One year ago today, I woke up early and hopeful. A little voice in my head told me that perhaps finally, after over a year of trying, this would be the one. I slipped out of the bedroom while Casey was still sleeping, and quietly ripped open a pregnancy test, just as I had done on so many other mornings.
I waited for the lines to show up, and after a few seconds I saw line one and then line two. In the sleepy fog of the morning, I thought I was looking for a plus sign, so I sadly tossed the test back into the trash can. When I did, I took a second glance at the box, and then realized that this particular test was indicated by two dark blue lines. The same two dark blue lines on the test in front of me.
And right then, our whole world changed.
I raced back into our bedroom, which was still dark, and shook Casey to wake up. I shared the news, I saw his smile, and we curled up and talked for hours under the covers.
This morning, exactly one year later, I woke up early again. This time the little voice in my head was replaced by the little voice in my heart. The one saying, time to wake up, mom!
And I nudged Casey once again to move over and make some room. Back under the covers, last year’s family of two feels like a distant memory from this year’s snuggly group of three.
And we are lucky enough that this year we have loving grandparents in town, who were happy to babysit so that Casey and I could have a rare evening out again as just two.
Last year, I wouldn’t have understood how exciting it would feel to wear a necklace, put on a bra that’s not made of stretchy spandex, and to straighten my hair. Or that it would take 30 minutes to pry the baby monitor out of my hand to get me out the door.
And I wouldn’t have known how nice it would feel to spend two hours across the table from my husband, eating course after course of amazing food, and talking without any distractions.
But I probably would have guessed that at the end of the night, I would still sneak into the nursery for one more peek at the person who has turned our world upside down.
It is so hard to believe that just one year ago, I had no idea this change was even coming. And that now I sit here today feeling more blessed and lucky than I knew possible. Thank you, Cullen, for my best year yet!
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Beautiful :) congratulations, again, on your family of three.
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Love. Just love.
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Great…now I’m crying again. ;-) Beautiful.
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Beautiful post, but what really got me was the last picture between Cullen’s chubby cheeks and the the elbow patches on the sweater it was just TOO CUTE!
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I’m sitting at my desk on the verge of happy tears for you, even though I only know you through your blog! My husband and I aren’t ready to start trying yet due to life/finance issues…but I so so hope that one day I will be lucky enough to have the same kind of year!
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Brought tears to my eyes. My daughter is one week older than Cullen and just as you, I cannot even remember what life was like without her. Everything is magnified through the eyes of a mother, each sunrise more beautiful, each hazard more intimidating but i wouldn’t trade it for the world! Cullen, like my Gwyn, is blessed to have so many loving people to guide him through life. May we never take any of it for granted, many blessings!
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I think all moms remember that moment and just how special it is. Thank you for sharing with us.
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You always make me tear up in the middle of the day! Stop it…jk. I love your writing…truly beautiful. What a lucky lil guy Cullen is to have so much love. And so nice that you were able to go out alone and enjoy a great evening together!
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Congrats again and every single one of those photos of him is priceless…he is so adorable!
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This post just brought tears to my eyes. You can feel the love and happiness in your words! What a beautiful family!
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What a lovely post!
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So sweet! I’m 11.5 weeks pregnant with twins and I recall reading your pregnancy posts wistfully the first time and now I enjoy going back and looking trough them again now that I am expecting.
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Such a beautiful post Emily…brought tears to my eyes as you can feel the love pouring from this post. You have such a beautiful family and I hope to have that voice in my head sometime soon as we’ve been trying for awhile. He’s so adorable and I’m glad you enjoyed your date night!
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Making me cry Emily!! Too cute, I am so so happy for you and your family.
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so sweet! feels like yesterday you were first posting about that morning. Insane!
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Beautiful. This made me tear up. I found out a year ago too, though still 2 weeks shy of it… I was so frustrated with negatives that I put off taking a test for a few weeks. :)
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He gets cuter and cuter! Enjoy it Emily! :-)
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This makes me really weepy! You three make such a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing these special moments. It makes pregnancy symptoms more bearable ;)
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Thank you do much for sharing your journey with us. This post was so simple yet heartfelt I felt myself brought to tears. Have a wonderful day, you deserve it.
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What a beautiful post! :) So happy for you!
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What a sweet post!
