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    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    EmilyBMalone@gmail.com

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    A Look Back.



Frozen.

I have a lot of work that has popped up today, so I arranged to drop Cullen off at a friend’s house so he could play and I could write.  I gave him a kiss, watched him wave goodbye from the window and headed over to the coffee shop.

I ordered a large iced tea, sat down at my favorite table, and opened up my laptop – ready to tell you all about the cookies we baked yesterday.

A quick glance at my Twitter feed and I realized something was very, very wrong.  I opened up my browser and saw the headline about the mass shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut.

I can’t talk about cookies.  I can’t talk about anything.  I feel simultaneously frozen, and like I could explode from the inside at the same time.

I don’t think anyone else in here knows what is going on.  I am the only one with a laptop out, and most people are relaxing and chatting with friends.  I feel like screaming and sobbing and dropping to the floor in the middle of the room.

I immediately texted my sister in New Haven.  She and her family are safe.  She was crying at her desk.  How does this happen?

There is nothing to say, so I won’t even bother.  There is no way to imagine what the parents and families of these children feel like.  And I hope I never have to.

One of my favorite parenting quotes is this…

“Making the decision to have a child – It’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone

I am not an outwardly religious person, but I will say a prayer tonight.  I will squeeze Cullen and hold him tight, and I will try not to think about the little beds that will not be slept in tonight.

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42 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Donna     at 12:10 pm

I am overwhelmed by so many emotions. You did a wonderful thing by writing this today. I appreciated your words. Thank you for writing them.

I just want to be brave and hide at the same time.

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Marci     at 12:10 pm

it is too terrible. i feel so different about these tragedies as a mommy. what is the world coming to? it is terrifying.

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Brooke     at 12:10 pm

I’ve been crying about this since I read about it. Your last sentence brought a fresh flood of tears. I can’t hug my 3-year-old daughter and almost one-year-old son close enough. My prayers and broken heart go out to the parents and loved ones of those 18 precious babies and the adults who tragically died as well.

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Rebecca     at 12:14 pm

I am absolutely devastated by the shooting. I feel like anyone, no matter how innocent, is now so vulnerable to senseless acts of violence. My heart breaks for those families.

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Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family     at 12:15 pm

There is so much to say but I just can’t. I have never reacted to a tragedy like I did today. I literally fell to my knees in the living room and wept. So many sad hearts and too many tiny angels.

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Kerry     at 12:16 pm

http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/youthdevelopment/components/7414-05.html

This is a link to an article about talking with your children about violence towards kids.

Deep prayers.

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Sara     at 12:17 pm

I am sitting here during Tyler’s nap time, reading about the shooting, sobbing. I can’t stop crying. I can’t even imagine how someone would ever even THINK about doing something like this. My heart breaks for the families and their community.

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Ingunn     at 12:28 pm

<3

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Carol S.     at 12:30 pm

The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. My daughter is 8 and its all I can do not to drive to her elementary school and pull her out.

I stole your quote in a facebook status. I had heard that somewhere a long time ago but never heard the actual quote. It certainly explains how it feels to have a child.

Its a sad day today

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Kristin     at 12:37 pm

it is so terrible what happened. i can’t even imagine what it is like to be in that community right now and have to deal with this tragedy face to face. awful.

btw – i love that quote too – actually Elizabeth Stone was one of my college professors.

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Lauren     at 12:43 pm

It’s devastating! Truly, when things like this happen, I feel as if the world SHOULD stop. Thank you for taking a moment to share this and remind us all that we need to be a little more aware of the tragedy that takes place. Tomorrow, life will go on for many, but today, just in a few moments, let’s all just stop and say a little prayer for those lives that will not have a tomorrow.

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Aimee     at 12:46 pm

It’s a very sad day today. I have a friend with a son in Kindergarten in that school district. I was so relieved to hear he was safe. I have hugged my own little boy about a million times since I picked him up from school this afternoon. I would have felt terrible before becoming a mom but the what if scenarios as a mom are lingering and too frightening to imagine.

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Kelly     at 1:01 pm

God bless you and your family, Emily. Thank you for acknowledging this tragedy. My heart and prayers go out to the families of the victims.

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Maria     at 1:16 pm

There are no words. I have sat here at work and fought back tears. I’ve called daycare to see how my little lovebug is doing. I can’t even begin to imagine what those parents are going through. And like you said, I hope I never have to. With the past few tragedies that have happened (I live a few miles away from the Siik temple in Oak Creek & 30 minutes from the Azana spa shooting), this one really hits home. I can’t wait to pick up my girl and give her a huge hug.

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lisa fine     at 1:28 pm

Emily – thank you for your post today. I was wavering back and forth on whether to write today, and your post inspired me to write a post about today’s events too.

Unbelievable.

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Ali     at 1:35 pm

I feel completely numb about this situation. I can’t believe this keeps happening and what are we to do about it?

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Alyson     at 1:40 pm

True, not a day for cookies.

I was in a similar position in 1995, the day of the Oklahoma City federal building bombing. I remember being on the phone with my best friend who lived one street over—we each had one baby girl, both about 15 months old, and we couldn’t stand the images of the babies being carried from that building. My irrational response was that I had to go get my little girl up from her nap and hold her. My friend had family in the area she was worried about. It was so heart-wrenching.

