about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

    Contact Emily



    What’s Cooking?

    Personal Bests

    5K - 23:28

    10K - 52:35

    15K - 1:38:14

    1/2 Marathon - 1:57:39

    Marathon - 3:50:58

    A Look Back.


Today was just not my day.  It started off with discovering a giant blowout in Cullen’s crib, and continued to go downhill from there.  He fussed when he ate, he fussed when we played, and no naps lasted longer than ten minutes or so.  We both cried quite a bit.

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The one nice break in my day was going to my new moms group – something I had looked forward to all week long.  He was distracted enough by all the voices and other babies that we were able to hang out for a bit.  But as I anticipated, he eventually started to melt down again and I had to leave early.  I was so frustrated. 

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Finally after what was literally hours and hours of crying, bouncing, rocking, swaying, and staring out the window at the grey rainy sky, Cullen exhausted himself and fell asleep for over two hours.  We both needed it so badly.

Once Casey got home, I cried a bit more, telling him all about what a bad mom I am because I can’t always make my baby happy.  And I found that just crying and talking about it made me feel instantly better.

So Casey took over with Cullen the Crank, and I headed downstairs with my two favorite magazines.  (Still love reading Fit Pregnancy, even though I’m not anymore!)

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I walked on the treadmill for almost an hour, listened to loud music and lost my thoughts in my reading.  And when I opened the door to come upstairs, I was immediately greeted with the smells of someone else cooking – no better smell to a new mom!

In the living room, I discovered a delicious dinner waiting for me…

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Raw kale salad with vinaigrette and sliced almonds.

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And a rice bowl with black beans and onions, salsa, and avocado.  Absolutely delicious.

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Perhaps most importantly, a happy sleepy baby, all tucked in for the evening.

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And just like that, I feel ready to face tomorrow.  There is no greater gift in my life than being a mom.  Even on my worst days, I feel so lucky to do this job.  Here’s hoping for a happier day tomorrow!

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94 Comments so far
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Kelli H (Made in Sonoma)     at 9:28 pm

What a good hub! That dinner looks pretty darn good.


STUFT Mama     at 9:29 pm

Oh Emily, hang in there. Each day is a new adventure with highs and lows. How wonderful that you had such an amazing meal waiting for you at the end. There’s going to be lots of tears along the way, but the many laughs and hugs more than make up for it! I’ll be a cyber ” mom’s group” for you! Here’s to a good night’s sleep! :)


Kate     at 9:33 pm

What a cutie! Even when he’s cranky. Do you find your treadmill to be loud? I’m looking for one, but I live in an apartment.


lena     at 9:43 pm

Some days are tough. Just curious if your new moms group is a PEP’s group? If not I highly recommend joining one. I made some of my best friends in mine and so did my girl!


Mama Pea     at 9:52 pm

Oh man, your day with Cullen…that was pretty much every day of Gigi’s infancy. I spent many an evening walking on my treadmill. No one really understood why. I think you do. Tomorrow will be better!


Brittany     at 9:52 pm

It seems like you have a great husband.

And even more, it seems like you’re a great mom.


Stephanie @ LiveCookLove     at 10:16 pm

What a great husband you have!!! And you are a great mom too, even on those bad days! Hope tomorrow is better :)


Jenny     at 10:19 pm

You are doing do great!! I remember crying quite a few tears when mine were infants! Good for you to blog about it and be honest about the day-to-day. Thank you for that!!! And man, having a wonderful, supportive husband really does make all the difference… yummy dinner!!!


Allie     at 10:24 pm

That sounds like such a hard day! So glad you have such a positive attitude though, I am sure tomorrow will be better! You are a great mom!!


karen     at 10:31 pm

What a nice husband!


Amber K     at 10:34 pm

So sorry you had a rough day, but what a great husband you have! So nice to have a break.


Samantha     at 10:51 pm

Thanks for being so honest about your tough day. Sometimes we all need to hear about someone else truly struggling. Not to feel better in the other person’s misery, but to not feel alone. You are doing great!