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Beautiful post! It is tears city over here and I am not really a crier! My mom says I have a problem! lol
You have such a gorgeous family and Cullen is so so cute!
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This is perfect.
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Family snuggles are the best! I’m so happy for you guys Emily! Family really is such an amazing thing. It’s not always easy, but it is always comforting!
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Love it! And love the pic of you two where he’s yawning, so cute. Glad you got a night out!
And if I ever wasn’t sure if having kids was worth it, well you have sealed the deal!
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Such an exciting story! I’m glad you two had some time to spend alone together!
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So so sweet! Love the pic of you kissing him in that cute little beanie.
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this post made me cry Emily …love reading your blog :)
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Alright, I’m definitely teary! What an amazing year…
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Incredible writing. Incredibly photos. Incredible post. I am SO happy for you three!
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Ahh, congratulations again on your beautiful baby! I have been loving reading your blog with your new addition!
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awww, happy for you guys! i’m 38 weeks along and can’t wait to meet our baby boy. :)
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Sounds like a fantastic night.
You look amazing!
And I am not comfortable in underwire bras even when I go out without Raffi. They are so uncomfy!
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Katie KS Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Was thinking the same thing. That and I leak and my reg bras are too small!
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I remember the pregnancy test for my first baby like it was yesterday (more like 23 years ago) but I have absolutely no recognition of the second one…which is so typical.
Glad you had a great night out. Reclaiming little bits of your pre-baby life is important.
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beautifully written. a feeling i believe many of us can relate to. congrats on two becoming three!
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Emily, you look so beautiful! Your happiness seriously radiates out of you, as cliche as that sounds. So happy for you and Casey – and especially Cullen.
PS. This is so random – but I’d love to know where you got that car onesie! I have a friend who’s having a baby boy and has been looking for car onesies for him!
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What a profound difference a year can make, right?
As always, so happy for you and your beautiful family. :)
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that totally made me cry! beautiful :-)
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:) How very very special. He is an amazingly handsome little man.
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Beautiful post, Emily.
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Oh…I just had to shed to tear. This is so beautifully written. Congratulations again to your wonderful family!
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loved reading this <3
you have a beautiful family, friend
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Beautiful post. Love those snuggly baby smiles on the bed, too cute.
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I’m sitting here at work, and reading this post just brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful writing and beautiful family :)
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How wonderful to celebrate one year of Cullen! Congratulations.
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Cutest post ever! Congratulations again! It’s so nice that you document/remember all these special dates. I am going to try to do more of this! Have a great day :)
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So beautiful! I have tears on my eyes! Glad you got out and enjoy and an evening with Casey.
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aw, you make me cry so often with your posts. Cullen with have such amazing memories from this blog.
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Awwwwww! Being just one week away from my due date after trying for 3 years this post brought a tear to my eye! Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
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I love this :-)
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AWW, BABIES are so amazing! Love your reminiscent post – you’re SO great at keeping things in perspective… I think it’s lovely to hear someone be so appreciative and probably helps make you happier in life. Thanks for the sunny outlook today & positive vibes, as always :) What a lucky little baby he is to have you for his mama!
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Beautiful post! Cullen is getting so big! What a handsome little man :)
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This was so sweet! So glad you got to spend some time together, just the two of you. Even if you went right back to that sweet little guy, sometimes you just need those alone moments.
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This post was beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes.
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This is precious. I LOVED this post!
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It goes by so fast! I was just feeling sad about saying goodbye to baby food as my littlest moves on. Enjoy every minute! Or at least the enjoyable ones. :)
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Such a sweet post, Emily!
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Emily, I rarely ever comment on your blog but I get so excited when I see it in my reader. I loved watching you go through your pregnancy and now seeing Cullen grow. I felt I just had to comment when I saw this post because I found out I was pregnant this morning!!! I hope on February 7 2013, I’ll be in your same shoes with an adorable little one :)
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Emily Malone Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Omggggggg! Danielle! Congratulations. :)
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Beautifully written! This post brought tears to my eyes!
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What a great post! My daughter is 7.5. I found out I was pregnant with her on December 26, 2003, and even 8 years later, I still spend a few moments each December 26th thinking about the moment I saw the two lines. The feeling never goes away.
