say. I haven’t even given birth yet, but just being pregnant alone is an experience no one can question or take away from me. Breech babies happen! As do a lot of other things. We’ll see how it goes! :)
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Beautifully said and I couldn’t agree more. I’m due on the same week as you with a baby boy too(Oct. 17th). We are in the thick of preparation classes and I almost didn’t sign up for them because I feel childbirth is just not something you can really plan for too much. Ideally, I’d love to have a natural birth but definitely a healthy, happy baby is number one.
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This was beautiful!! I feel like you are handling this perfectly, you did everything in your power and now the rest is nature taking over. You and Casey are going to be great parents!
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Gorgeously put! Thank you for sharing your journey!
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I love this philosophy. Great approach!
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What a beautiful post. I don’t have children and have no experience with pregnancy and birth, but it sounds like you have the right attitude :) I’ve enjoyed reading about your journey and although kids aren’t in my future for a few more years, I feel like I have some idea of what to expect when the time actually does arrive!!
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As a new mom I love seeing posts like this. My attitude was very similar and I completely lucked out with my labor and delivery. I knew that if I had a plan and things didn’t go that way I would be disappointed. At this point you’re used to being “out of control” of your body anyway! :) You’ve controlled what you can and it’s time to let the rest go! Good luck :)
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Good for you! I’ve never understood the way this topic can divide people, or why some women seem to feel “superior” if they were able to give birth naturally. It’s not a choice every woman has, no matter how much she may want it – in my case, severe pre-eclampsia led to a c-section. Guess what? I still got a happy, healthy baby out of it all, and that’s the only result that matters.
It does kind of rub me the wrong way when people go on about their “natural” experiences, when basically they were just lucky enough to not have anything go wrong (or be at risk). It’s easy to say “anyone can do it”, when you’ve never had to experience problems or complications.
Just focus on delivering a healthy little one. In the end, getting them here is what matters – who cares what path they take?
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I’m not really sure why that is either. I think for reason women tend to be very competitive and fall into the trap of comparisons too much. I’m glad to hear that you were able to have a safe delivery after your complications! Pre-eclampisa was an early fear of mine.
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Beautiful written post Emily. You sure are setting yourself to have a happy birth and happy outcome. Such a great attitude :)
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Well said, thank you for reminding us.
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Again, I agree this is a very well written post and an amazing metaphor. I really admire your laid back attitude about this. You have done everything right and now it is out of your control. Whatever happens will be perfect, because at the end of the day, you will have a beautiful healthy baby.
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I love your attitude! There are many medical issues that could require a C-Section and in no way means failure. You are going to have the best birth possible because you listen to your body and medical team. You’re going to be a GREAT mom!
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Love it!! And thank you for sharing your pregnancy with all of us… I can’t wait to meet the little one!
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What a beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent post. Expressing thoughts like this allows women to empower themselves — knowing that everyone follows the path their body will lead them on, not the other way around. I’ve loved following your journey. Thank you for sharing this!
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You have such a great perspective on all this! It really makes me feel a lot calmer about the possibility of someday (far in the future) becoming a mother.
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You are so ready to be a mom :) I love this post! Just a few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine that is a nurse in labor and delivery. She said the hardest thing to watch/be a part of is when women come in with a set way of how they are going to have their baby and they don’t let the doctors and nurses do what they KNOW should be done! We all have dreams of perfect births. But it can only be perfect if we let our body be in charge.
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Kait @ One Love Run Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 4:20 pm
that really is one of the hardest part of labor and delivery nurse’s job! I always say its the baby that is in charge, and we need to do everything we can to keep them happy!
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Emily, great post… it brought tears to my eyes! And MY baby is 11 years old! We have 3 children, and just as each child is different, each birth is different, too. You have an awesome attitude toward it. I have loved reading your journey.
I never felt more alive and in tune with my body than when I was pregnant. Enjoy these last few weeks… pregnancy is such a gift: it’s the only time in your life that you get to assist God in creating a miracle! :)
Then, you get to raise one!! Here’s to a healthy, happy, and “natural” delivery of Baby C……no matter how it happens!
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Hi – I’m 32 weeks pregnant and have LOVED following your pregnancy journey! I wanted to say that I really appreciate this post. I also plan to have a “natural” birth, but my birth plan has only two items:
1. Healthy baby and momma
2. No interventions that aren’t medically necessary.
I’m extremely worried that I’ll feel that I’ve let myself down if I don’t achieve a med-free delivery, and appreciate this post so much. I will work hard in the next weeks to emulate your great perspective on this!