Christine @ BookishlyB     at 10:53 pm

Dinner made, time on the ‘mill and a sleeping baby? Maybe you should get upset a few times a week ;) He is so darn cute, by the way.


Lexi @ A Spoonful of Sunshine     at 10:54 pm

How sweet of Casey! Food always seems to taste better when someone else made it for you and added an extra tablespoon of love :)


Danielle     at 11:05 pm

I have no doubt that you are a great mom and Casey is a great husband for making dinner and for giving you a chance for a much needed break. Hugs and here is to a better tomorrow!


Monica     at 12:00 am

This post got me saying “amen sister” out loud. ;)

Have a great Thursday!


Sarah     at 12:06 am

I feel your pain! Much of my first few months with my daughter were spent like this! Not sure who cried more, me or her.

But it all passes and you are lucky to have such a supportive husband.


Kari @ bite-sized thoughts     at 2:47 am

That sounds like a long day…I too hope that tomorrow is better for you! Thank goodness for the evening component :)


Samantha Cernock     at 3:14 am

I remember those days with my oldest, she’s 4 now. It’s such a hard time but we made and so will you! Like you, I felt like a horrible mom. Lookin back now, I can hardly remember that time. Also, I just had another baby, she’s 5 months. I don’t know if I’m more tolerant and prepared or she’s just that different but we haven’t had any rough patches like that, yet!


Liz     at 3:56 am

Glad it all worked out! Some mom days are just plain terrible! Hope Thursday treats you better!


Jessica Reply:

Liz, I read that as “some days moms are just plain terrible!”


Brittnie (A Joy Renewed)     at 4:13 am

I love how husbands know just how to comfort us after a long, hard day. Casey seems a lot like my Brandon!! :)


katie     at 4:15 am

maybe a growth spurt???
you have a great husband! it is important to have that time to yourself.


Jessie @ Graze With Me     at 4:52 am

Moms groups are a lifesaver! You’ll be so glad to be a part of one! My baby girl had a rough day yesterday too. I’m pretty sure she’s going thru her 3-4 month growth spurt. Also she hadn’t had a dirty diaper at all the day before, but after a HUGE blowout (like down the leg, behind the knees) she seemed to feel better.

I remember one of my worst days, my husband came home & made me go take a bubble bath while he took over. He even drew the bath for me & brought me wine!


Mina     at 4:52 am

I remember those days, and just crying. And my husband walkiung through the door was such a blessing. That’s why to me, single mothers are superheroes.



Rachael Reply:

Random, but thanks for writing that – I needed to see positive words today. I don’t think I ever gave mothers – single or otherwise – enough credit until I had my daughter four months ago….seven months after my husband decided he didn’t want children after all. One of the most amazing things that has come out of it, other then my baby girl, is that I am so much more aware and appreciative of the gentle kindnesses offered up by friends and strangers!


Sarah @ See Sarah Eat     at 5:15 am

Glad to hear the day ended better than it started. Hoping today is a better day for you all :)


Marci     at 5:16 am

What a superstar husband! I’m sure the bad days just make you more capable to handle them the next time!


Kristen @ Change of Pace     at 5:20 am

What a good husband! Always remember that tomorrow will be better because it always is. Especially with kids. Don’t you wish they could just tell you whats wrong? “Hey Ma, my belly hurts!”


Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine     at 5:21 am

My lil’ one is almost 4 months and while things get easier and easier every day, I still find there are those days that are just a pure challenge of patience. I am trying to keep it all in perspective, but I totally understand having a meltdown or two yourself and thinking you are a bad mom, I felt that when my girl kept waking up during the night last night for her pacifier…I kept thinking why did I let her have this to begin with!

I think we just need to remind ourselves how far we have already come and how fast it is going, I can’t believe I am already packing up a ton of her clothes and I am trying to remember to cherish even the BAD days :)!


