You guys are so awesome.  So much nice and supportive feedback.  I am so lucky to have this crazy outlet and opportunity to hear from so many of you.  So I’m gonna do something I never really do, which is talk about blogging. 

For some reason I feel like taking about blogging is really awkward.  I’m not really sure why – obviously everyone here knows I write a blog.  But writing it and writing about it feel very different to me.  Anyway, here goes.

Here’s the thing about writing and blogging.  I think it’s really easy for things that are really sort of a small thing to come across as a BIG DEAL through words.  Between writing here and on Babble, I probably average writing a thousand-ish words each day.  It’s easy for small things to look blown out of proportion.  And the person responsible for that is definitely me, but I’m human, and sometimes it’s what ends up happening.

Here’s the other thing.  I think my writing has changed a lot this year.  Some for the better – I’m a lot more introspective.  Some probably not – I’m also a lot more filtered.  Since I’ve become a mom, I’ve found myself really pulling back in some areas – feeling fiercely protective of my family and our privacy.  Then stop writing about your life online.  I know, easy problem to solve, right?

But I love writing!  And I’m not ready to stop just yet.  I’m just finding that I only feel comfortable sharing bits and pieces, and less of the whole picture than I used to a few years ago when I was younger and perhaps a bit more…free.  But the problem becomes just that – I’m only showing a part of the picture.  It’s one of those confusing things that I’m aware of, but I’m also unsure of how to fix it. 

And here’s another thing while I’m at it.  Sometimes I think I feel guilty about how good I have it.  I spend all day hanging out with what is arguably the cutest baby in the world (in my unbiased opinion), meeting friends for lunch and play dates, sitting by the water on sunny days, and still having the freedom to contribute to my family on my own terms, and by my own rules.  I find myself wanting to write about things we do or things we see, and I pull back because I worry I will sound like I’m bragging.  Or worse, ungrateful.  And it’s neither of those things – I’m just living this strange, evolving life in a new role I wasn’t sure I’d have, in a city I never thought I’d live in.  It’s not always great, but a lot of the time it is.

And so instead, what happens is I gloss over a lot of the good stuff.  I don’t photograph the really delicious meals that are made after sunset, because I hate overhead lighting and I don’t want ugly pictures.  And I don’t talk about how my friends came over and baked cookies at my house all afternoon and I laughed until my sides hurt.  And most of the time, I don’t post anything at all because I don’t want to miss all the good stuff happening around me.

But then a bad day happens, or we have a long week, and I get into a funk.  Casey is gone and I have too much time alone and in my head, and that’s of course when I end up running to the keyboard.  So I end up painting a picture that is probably the ugliest Instagram filter of how things really look.

So I’m going to try to stop doing that.  I don’t like feeling censored, and I think that is the direction that I accidentally veered off into.  And I hope that for what it’s worth, you guys know that I appreciate the (constructive) criticism here just as much as the compliments.  I know there are writers that turn their heads to complaints, but feedback is feedback, and I’m pretty proud of the community that we’ve fostered here. 

Please also realize that this isn’t an apology.  I’m not regretting what I posted last night.  My only regret is that I didn’t post Monday and tell you about the delicious dinner we ate.  And I didn’t post Tuesday and tell you about how we met one of my college friends for coffee, and then I dropped my entire lunch on the ground when I took it out of the microwave.  And yesterday, I should have told you that we went to a fun music thing where Cullen waved scarves and shook shaker eggs and it was adorable.

And this isn’t a big thing.  It’s just a thing, and I’m writing about it, because that’s what I do – I write.  And as even as exciting as our lives are at times, they aren’t always filled with BIG things.  There are lots of little things in between.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, or what triggered it.  Just something I’ve been thinking about the past few weeks, as posts have been staggered and felt just a little bit..emptier to me recently.  Sigh.  I think that I think too much. 

See what I mean?  Isn’t writing about blogging totally awkward?  That’s enough for now.  I promise I won’t do it again.  Can’t write a post without a photo though.

If only we all had this much joy every day.

Yowsas – Wednesday already?  My lack of posting is making me sad.  I think that sometimes I think I need to come here with a long, planned out post, when really – sometimes on busy days I just want to stop by and say hi.  Maybe I’ll start doing that more. 

Casey is traveling this week.  So it’s just me and the boys here at the ranch.  There’s been a lot of this going on…

Rain, rain, and more rain.  Typical for this time of year, but I forgot how much it sucks.  The weeks feel long when I’m on my own and we are trapped  inside.  We do a lot of eating.

And I’ve done quite a bit of baking.  Which is always a bad idea when it’s just me, because then there is NO question as to who at the whole loaf of banana bread.

Although I actually had help with this one – we had friends over for a few hours on Monday afternoon, and I made bread for all the hungry mamas.  It was loosely based on this recipe, and turned out really well.  Crispy on the outside, soft inside – just right. 