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oh, and by the way… I had my first completely natural, my second was induced w/ and epidural because I had toxemia, and my third was an emergeny c-section when I went into labor 4 weeks early with placenta previa. So…my “plans” were not, obviously, to have risky pregnancies and deliveries. That c-section not only saved my son’s life, but also mine…. and it was by no means any less beautiful than my first, ” all natural-with-not-even-a-tylelnol” delivery. :) And they were all healthy, beautiful babies because of what I did in the 9 months PRIOR to thier birth. :)
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What a wonderful and beautiful post. You have such an amazing and realistic attitude about everything. Whenever my patients gives me a birth plan I try to honor it as best as I can, but the saddest thing for me is seeing them so upset if things do not work out perfectly, whether it be a C-section, induction, etc. I’ve had experiences where parents are so upset that their birth plan couldn’t be followed for medical reasons, that they don’t even want to hold or see their baby afterwards! I’m sure these feelings are just temporary and are a result of the initial shock of things not going as planned, but it still hard sometimes to see!
I believe you become parents long before your baby delivers. And as parents, especially in the unpredictable world of labor and delivery, you sometimes have to give up what is your ideal vision of giving birth and do what is best for your child, even if it means getting something done you were hoping to avoid. And in the end, no matter what means it took, giving birth to a healthy happy baby should be the greatest reward of all!
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Awesome post! When I was in labor with my first, the nurses were discussing natural birth (I was feeling like a failure for getting an epidural) and my mom chimed in with “If it comes out of you, it’s natural” and it really stuck with me through my c-section (with my 2nd) and my VBAC. Things happen, things you can’t predict. Sometimes babies flip, sometimes blood pressure skyrockets. You just have to do what’s best for you and the baby. And that’s what’s natural.
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What a GREAT attitude to have! I have had two babies, with epidurals both times. With my first, while I never really prepared myself for a drug-free birth, I was somehow disappointed in myself for getting the epidural. Now (6 years later) that attitude seems so silly. My daughter and I were (still are) both healthy and I truly enjoyed my labor + delivery experience. There is no “right” way to do it!
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That was gorgeous and made me cry. Awesome frame of mind ;-)
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You are going to do amazing when you are in labor – I can feel it! My sister had her baby today, and I got to watch. Childbirth is the absolute most amazing thing EVER!!!
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Such a great, realistic birth ‘plan’. I prepared myself for natural births for both my children, but was open to the fact that it might not go to ‘plan’. With both my labours, I got two beautiful, healthy children. And that is ultimately all that is important.
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I had a c-section with my firstborn and I know for sure that they saved his life. With my 2nd, a VBAC class was a requirement if I wanted to attempt a vaginal birth. I was given the choice to choose a 2nd c-section, or ‘try’ for the VBAC. I went to the class and I was SHOCKED at all the women there who felt that they had ‘failed’ at childbirth since they didn’t deliver ‘normally’ — clearly, I was out of place in the room. I was thankful that the technology existed to save us both. I think having a plan is a good one, but having flexibility and knowing that all that matters is a healthy baby Garnish and Momma, is so much more important!
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This is a beautiful outlook – thank you for sharing!
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My mom had a totally natural childbirth with my brother and was determined to do so with me. But I had other plans… I was breached and had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck! So she ended up with no choice but to have a c-section. As the saying goes, “man plans, god laughs”.
Oh, and what’s funny is that to this day she always talks about how much easier the c-section recovery was! This is way TMI, but she said she was too terrified to go #2 for at least a month after her natural childbirth haha!
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Love this! I had my son via c section 2 weeks ago. I had IUGR and at 37 weeks his heart rate dropped before and after every contraction so to save him my midwife said I needed to have a c section. I feel like I am mourning the childbirth I had wanted to have. I keep reminding myself that his birth was perfect because he is here and healthy!
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I have to say, I really love the way you wrote this. I know I’m not pregnant, but I’ve been giving this sort of thing a lot of thought. You’re absolutely right, the end result is a happy baby and mommy. You have to trust your body and know what your limits are.
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I love this post – and your honest – so very much. I’ve never been pregnant or had children, but the pressure that some of my friends have put on themselves to do it all ‘naturally’ (and the pressure others feel from those same people!) seems so unfair to them as individuals and to women in general.
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I love this post. I am not a mom or a mom-to-be, but I want kids in my future, so I often think about things like this. I totally agree with you, and think you put it so eloquently.
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Such a lovely and touching post. Usually people are on one side or the other of this debate and you just wrote so beautifully what all mothers should truly focus on.