And as the years have passed it has never gotten any easier, no matter what the act of violence. Every time someone targets children or innocents, it hurts us all. We all grab our babies and hug and grieve. My heart aches for those who have lost their precious children today, and my prayers are with them.

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Holly     at 1:51 pm

I’m right there with you Emily. I had to turn off the tv because I was making myself sick watching it.

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Mamawass     at 1:56 pm

:(

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Grace     at 3:22 pm

My heart truly breaks for those families. I am so saddened and sickend by the events that occurred today. What is this world coming too….I haven’t been stopped hugging my boys.

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Jenny     at 5:10 pm

I was on my lunch break at an elementary school when I read what happened. Acted like nothing was wrong for the rest of the class day, but hugged every 4th grader as they left the room this afternoon.

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Lindsay Reply:

Jenny – thank you for doing this and sharing. I’ve been thinking about you hugging your students all weekend and it somehow brought some comfort.

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Jenny Reply:

I usually give them all high fives as they walk out the door….just for the record :)

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Amyt Reply:

SO awesome Jenny….I’m friends with my daugther’s teacher on facebook – she was out that day – she made a post that she was hugging each of her students as soon as see saw them on Monday (today). She is a wonderful loving teacher, as I’m sure there are so many out there – you guys are not always appreciated enough. Thank you for all that you guys do!! :-)

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Jodi     at 7:24 pm

Thank you for writing this. I live in CT and work about 40 mins away from Newtown. I am heartsick today and sad and bewildered and horrified and moved by the outpouring of words and kindness in the wake of this. I will never understand this kind of choice that someone makes that systematically destroys the lives of 20+ families but I do know, that my job, as a citizen of the world is to move beyond the hate and the violence and just love bigger and better and deeper. I have to believe that that is the only way to counteract such violence.

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Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie     at 7:37 pm

This is so heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine what would lead someone to do this, or what those poor children’s parents must be facing right now.

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Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy     at 7:43 pm

I started crying as soon as I turned on the news. I have felt sick to my stomach all day long. I am hurting for those parents and teachers and students. We aren’t safe anywhere. This is just a reminder, and it’s terrible.

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irina     at 1:14 am

it is very thoughtful that you acknowledged the tragedy in Connecticut. I am frankly appalled at the writers of some of the other health/lifestyle blogs I frequent for not saying a word about this today. You just cannot remain indifferent and go with the scheduled programming when this happens… You have a heart, Emily, please do not ever change.

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Liz Reply:

totally agree with irina!

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April     at 6:44 am

I am glad you are saying a prayer because God listens even to those who don’t consider themselves “religious”…and thankfully He does.
I love the quote, so true.
Many, many prayers for those affected by this awful tragedy.

[Reply]

Leah     at 6:56 am

Emily as a New Englander your post made me nearly sob in the car on the way to my Dad’s retirement party. It’s so close to home for us. And so scary. I can’t imagine what parents are thinking right now in the US. I’m not a parent though but my Mom was a teacher and she asked us to turn off the news in the car after the president spoke. :(

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lisa     at 11:05 am

I have to mentally block myself from even thinking about this. The image that got me was all those presents under the tree or hidden in the closet that will never get opened. When I first caught a mention on the news I didn’t hear the scope of the tragedy. So very very shocking and sad. Joining you in praying for the families.

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Amy     at 11:55 am

<3

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Liz     at 12:12 pm

I have been crying all day. You are one of the few blogger I subscribe to that actually talked about it honestly and not just in platitudes. Thank you.

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Amber K     at 12:39 pm

Seems like each day brings more bad news. So heartbreaking :(

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AmyD     at 4:01 pm

Thank you for writing this.

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Alex @ Raw Recovery     at 4:08 pm

I was in the hospital this weekend and heard about the tragedy from one of my nurses. In an instant my problems seemed insignificant.

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Lindsay     at 4:42 pm

Emily – I knew I could count on you to share your reflections. Thank you.

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Charlie @ the runner beans     at 1:49 am

your post gave me goosebumps. I’m sorry but how many more shootings in schools do there have to be before America tightens up its gun laws. In the UK we still have problems in schools but it’s with knives as guns are far harder to get hold of. Guns hurt too many people too quickly.

So sad.

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Kelly     at 9:44 am

Thank you for your reflections. what a sad, sad time in our country. Did you watch the President’s speech last night? He referenced the Elizabeth Stone quote!

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Jenny P.     at 11:44 am

Hi Emily,

I’m a daily reader and very infrequent commenter, but I wanted to share this with you today.

My mom was shot alongside Gabby Giffords in Tucson on January 8, 2011. She survived, but her friend and neighbor whom mom took with her to meet her congresswoman, 9 year old Christina-Taylor, did not. My mom writes a beautiful and insightful blog that serves as an outlet for therapy for her, and a way to help other people understand how to live in the aftermath of such a tragedy. This morning, she wrote a letter to the residents of Newtown, and I wanted to share it with you today.

http://ashleighburroughs.blogspot.com/2012/12/newtown-morning-after.html?m=1

Hug that beautiful family of yours :)

-Jenny

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Emily Malone Reply:

Wow, Jenny. Thanks so much for sharing this. A beautiful post – I can’t even imagine what that feels like. Your mom sounds incredible.

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