I also baked up a big batch of baby muffins for Cullen.  Yes, they are quite possibly the worst looking baked good ever photographed – blame the blueberries.  These were a combo of banana, blueberries, oat flour, and almond flour.  He is OBSESSED – can’t eat them fast enough.

I’ve also been baking up some new recipes!  Now that Cullen is on a one-nap-a-day schedule, it’s getting harder and harder for me to find time to work.  I usually end up writing and working during that afternoon nap window, but that means there is no leftover time for cooking.  My recent lack of recipes was making me sad, so this week I spent nap times cooking, and my laptop sat closed.

So the bad news is that some of you thought I’d either died or dropped off the face of the earth (and I love you and so appreciate your concern!).  But the good news is that most of you probably didn’t even notice and are like what is this chick talking about, AND I have a few new recipes headed your way.  Hope to type one up during today’s LONG nap – fingers crossed for more than an hour…unlike yesterday.  Did you hear that, Cullen?

Can I show you my holiday decorations?  And in showing you those, I also have to show you that we rearranged our furniture!  I know everyone is obsessed with “open floor plans.”  I watch House Hunters.  At this point saying you want an open floor plan is like saying you want the house to have a bathroom. 

Anyway.  Our house is really open.  Like, almost too open.  I didn’t know that was possible, but it is.  The way our furniture was set up before, it was really – well, open – but no matter where I looked I could always see eveeeerything.  And so I’d try to relax at night and be lazy on the couch watching Survivor, but I could see all the dirty dishes and sink full of sippy cups beckoning me from the kitchen.  The kitchen is the focal point of our floor plan, and while it’s beautiful, I don’t want to feel like I’m in it all the time. 

Here’s the set up from before (it was Cullen’s birthday party so ignore the balloons and streamers. And a few more before pictures here.). 

So we moved things around!  It took a few days for me to get used to it, but now I really like it.  It’s more crowded, but much cozier, and feels like a better use of the space.  I’m not a huge TV over the mantle girl, but that has grown on me too.  The couch faces the fireplace and TV now, and makes it feel much more like a living room!  Adorable stockings and twinkling lights have helped ease into the adjustment.

This year’s tree, which is sadly still not decorated.  What use to be one afternoon or evening of tree decorating is somehow turning into a week-long project.  I got the lights and garland up while Cullen was distracted on Sunday.  He has shown zero interest in the tree itself, which is awesome.  Except any time I try to decorate, he gets really into the box of (sharp, glass) ornaments, so I’m seriously putting on like one red ball at a time.  It’s ridiculous.

I have a feeling that at this rate, our tree will be decorated by mid-December, and ornaments will only be on the top half. 

Here’s a shot from the same angle as the “before” up above.  The new arrangement chops up that open space, which as it turns out is much better.  My close up camera lens probably isn’t doing it justice.

Another angle of the “living room” – and from this one you can see the other reason I wanted to mix things up.  Cullen has a play corner!

We have these great built-ins, and the way it was set up before, they were mostly blocked by furniture.  We have some great play areas in our house, but none on the first floor.  I have been having a really hard time doing anything in the kitchen without Cullen at my heels.  Now that he has his own play space down here, he’s much more occupied.

And many of you have asked about his chair – it’s the Land of Nod “Nod Chair.”  I scored it on major sale ($35!) a few weeks before his birthday – it was his first birthday gift.  He is (finally!) reaaaaaaally into books right now.  His main source of entertainment is sitting and paging through book after book after book.  It’s the cutest thing you have ever seen.  Casey caught him reading in the chair on Sunday…

But his favorite thing to do – of course – is to stand on the chair and read books on the windowsill.  This gives me a small heart attack, but thankfully he’s really good at climbing down backwards.  I’m so glad he’s using it, even if it’s mostly as a climbing gym.

Last shot of the living room.  I love that it feels so festive and bright.  We are hosting Christmas in Seattle this year, so I want it to feel extra festive for all our traveling guests!

More decorations in the dining room.  I’ve been putting up the same decorations for many years – the couple of things I bought after Casey and I moved in together forever ago.  I’m telling myself that this year I’m going to take advantage of the post-holiday sales and buy super discounted Christmas stuff in January.  It will be such a fun treat to have waiting for next year!  But I know by January I’ll be over it and won’t do it.  The cycle goes on.

Since it’s just been me this week, I’ve been trying to fill up our schedule with fun things going on – play date, a friend over for dinner, mom’s group, and more.  And when the going gets tough, there’s always the fun game of spinning in circles with the nail clippers in your mouth.

Or playing with two favorite toys – a bottle of Advil and a thermometer. 

At least when I’m on my own I have two eager watch dogs, protecting our house and keeping us safe.  Oh wait…

I’ll be back soon (no really, this time) with a few yummy new recipes!  Thanks for your patience during the downtime.  I have missed you guys!