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The way you feel about childbirth, is exactly how I feel, at the end of the day, you do what is best for you and the baby — and the best is not always what you expect.
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Carla @ I Run, You Run Reply:
September 16th, 2011 at 10:44 pm
And I was going to say, post your birth story after you’re done. Young House Love posted theirs and it was really honest. (Please do NOT read theirs until after you have the baby, mom and baby are healthy and doing well, but they did go through some speed bumps on the way to delivery.)
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Great post w/ a great perspective. You will do great!
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You’re going to have a baby in 4-5 weeks and that’s the only thing that matters! I like your attitude.
Is it weird to know that you have a person inside of you? I’d imagine so.
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Great post Emily. Whenever someone asks me why I would even consider “natural” childbirth I tell them because I want to be educated so that I feel confident with the decisions my husband and I make during labor. If I end up having to have a c section my natural childbirth plan hasn’t failed because I will know its the right thing for me and my baby. And hopefully that education will help me to have the confidence to avoid the unnecessary. Good luck! I’m jealous you are so close, I still have about 9 weeks.
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Even natural births can be traumatic and stressful. I had my third daughter naturally – no drugs – but she ended up having a stuck shoulder, with the cord wrapped around her neck, and not breathing at birth.
Either way, in the end, all that matters is that you have your wee babe in your arms.
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Love this post and really love your perspective on things. You have such a great attitude! I’m so excited for you and I really wish you all the best for it! :)
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Such a great post Emily! I don’t think “mommy guilt” or comparisons will ever fully go away, but as women we need to be more understanding of others choice and feelings.
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Great post, I feel the same way you do about childbirth. I think that this attitude is great because you’re focusing on the end goal, which is your baby. And you’re respecting your body, and ultimately, I’m sure that your birth experience will be a great one.
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I loved this post. I’m 34 weeks and I don’t have a plan. I’d like to go without medication, but what if I decide that I think an epidural will help me relax and focus on the birth? Or if there is a complication that could jeopardize my or my daughter’s health and my doctors tell me a c-section is the safest way to go? I don’t want to be disappointed because of factors I can’t necessarily control, I just want to be happy to meet the little person I’ve been carrying so long!
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Beautiful post! Made me tear up. Can’t wait to “meet” your little boy. All the best for the rest of the journey over from Germany!
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Fantastic post! I LOVED reading this. I had a “plan” and ended up with a breach baby (after trying everything under the sun to get her to turn) and a scheduled c-section. I was so upset and felt like a complete failure that I didn’t get to experience “natural” childbirth. But as soon as I had that precious little girl in my arms, it didn’t matter in the least how she got there – just that she was there. You have a great attitude and perspective on the whole thing.
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I love this post! And hope that your ‘birth hopes’ come true. :) You look absolutely beautiful too – btw – all belly!
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Awww I can’t wait to see baby pics!!! :) I loved when you said the only thing coming from childbirth is children families and birthdays. So true. :)
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Such a beautiful post, Emily! I think you have a wonderful ‘non-plan, plan’ :) I’m so excited to ‘meet’ new baby C.
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Hear Hear! I had a detailed birth plan for my daughter…I was bound a determined that it would be 100% natural, no interventions…. 36 hours of labour later I was told I needed an epidural so I could get some rest or I wouldn’t have th energy to push…so epidural I got and sleep I did..and I only pushed 20 minutes, and a beautiful baby girl blinked at me.
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I really don’t think this is a one side or the other thing- I’ve heard *many* women berate moms who want to plan for or do have a natural childbirth for “endangering their child’s life”, and to a lot of mothers and mothers-to-be, it seems odd that people would take drugs or want to be in traditional medical environment unless they end up needing to. People bickering like that and passing judgements seems just as silly as when people assume they are somehow superior or better people for being vegetarian or vegan, or for never taking drugs or drinking ;)
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I think that is a great approach. There should be no berating or being upset on the day your son is born!
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I 110% agree!! To me, the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that you have a healthy baby. I sometimes get annoyed by the people that get SO caught up in everything being “natural.” The birth process in general is natural and however your body reacts is the way it’s supposed to be. So excited for you and Casey!! I will be keeping you in thoughts and prayers!
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That’s the perfect attitude to have right now. Awesome!
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A beautiful post. I love that you used running as an analogy. I’m a runner and hope to be a mom someday, this definitely helped to alleviate some fears. :)
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Am amazing post Emily. You have your head screwed on. At the last moment I had to have a c section, with no labour at all. I had been set on a natural birth. This was a massive reason for my development of post natal depression. With a positive, realistic attitude like yours, you are in a great place to welcome baby c
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I totally related to that feeling of ‘I don’t know what I can do, what it will be like’ because you really don’t but guess what? It’s actually what you imagine. It’s a strange strength that comes when you’re in labor (mainly the end part) and you become super woman.