Katherine     at 5:35 am

I have 6 year old twins and we still have the occasional off day where we all need to have a good cry. Motherhood gets better and then worse then better. It’s a string of highs and lows, successes and failures with an endless supply of guilt over not being perfect. But I wouldn’t trade it back for a thing.


Emily @LivingLongfellow     at 5:40 am

Amazing. What a great husband you have. We all have those days. Today is a new fresh day!


Melissa     at 5:48 am

Those days are so tough! My baby boy is about 2 weeks older than Cullen and we were having a LOT of those kinds of days a few weeks back. Maybe it’s the age? Now I am back to work full time and I miss all my days at home with my son- even the cranky ones! Good luck, it will get better (at least that’s what I hear!)


Sarah S.     at 5:53 am

Your post made me tear up a little in sympathy because I think as Moms we all have “those days” where nothing seems to go right and you immediately place the blame on yourself. You are doing a great job (ands what an amazing husband you have). I have to say again that I love your posts on motherhood ; so honest and refreshing. Because every mom has those days.


Carol     at 5:56 am

You definitely will have many days like yesterday but hang in there! Babies get frustrated too and they have no way of communicating that with us except for crying! I completely understand what you are going through. You are a great mom! :-)


Heather     at 5:56 am

thank you for being honest and real that it’s not always fun and play time with a baby. I’m sorry you had such a rotten day!


Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed     at 5:58 am

Good job Casey! I hope today goes much smoother for you :)


Madeline @ Food, Fitness & Family     at 6:02 am

Way to go Casey! You got a winner. Those days are the worst as a new mom. I am feeling that way with us breaking Em of the swaddle. :( Keep your chin up and know you are an AWESOME mom!


Lindsay @ The Reluctant Runner     at 6:04 am

I’m not a mom, but I have days where everything goes wrong and I feel like a failure. It’s awesome that you have Casey to support you–I hope my husband acts exactly like that when we have a baby–and that you dealt with your stress in such a healthy way!


kelly     at 6:11 am

I know the feeling!!! Hang in there :)


Kath     at 6:16 am

Awww. What a sweet post!


sarah @ sarah learns     at 6:33 am

you’re clearly a wonderful mom, but i’m sure it gets frustrating sometimes.

and wow – casey should get an award, what a great husband and dad! :)


Alison     at 6:37 am

The sight of dinner on the table made me cry. (go figure)



Lindsay     at 6:40 am

Oh my goodness – Casey is the BEST! So sweet :)


Jen @ Living a Brighter Life     at 6:46 am

I’m sorry you had such a rough day, but so appreciate your honesty! It’s refreshing to see someone talk about the fun and easy AND the frustrating. I’m sure you are not alone!

How sweet of Casey to give you some time off and cool dinner! Awesome job Husband!!


Leah     at 6:50 am

I teared up a little at this post. I must say there’s nothing better than the rare day where my husband cooks or even cleans the kitchen (he’s a busy computer engineer by day, small business owner by night). I really feel that on days I come home after an hour at the gym and dinner’s waiting it’s just so amazing…good for Casey for giving you exactly what you needed.


Melissa     at 6:51 am

Hang in there Emily! I found that when a day goes that bad, I put my son in the stroller, put my iPod on, and speed walk around town, to Starbucks, even to the post office just to get out (we’re in Chicago so I just bundle him up really well). We BOTH come back like new happy people. It works every single time! :)


Susan @ Real Life Travels     at 6:51 am

What a nice hubby you got there! I’m glad you got a chance to “get away” for a little bit, sometimes that’s all us mamas need.


EGrizz     at 6:53 am

What a Great Husband you have!! amazing! I dream of a husband like that. With a husband like that and such a beautiful baby you are so blessed! Sorry you had a rough day. It will look up!


