about me

    Emily Malone

    culinary arts grad. nutrition facts lover. vegetarian chef. marathon runner. country music maniac. failed dog trainer. barre fanatic. loving mama.

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    A Look Back.



Frozen.

I have a lot of work that has popped up today, so I arranged to drop Cullen off at a friend’s house so he could play and I could write.  I gave him a kiss, watched him wave goodbye from the window and headed over to the coffee shop.

I ordered a large iced tea, sat down at my favorite table, and opened up my laptop – ready to tell you all about the cookies we baked yesterday.

A quick glance at my Twitter feed and I realized something was very, very wrong.  I opened up my browser and saw the headline about the mass shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut.

I can’t talk about cookies.  I can’t talk about anything.  I feel simultaneously frozen, and like I could explode from the inside at the same time.

I don’t think anyone else in here knows what is going on.  I am the only one with a laptop out, and most people are relaxing and chatting with friends.  I feel like screaming and sobbing and dropping to the floor in the middle of the room.

I immediately texted my sister in New Haven.  She and her family are safe.  She was crying at her desk.  How does this happen?

There is nothing to say, so I won’t even bother.  There is no way to imagine what the parents and families of these children feel like.  And I hope I never have to.

One of my favorite parenting quotes is this…

“Making the decision to have a child – It’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

I am not an outwardly religious person, but I will say a prayer tonight.  I will squeeze Cullen and hold him tight, and I will try not to think about the little beds that will not be slept in tonight.

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42 Comments so far
Leave a comment

April     at 6:44 am

I am glad you are saying a prayer because God listens even to those who don’t consider themselves “religious”…and thankfully He does.
I love the quote, so true.
Many, many prayers for those affected by this awful tragedy.

[Reply]

Leah     at 6:56 am

Emily as a New Englander your post made me nearly sob in the car on the way to my Dad’s retirement party. It’s so close to home for us. And so scary. I can’t imagine what parents are thinking right now in the US. I’m not a parent though but my Mom was a teacher and she asked us to turn off the news in the car after the president spoke. :(

[Reply]

lisa     at 11:05 am

I have to mentally block myself from even thinking about this. The image that got me was all those presents under the tree or hidden in the closet that will never get opened. When I first caught a mention on the news I didn’t hear the scope of the tragedy. So very very shocking and sad. Joining you in praying for the families.

[Reply]

Amy     at 11:55 am

<3

[Reply]

Liz     at 12:12 pm

I have been crying all day. You are one of the few blogger I subscribe to that actually talked about it honestly and not just in platitudes. Thank you.

[Reply]

Amber K     at 12:39 pm

Seems like each day brings more bad news. So heartbreaking :(

[Reply]

AmyD     at 4:01 pm

Thank you for writing this.

[Reply]

Alex @ Raw Recovery     at 4:08 pm

I was in the hospital this weekend and heard about the tragedy from one of my nurses. In an instant my problems seemed insignificant.

[Reply]

Lindsay     at 4:42 pm

Emily – I knew I could count on you to share your reflections. Thank you.

[Reply]

Charlie @ the runner beans     at 1:49 am

your post gave me goosebumps. I’m sorry but how many more shootings in schools do there have to be before America tightens up its gun laws. In the UK we still have problems in schools but it’s with knives as guns are far harder to get hold of. Guns hurt too many people too quickly.

So sad.

[Reply]

Kelly     at 9:44 am

Thank you for your reflections. what a sad, sad time in our country. Did you watch the President’s speech last night? He referenced the Elizabeth Stone quote!

[Reply]

Jenny P.     at 11:44 am

Hi Emily,

I’m a daily reader and very infrequent commenter, but I wanted to share this with you today.

My mom was shot alongside Gabby Giffords in Tucson on January 8, 2011. She survived, but her friend and neighbor whom mom took with her to meet her congresswoman, 9 year old Christina-Taylor, did not. My mom writes a beautiful and insightful blog that serves as an outlet for therapy for her, and a way to help other people understand how to live in the aftermath of such a tragedy. This morning, she wrote a letter to the residents of Newtown, and I wanted to share it with you today.

http://ashleighburroughs.blogspot.com/2012/12/newtown-morning-after.html?m=1

Hug that beautiful family of yours :)

-Jenny

[Reply]

Emily Malone Reply:

Wow, Jenny. Thanks so much for sharing this. A beautiful post – I can’t even imagine what that feels like. Your mom sounds incredible.

[Reply]

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