I did a fully natural, unmedicated birth and to be honest, it wasn’t painful…at least not as painful as I thought it might be. It was much more introverted than I thought. My husband was there with me the whole time but I just focused on my body and the baby and kept saying ‘down and out, down and out’ with every contraction.
I would never do it any other way! I was lucky, my birth went exactly how I ‘planned’ or ‘hoped’ it would be and I can only say I was blessed.
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What a great post Emily. I was in labour for 17 hours and then ended up having a c-section because my son was in distress. When the doctor said that they were going to do a c-section, my only thought was do what you have to do to get my little one out safely. One of the most important things I learned in prenatal class was to have an open mind.
Very excited for you!!
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I just had my first baby two weeks ago, and my plan was also to not really have a “plan”. I knew that I wanted to go as long as I could and would have loved to make it all the way, but I ended up with an epidural at 5cm. Now I’m so glad that I didn’t tough it out and exhaust myself without one because things could have ended very differently. Turned out baby was positioned awkwardly and needed forceps. It took me 3 hours to push her out and was the most difficult and tiring thing I’ve ever done. Add all of the pain on top of that, and I feel sure I couldn’t have done it (it was close as it was) and I would have ended up with a c-section.
Good luck! You will know what’s right for you. And of course the most important thing is a happy and healthy mom and baby!! :)
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Amen!
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You look fabulous Emily, have loved coming along for the ride in this journey of yours! Beautiful, beautiful post!
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I really like your relaxed, yet educated approach to birth. I plan to go into labor and birth with a similar mentality:-).
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Wow, what a beautiful post Emily! Sounds like your are set up mentally (and physically) for a successful and beautiful birth! I’m working on typing my birth story up, but let’s just say there were some twists and turns and I ended up listening to the professionals I chose, and they did an amazing job of bringing my baby girl into the world safely… Even if everything did go according to my plan.
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Oh, I love this post! Yes, I totally agree with you. THe same goes for breastfeeding. I cried and cried when I had to stop with my first son…I felt formula was so “unnatural”, but I didn’ twork for me. I gave it a chance and got through 8 weeks breastfeeding a beautiful baby boy who was 9lbs at birth. It’s all pretty amazing. You think your body is amazing now girlfriend…just wait, it only gets better!!! :)
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Beautiful post Emily! I feel like there is so much pressure for natural births and really it is so far beyond our control. But I love your attitude that no matter how he gets here, the fact that he is here is really all that matters at the end of the day. I’m sure it will be a miraculous experience no matter what :)
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you have such a great attitude! you’re so right: whatever you do, if the outcome is a beautiful baby..you did it right! :)
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Great post, to you and Casey and a beautiful, miraculous, birth.
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Well said!! Such great perspective :)
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Lovely post!
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I seriously had to say ‘amen’ when I read this post. Being 27 weeks pregnant myself (and a follower of your blog for months!) I have already begun to feel the pressures of the ‘natural’ childbirth discussion with so many around me. I am a yoga teacher and it seems that by default many of these women opt for a completely natural or at home birth. I have strived to place myself somewhere in between and realize that I need to trust myself and my tolerance as well as the professionals that will be helping me bring this bundle of joy into the world!
You should be so proud of yourself Emily, on not only the stance you have taken but also the expectations that you have let go of! Best of luck to you in the coming weeks as you prepare for your ‘birth hopes!’ :-)
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Emily Malone Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Congrats on your pregnancy as well!
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I totally agree! I’m expecting my 2nd child, a baby girl, in about 3 weeks. I was very happy with how my first birth experience went and am actually looking forward to experiencing birth again. It’s such an amazing process with such an amazing reward. I don’t have a birth plan either. I’d like to avoid a c-section unless it’s absolutely neccessary. My OB is very supportive of this and has the lowest c-section rate of any OB in my area. That’s really my only “plan”.
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Love this post, I am quickly catching up as I just had my son on Friday and had my own experiences that didn’t go according to how I’d hoped, but in the end I am out of the hospital and home recovering with my healthy son, that is the most important thing! Good luck with your upcoming delivery, you have an amazing attitude heading into it!
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[...] about my plans for getting back into shape afterwards. This is mostly because, similar to my no-plan birth plan, I didn’t really have a [...]
[...] about my plans for getting back into shape afterwards. This is mostly because, similar to my no-plan birth plan, I didn’t really have a [...]
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