Staci     at 6:55 am

We all definitely have our days! Honestly, I think you’ve handled everything amazingly well thus far. Some girlfriends and I were talking yesterday about just how awful the first six weeks were and not wanting the outside world to even know we existed so putting yourself out there like you have (and continue to) is refreshing. Keep up the good work and give that husband a bazillion hugs every day. I know everyone has their “stuff” but he seems like one amazing guy.


Meg     at 7:00 am

PRECIOUS! What a true gem of a hubby Casey is, but I know you already know that! I shed many a tear when my baby, Mary, was a little infant like Cullen is. One day, Mary wanted to nurse every 45 minutes and this went on for hours until 2 am. I was so sore and crying. But, the next day, all was better and Mary was happy again. Sometimes baby’s are just grumpy and nothing makes them content.


Emilie @ Emilie's Enjoyables     at 7:03 am

What a great husband! It must be frustrating to feel helpless like that, I’m glad you’re feeling better.


Tameika     at 7:15 am

I’m not a mother, but I am amazed at how wonderful a mother you are to Cullen. No one’s perfect and for to have so few of these events when you get frustrated speaks a lot to your character and your qualities as a mother. So glad you’re feeling better and ready to face another day. Thanks for sharing the good and the bad!

And double kudos for Casey being such a great and supportive partner. Parenting sounds like a delightful, even if sometimes difficult endeavor. But how wonderful to know you have such a great partner? I love the relationship you guys have and the sharing that goes into your marriage and your parenting. Kudos to you two! What a great example of balance and support.


Melissa @ HerGreenLife     at 7:38 am

Frustration. Guilt. Uncertainty and endless questioning. I’m afraid that I can’t say, “Even on my worst days, I feel so lucky to do this job.” I guess I’m coming from a different place, but I am constantly amazed by your overall positive outlook.


Shannon @ My Place In The Race     at 7:39 am

I hope today is better for both of you. What a great hubby! And you are an amazing Mommy!!


Nadine     at 7:52 am

Gotta say big kudos to you! WAlking away and letting your husband be involved, take care of the little man is so important, and something most new moms seem to miss. It will pay off huge dividends, not just now, but, in the months from now when your husband has a close relationship with your son! way to go!


Melanie     at 8:01 am

Oh Emily, I’m so sorry to hear how cranky Cullen was. I can relate to this SO much. Katelyn was such a colicky baby and I felt like I was the only one in my mommy group with a baby that cried so much. Katelyn got a lot easier around 5ish months. Hang in there! Big HUGS to you!


Sara Harrison     at 8:04 am

your baby sounds exactly like mine, except we would have crying fits that lasted into the night as well. when he gets the bad and nothing is working, i know he is tired and needs to sleep. my baby has 6 weeks on yours and i have determined most of his crankiness is just because he is tired. he doesnt fall asleep on his own. but when he gets real bad turn on the blow dryer and swing him the car seat works like a charm every time. it eliminates the 2 hr crying spells and he gets the rest he needs. just a suggestion.


Lu     at 8:51 am

There will be many days like this as a parent, but nothing will ever take away the joy that your baby brings. I had a rather trying morning today with my five year old and we both cried quite a bit. You are a wonderful mother. Never doubt that. You will always be the best mother for your child. No one can ever replace you, no one can do your job better and no one will ever love Cullen like you do…except maybe his daddy. Who, by the way, can cook one heck of a dinner. Hope today is better.


Jessica     at 9:21 am

I’m a little frightened because I just settled in with my leftovers to read your blog only to discover we had the EXACT same dinner. Creepy (and delicious!)


Shanna like Banana     at 9:38 am

I anticipate that I’ll have one of these days soon. So far Sawyer has been a dream and we’ve had a ton of help, but next week they will all be gone. I’m a little scared!

You weathered the storm well :)


Alyson     at 9:40 am

I’ve had those days. The miracle is how they fade away and leave us ready and willing to have another [whatever kind of] day, just to see the baby’s face again. :)


Lisa     at 9:43 am

I remember those first months “in the trenches” – it can be really tough some times! It’s such an emotional drain at times when you want so badly to make them happy and nothing is working.