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What a sweet post! It almost makes me want to have a baby of my own. Congratulations on your beautiful family!*
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I can’t believe it’s been a year already! Your family is beautiful, and those first two pictures of Cullen are so precious. :)
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Beautifully written, Emily! Your family is gorgeous and the love exudes from all three of you.
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What a sweet post!!
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This post made me cry. It’s so crazy how in one instant your entire world can change. Love how much you love being a mom, Emily!
PS – I really think Cullen is starting to look like Casey – but with your nose and darker features!
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I love this, made me tear up- what a wonderful mom you are!
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This post made me tear up. I’m so happy for you and your beautiful family <3 wishing you all the best.
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I second your feelings on putting on a regular bra after wearing nursing bras for so long:)Funny the little things you don’t think about. I feel like as the time passes with my son things just get better and better.Here’s to a wonderful year ahead for you and your family.
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SO SWEET! I cannot believe how big he’s getting :)
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Great post! It’s amazing how time flies, right?
I love Cullen’s face in the picture of you all dressed up for your date. He looks like he is a little bored and is mid-yawn! So cute!
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Yupp you finally made me cry! That was beautiful
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What a lovely post. Cullen is so adorable AND expressive. Congratulations on your family!
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Such a beautiful post, it gave me goose bumps! Following your journey has made me so excited to be a mom even if I have a few more years left before it will be a possibility. Cullen looks so big now! It’s amazing how fast babies grow.
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This is absolutely perfect.
Reading about your experiences and seeing how much love your little one has brought into your life continuously brings tears to my eyes. I never thought I wanted kids but, because of your blog (and a few of my friends that have recently started families of their own) that’s beginning to change.
Thank you for your beautiful writing and inspiring posts. <3
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This is the most beautiful post. It nearly brought tears to my eyes – congratulations again on this new stage of your life, and happy anniversary for this important day :)
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Awwwwww how adorable! I guess Cullen really does = best year ever ;)
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Awwwww, adorable! Love that little morning grin too :)
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What an amazing story! I have been reading your blog for years now, and I was in my office when I read your first post announcing you were pregnant. I wanted to shout it to the world because I was so excited for you!
And I am sooo happy to see what a wonderful year you have had.
~Emily~
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Ooooh this made me cry!! I am 27 weeks pregnant & have been feeling so nervous about being a mom. This post has made me feel a lot better :) So happy for you and your sweet family!
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Emily I seriously just love your blog. It’s always so honest, thoughtful and well-written. And Cullen is more adorable every day!
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Ahhh, that is to sweet!!
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Yes, this totally made me cry. I am a complete sap. That little sly smile he gives in the second picture kills me.
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Amazing post, Emily. You convey all too well what many couples go through and your unique perspective is always refreshing.
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This is such a beautiful post. I’m so happy for you.
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What a sweet and touching post! I’m 13 weeks pregnant right now, so maybe its the hormones, but this post brought tears to my eyes! <3
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Such a sweet post! You guys look like an amazing trio :) Hope you guys had a wonderful dinner, just the two of ya!
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Oh man, you got me crying at my desk:) This post is so close to my own story, except it was over a 2 year wait and I originally thought it was negative too. So at 5:30 AM I was crying in the bathroom that it didn’t work again and then decided to just double check and saw that faint second line. It wasn’t the end of our trials, but I will say that in 4 weeks and 4 days we should have our little one in our arms, so all the heartache will be worth it. Thanks for your kind and candid words!
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You really have the cutest little family. I’m so happy for you guys. :)
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Just beautiful! Isn’t it amazing how much love we have for our children from the moment we see those two little lines?!
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That post was beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. :)
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I agree with Ashley…beautiful post and very helpful to recap on a year and see everything for what it is…growth and happiness through the ups and downs. Enjoy each moment for what it is. The second photo of Cullen is priceless.
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Sweet post :)
And yes — wearing a regular bra is such a novelty and an excitement these days (I have a 2 month old) because it means mommy’s going out with adults only. Never thought something that simple would be exciting!
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This post melted my heart! What an amazing “scrapbook” this blog will be for you and Cullen to look back through when he’s older. He will always know that he was loved!
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SO precious!
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What a sweet post :)
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Awww, this post is so sweet! It makes me want to have a baby so bad (not really though, I’m too young!). Cullen is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. :) Have a great weekend!
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This was such a beautiful post! Kids do change everything…for the better. :)
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