I also have a great mom’s group – we’ve been meeting since the kids were newborns. Recently we were all talking about the “early days” and one of them confided she had been embarrassed because her kiddo was always the crankiest baby/cried the most/etc. None of the rest of us remembered it that way, but each felt like THEIR kid had been the crankiest. :)


Dana @ the Big Fat Skinny     at 9:46 am

Wow, I remember those days all too well (and feel a little anxious about being ready to face them again – this time with a toddler by my side – in a few months). You’re really lucky to have a husband that is so supportive and helpful. And, of course, being a mom is life’s greatest blessing … even on the worst of days.


mi-an d.     at 9:53 am

Casey is.the.Bomb.


Jess     at 10:12 am

Now I don’t feel so bad referring to my 5 week old as Cal the Crank! It is amazing what running errands solo or going for a walk can do for a new mom. I know even if I hear him crying when my husband has him it makes me feel like I need to go to him, so getting away is a must for me. I always think that REAL bad moms don’t worry about being bad moms. I hope that makes sense, you are a wonderful mom, I’m sure!


Michelle     at 10:15 am

I had the same sort of day yesterday, thinking my lo was teething.

I can see what I think is a soda stream bottle making an appearance on your dinner table. Don’t you just love them? I just like mine straight, no flavor. Yum!

Always love your posts and Cullen is such a handsome little crank! Keep up the good work ya’ll.


Kathy     at 10:19 am

Having been there, done all that, I feel for you. Babies have bad days just like us adults do. Unfortunately we aren’t able to help or understand why. You canNOT always make your baby happy, just like others cannot always make us happy. That doesn’t make you anywhere near a bad mom. Only a frustrated one. We always want our kids to be happy, but they too will struggle sometimes. I discovered when my babies reached teething age, they also got very fussy when the teeth were pushing thru. They screamed, they got diaper rash, and were just all around miserable on many days. I eventually learned what to look for, but I still was unable to always keep them happy 100% of the time. I cried along with them on many MANY days. You are not alone. When your kids grow up, you will still continue to cry right along with them because you will not always be able to ease their pain or make them happy. But you just love them and give them a soft place to fall. Fortunately, you have a wonderful hubby to help ease your pain. I applaud him for making your day a little brighter.


Julia     at 10:33 am

Oh man, I feel your pain Emily. My son is getting to his terrible two’s and it’s very easy to assume it’s the mom who is always at fault. I have to let go and remember my kiddo is his own, tiny… person.


Jules     at 10:43 am

You married a winner! Also, I got a subscription to Vegetarian Times as a gift from my parents this Christmas. So many of those recipes look DELICIOUS! :)


Liz A     at 10:54 am

what a lovely husband. :)


Angela @ Happy Fit Mama     at 11:03 am

Unfortunately, there will be days when nothing can make the little peanuts happy. All you can do is hold and love ‘em. Eventually it will pass and you move on. Good luck on a better day!


hannah alehandra     at 11:19 am

Aaaw Casey is such a goodun’! Glad you’re happy again sweetheart. Much love, from England.



Lee     at 11:44 am

Hope he un-crankifies soon. (Apparently that’s a real word? It’s not underlining it!) I’m sure you’re a great mom!


Carol @ Lucky Zucca     at 12:16 pm

That was so sweet of Casey to take over like that! And so thoughtful of him to cook dinner. You are a lucky girl! And don’t fool yourself- you’re a wonderful mother too! Just because Cullen had one bad day doesn’t mean you weren’t doing everything right! We all have bad days that aren’t anyone’s fault but our own, even babies :)


Jess     at 12:19 pm

I love how honest you are about having bad days with the your son! I have a 19 month old daughter and I remember those days all to well. It is such a horrible feeling not being able to soothe your child! ugh Hang in there! I am sure you are doing a great job.


Amy W     at 2:48 pm

what about kuddos to your awesome husband?!! He is a rockstar and will help you continue to be a fantastic mom. As a mother of 4 my advice to you is to learn right.now. not to beat yourself up for a crabby baby. Cullen is probably still getting back on his schedule from your days of travel…or who knows? Baby’s just fuss and while those are looooong ass days, there is almost nothing you could do to change it. Don’t try- just know it won’t always be this way…soon enough you’ll be helping your 3rd grader with math you can’t even remember how to do. Trust me.

Happy that your hubby is so supportive! Thats more then half the battle.
Hang in there :)


Katie @ Peace Love & Oats     at 4:24 pm

That dinner looks delicious, and I’m glad you were able to cent and relax after a rough day!


Melodie     at 4:46 pm

I know I do not comment that often, but I just had to tonight! You are a great mom! There will be good days and bad and you cannot always control how everything goes. You are doing amazing :) And how sweet of that boy to take over, allow you some alone time and make a yummy dinner AND get sweet Cullen to sleep!!! Hope your day tomorrow is MUCH better :)


Jolene (Homespun Heritage)     at 4:53 pm

How goes the elimination diet? I know you’ve been playing with your diet to make sure its not something he’s allergic to and I was wondering how that was going. Have you kept a food journal of what you eat and tried to see if there is a pattern to when he’s fussiest (like after eating soy or dairy or peanuts/tree nuts)? Heartbreaking that he’s still not feeling well…you have my prayers!


Maria @ Beautiful Busy Bee     at 5:04 pm

Aww, sorry Cullen was crying a lot! New teeth, maybe? I honestly have no clue at what age these things happen, cause my only younger sibling was adopted when she was 14 months old. Your husband is amazing! Does he have a younger brother? ;)


Jessica @ The Process of Healing     at 6:04 pm

Poor Cullen and poor you!!! Days like that happen though (I assume, as I have no children). You’re a GREAT mom!


Erin     at 6:27 pm

I’m so glad your day ended on a good note! Saw your tweet and felt so sad for you, but you pulled through and are now better equipped for next time (God forbid there’s a next time!)


Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie     at 7:31 pm

Casey is AMAZING, that food looks delicious, and even when Cullen is crying he is still too stinkin cute. You are one lucky lady!


Deva @ Deva by Definition     at 8:08 pm

Casey is such a great husband and father! Cullen gets cuter by the day.


Elyse     at 8:44 pm

Oh, so been there, and recently too. You are doing awesome and you are exactly what your Cullen needs Hang in there!


Sarah     at 2:19 am

aw! Brownie points to the husband!


Lyndsay     at 11:29 am

I read your post when I was nursing my 7 week old son at 3:00 AM and can completely empathize with you! I said the exact same thing about being a bad Mom to my husband earlier that evening and like Casey, he took Luca and gave me some time alone.

My current worry is that I’m not doing enough to help my baby learn and grow and that’s making me feel extremely guilty and like a bad Mom. You are a wonderful mother and Cullen is very lucky to have you!


Emily Malone Reply:

I worry about that too! So much to worry about with babies.


Kat @ living like the kings     at 11:40 am

Isn’t it crazy the ups and downs of parenthood – yet when you look back at it, you can’t seem to remember what it was that wasn’t so good about any of it :)


Jessica     at 3:58 pm

Hmm, can we discuss the food? What is in that rice? What kind of vinaigrette? It’s good for me to see just a regular old meal in the Malone household. Looks delicious!!!

And you’re amazing! :)


Emily Malone Reply:

Haha the rice was just brown rice with a little coconut oil. And the vinaigrette was apple cider vinegar and olive oil! I will try to post some of our meals here and there. :)


Nicole     at 8:37 pm

Some days will be like this and most days won’t. Then when they get older it’s long and frustrating days of punishment when they are going through another frustrating stage.

As you are learning being a parent is the most difficult and the most rewarding job in the world.

Great pics today!!


Vanessa Miller     at 6:01 am

You navigated the day with flying colors!


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